"But if not...(Daniel 3:18)

Sometimes things don't go as we plan...I recently had a second shoulder surgery, definitely not planned. I had surgery for a shoulder injury back in April, and the recovery was long and painful. To have a second surgery, for a different injury, just a day before leaving town was not in my plans. Due to insurance and timing, it was needed before we left town. I had a day to organize things for the surgery, be ready for Christmas, and ready to leave town. It isn't life threatening or even long term life changing, but it is a pain (in the shoulder) and has caused me to ponder strong examples of enduring and going forward with faith, even being put into a fiery furnace.

I have to ask, am I even near to what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were like? Have I been threatened by a "burning fiery furnace" (Daniel 3:6)? I think there are times when we are all forced to choose between standing up for what is right and being faced with a fiery furnace or perhaps, just being thrown into what seems like a fire of uncontrollable height and heat. I wonder if I am able to respond as they did, "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up" (Daniel 3:17-18). The "but if not" is what challenges me to try and stand strong no matter what the outcome is to be, even if the only thing that I can do is to have a positive attitude during a difficult time.

Now, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were saved. But that isn't always the case- think of Abinadi (see Mosiah 17:20). Sometimes things don't go the way we plan. Sometimes we are allowed to be "in the furnace of affliction" (Isaiah 48:10), and honestly, I don't like being in that furnace. It is just not where I like to spend my time. But it happens to all of us and no one is exempt. I think the real trial is whether or not we will endure to the end, no matter how hot the fire really is or if we are saved from the fire. It's the "but if not" part that is the real test.

Elder Dennis E.Simmons (former member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy) shared this thought about "but if not": "Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not, ...Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not, ...He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not, ...Our God will deliver us from threats accusations, and insecurity, but if not, ...He will deliver us from death and impairment of loved ones, but if not, ...we will trust in the Lord. Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not, ..." (But If Not...).

This is a lot to ponder. Add your own "but if not". How will you respond if you lose your ability to write, or use a limb, or am limited by your health? How will you respond if you lose a loved one, a child, or get divorced unexpectedly? We all have our "but if not..." moments. God doesn't love one person above another because they go through these afflictions or have none. God "loveth our souls as well as He loveth our children" (see Alma 24:14). God really wants us to be like him (see Matt. 5:48, 3 Nephi 12:48 ) "that we may be purified even as He is pure" (Moroni 7:48). And as a loving Father in Heaven, he lets us endure and go through our own "fiery furnace of affliction" or perhaps we can call them mini Gethsemane's. The Lord says, "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction" (Isaiah 48:10). Notice, He doesn't say, next to the the furnace, or beside it. He says, "in the furnace of affliction".

You know, this was a major inconvenience to have to go through a second shoulder surgery, especially with the timing of everything, but I do know that all things work together for our good (see D&C 100:15). God loves us! He will help us in all things, even when they don't turn out like we think they should...the "but if not" makes all the difference. This I testify.

Thumbs up- with the nurse and aid who helped me before the "fiery furnace" of shoulder surgery, 2nd one in a year

Yup, that's how I do it, prior to entering "the furnace"

Goofing off with my son after the surgery...(pain medicine is very helpful but only a temporary solution)

"Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful" (Luke 6:36)

With all the negative news about the various injustices in the world these days, it has given me great pause to ponder this sad (understatement) state of affairs. I do not wish to make things worse, rather my desire is to suggest a solution to all these problems that seem to permeate our system, not only in the United States, but throughout the world. I am not a naive person who has only lived a life of bliss, but I don't feel I need to share all my "dark secrets" to validate that I have had my share of unfair/unjust experiences. From my own experiences I have learned there is only one solution to all the ills that plague the world. It is simple. It is to receive Christ, for He is the Gift.

Receiving gifts can be hard if we don't think they are going to be of any value to us, don't know how they work, or require a lot of effort to assemble or even think we have no need for them. The Gift of Christ makes all the difference. It has a "more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which [has] happened to us" (Alma 31:5). I know when I have been wounded by another I have sought and thought about seeking justice. "In scriptural terms, justice is the unchanging law that brings consequences for actions. Because of the law of justice, we receive blessings when we obey God's commandments. The law of justice also demands that a penalty be paid for every sin we commit" (Justice). Sometimes, when the laws of the land don't seem to satisfy the demands of justice we think we have a right to respond in anger and take matters into our own hands. In doing so we are no better than those who have sinned against us.

The powerful part of the Gift is that if I extend mercy, I don't need to fear that justice will not be served. "What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God" (Alma 42:25). Paul says, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" (Galatians 6:7). When we have lost something or someone we love and cherish, or have been deeply wounded which may seem to be unrepairable, it is hard to remember that God is a just God and we can 100% trust that all will be taken care of. Notice, I said all, not just the small things we seem to manage on our own, but all things.

When we receive a gift and we really appreciate it, we use it. The beauty of the gift of Christ is that we don't have to worry about justice, rather we can spend our energy receiving and extending mercy. "Mercy is the compassionate treatment of a person greater than what is deserved, and it is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (Mercy). The beauty of giving mercy is that we may also receive it in kind: "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy" (Matthew 5:7), and we all need mercy. The world would have us seek justice, but the Lord teaches us to extend mercy, "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful" (Luke 6:36). Applying or extending mercy when it is justified by the world to turn your back, hurt, retaliate, or respond in kind or worse, is only made possible through the Atonement and is applying the gift of Christ. Christ wants more for us than justification. He wants us to be sanctified through His healing power, grace, and His sacrifice, even the Atonement (see sanctification; Moses 6:59-60).

I have experienced the need to extend mercy when retribution or retaliation was justified. It was not easy, but it was, and still is worth every effort to be merciful. As we become good receivers we  make it possible to use this gift of healing from Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, on a daily basis. This Gift will heal the world. This I testify.

Here is a short video for your enjoyment: He is The Gift

Bonus thoughts and links:
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "A basic principle of Latter-day Saint doctrine is that we have to know that God is just in order to go forward. One of God's attributes is justice, and we would not have the faith- because of fear- to live righteously or to love better or to repent more readily if somehow we didn't think that justice would count for us, if somehow we thought God would change His mind and decide there was another set of rules. Because we know that God if just and would cease to be God if He weren't so, we have the faith to go forward, knowing that we will not be the victims of whimsy or caprice or a bad day or a bad joke. That assurance is very encouraging." (The Justice and Mercy of God).

Elder Dallin H. Oaks: He Heals the Heavy Laden

"To others it is given to believe on their words" ( D&C 46:14)

Drafting is a wonderful way to ride a bike. It saves energy, shares the burden of riding long distances, enables one to be social and talk with other riders. It is a great way to travel long distances. Every rider has an opportunity to be the leader. But, if you are learning to draft or need to save your strength, you can usually hang out in the middle of the pack and rely on the strength of those in front of you. Now that I ride a trike, I can no longer draft off other riders. On long distant rides I must rely upon my own strength and be okay with being by myself at times. This image of drafting keeps coming to mind as I ponder the responsibility I have as a parent to teach my children the gospel and how to live it.

Watching riders draft in the middle of the pack- Tour of Utah

As a leader in our home I have the responsibility to teach our children truth and where and how to find it (see D&C 68:25). As our children learn for themselves they are welcome to "draft" off my strength and testimony of what I know to be true. At times, we all "draft" off of one another when perhaps our faith and knowledge aren't as strong as we hoped or would like them to be. To believe on the words of others is a spiritual gift. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read: "To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful" ( D&C 46:14). It is not weakness when we need to rely on the testimony or strength of others, rather we are given a gift to believe on the words of others when we seek help from the Lord. It is a great blessing to be able to lead and guide as others "draft" and we become stronger ourselves. We have a responsibility to share our testimonies and what we know so that those who have this gift to believe with be strengthened. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said it this way: "Where it is given to some to know and to others to believe on their words, those who know must be responsible for sharing their testimonies. Only in this way can they give those who have the gift of believing on their words something to lean upon as they, too, move toward eternal life" (Spiritual Gifts).

As I ponder this drafting, especially now that I ride a trike and wish I could still draft, I realize there is another principle of the gospel that we need to apply at some point in our lives. That is when we become the leader, we become the grown up and need to be responsible for our own choices, actions, direction, and path we choose. When this happens, we can no longer "draft" or blame or point fingers when things go wrong. When I am out there on a really long ride, all alone, I cannot blame my parents for my lack of preparation, or lack or nutrition or water. It is time for me to "perform [my] labors", a time to "prove all things; [and] hold fast to that which is good" (Alma 34:32; 1 Thessalonians 5:21).

Notice the leader at the head of the draft pack

When we become the leader, we get the opportunity to practice what we have been preparing. We are told: "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear" (D&C 38:30). When I have sufficiently prepared for a long ride I find that I have enough strength to endure to the end. I find that I rely upon the Lord when I am alone on these long rides. He is the One I can draft off, always. When I find that I am alone, not only on trike rides, but any time in life, I can seek for that gift "to believe on their words", and I am strengthened by the words of Christ. I have learned to trust in the Lord.

I love this scripture: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). This is the way a solo rider can draft, by relying upon the Lord. He will direct our path when we follow His lead (see D&C 78:18). Sometimes, no matter how much I have prepared, I am taken by surprise by weather, hill climbs, flat tires, or other unforeseen events. But I endure because I trust in the Lord. I know that all who "seek this Jesus" will also be able to "perform their labors" (Ether 12:41; Alma 34:32) no matter if they are in the middle, the leader, or a solo rider. This I testify.

Riding solo on a century ride, both of us unable to draft of each other and must rely on our own preparation.

"And upon these I write the things of my soul..." (2 Nephi 4:15)

This being my 200th post I keep thinking about why I write this blog and how I feel about sharing it. "I write the things of my soul" (2 Nephi 4:15) and don't want to be mocked. I have to admit that I have pangs of anxiety every time I go to press the "publish" button. I totally relate to Moroni when he pleads with the Lord about his writing, "[People] will mock at these things, because of our weakness in writing; for Lord thou hast made us mighty in word by faith, but thou hast not made us mighty in writing...when we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words; and I fear lest the [people] shall mock at our words" (Ether 12:23, 25). I feel exactly the same way- that people will only see my misspelled words, sloppy sentences, or my multiple mistakes. But my desire to share the things that I know to be true with my loved ones, and all of God's children is stronger than the anxiety I feel. So I write.

It gives me courage to write when I read the Lord's reply to Moroni. He says, "Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness" (Ether 12:26). So, if people make fun of what I write, or even choose not to read it due to my clumsiness, I write anyway.

I so love the scriptures! And so I write about them. I find joy, comfort, peace, and guidance in them, for they are the words of Christ (see 2 Nephi 33:10; Colossians 3:16; 2 Nephi 32:3). I have been through some really hard things (everyone goes through hard things) and it is the scriptures (you can read and even watch Bible videos here) that have helped me and given me direction and hope in those hard times. I have learned for myself the truth of these words: "Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do" (2 Nephi 32:3). The scriptures have shown me all things that I need to do. The challenge is to "go and do" (1 Nephi 3:7) for I am not perfect in the application but I keep trying. I write in hopes "...that your joy may be full" (1 John 1:4) as you "go and do" also.

I write for my children and loved ones. This is one of my favorite scriptures. It is the words of Nephi and for me, it says very clearly another reason I write: "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies (prophecies being testimony- see Revelations 19:10), that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins" (2 Nephi 25:26). I want my children to know that it is through the grace of Jesus Christ that all sin, pain, every affliction, temptations, and death- all of it, is made whole in Him and He will succor us in, through, and during all of it (see Alma 7:11-13) as we turn to Him. And so I write.

I don't believe everyone needs to keep a public journal or blog their thoughts. But we each can write blessings by our daily actions. Elder Carlos E. Asay said, "We do, in fact, write our own blessings by the way we live and serve" (Write Your Own Blessing). I write many of the things I know to be true here. But hopefully, the most powerful writing I will do is my daily living of these truths. I am not perfect at it, but I keep practicing (I'm a practicing Christian after all). "And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures... For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children" (2 Nephi 4:15). And this is why I write.

I write that my children may know...

Yes- that these awesome children may know! They are why I write the things of my soul

Now go and write your own blessings. (You're always welcome to share them with me!) Know you are loved!!!

"...look forward unto Christ with steadfastness..." (2 nephi 26:8)

As I look forward at the rapidly approaching Christmas season I realize I make a yearly promise that "this season will be different". I promise myself that I will worry less about shopping, getting stuff, and being places and do more for the people I love. The "do more" would be spend time with my family, and serve my neighbors, be aware of those in need and "lift the hands that hang down and the feeble knees" (Hebrews 12:12) and really give the gift of love the Savior taught to give. I realize that it isn't just a seasonal problem or dilemma. It is a year round challenge to "look forward unto Christ with steadfastness" (2 nephi 26:8) and to continually "seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written" (Ether 12:41) and do testify of.

In the Old Testament Lot's wife didn't look forward, but "looked back" (Genesis 19:26). She wanted to return to the former life they had in Sodom and Gomorrah. I seem to have the same problem with my Christmas planning. Procrastination isn't a very good gift for me to be giving on a regular basis, and going on a personal guilt trip doesn't make the Christmas season much of a vacation. It isn't a very relaxed time of the year. Shoving aside all my weaknesses, and wiping the slate clean is a real challenge for me. But, Christ has said and promised, "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me" (D&C 19:23). Notice, we must learn and listen and walk. He has given us a formula we can follow.

In our day and age people really like science and want proof and evidence. One formula that is guaranteed peace, from "The Prince of Peace" Himself (Isaiah 9:6; 2 Nephi 19:6) is: learn of Christ; listen to His words; walk in the meekness of His Spirit. Christ looked forward. He suffered in Gethsemane "being in an agony...and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground" (Luke 22:44). He then was taken prisoner and abandoned by his friends (Luke 22:47-62), yet, He looked forward. "They mocked Him, and smote Him" (Luke 22:63-71) which we would now call the worst kind of bullying ever. He was tried unfairly (see Luke 23:13-24), and then, looking forward, He carried his own cross and was then crucified (see Luke 23:26). The wonderful joy is that He did not remain in the grave. The angels stated, "He is not here, but is risen" (Luke 24:6). At His death He looked forward knowing He would rise again (see Mark 16:9; Luke 24:39; 3 Nephi 11:12-15).

Ahead there is great joy! Faith in Christ always leads to joy. I hope to focus this coming Christmas season on Christ, just as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has said. "[Christmas] should...be a time of looking to the future. Let us look forward. Let us prepare for that blessed day when He will come again. Let us be as wise as those ancients who watched for His coming. As His disciples, let us have in our hearts and minds the words of John: "Even so, come, Lord Jesus" (Seeing Christmas through New Eyes). May we "look forward unto Christ with steadfastness" (2 nephi 26:8) not only in the coming Christmas season, but every day of the year. There is great joy as we look forward with faith in Christ. This I testify.

Our family looking forward to the coming year (taken New Year's Eve 2013). Here's to the coming Christmas season and all that is ahead!

"...I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:19)

I have always known that my parents age, but in my mind they have always been really young. So, when ill health or problems have come their way, it has been a bit difficult for me emotionally to watch them deal with pain, suffering, and major trauma to their bodies- most recently, my mother. I have had many opportunities to serve her daily. I keep thinking that I am suppose to feel joy when I am serving others, at least that is what I have been told. What I have been shocked at is the darkness and great feelings of oppression and desperation that have seemed to over take my thoughts and mind. This is not at all what getting older is suppose to be like- let alone the experience of being a caregiver. I now realize that most of these things- death, illness, mental health or physical health of a an aging parent, are not talked about in casual conversation. These feelings of darkness have been overwhelming at times...but I keep moving forward.

Today, as I have sought for answers in the scriptures, I read in D&C 4:2, "Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve Him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day". I thought, I am serving Him by serving my mother (see Mosiah 2:17) with all my heart, might, mind and strength, to the point of exhaustion. So, why am I so sad? Well, service isn't always easy. Sometimes it does push us to the breaking point. Paul said of his trials of serving: "Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations" (Acts 20:19). He served with tears and with temptations due to "lying in wait of the Jews". It wasn't all cake and ice cream. It was difficult, and hard, and trying. 

I keep wanting to rejoice in the opportunity to serve my mother. It has been wonderful to spend time with her and talk and share special moments. I can relate to Nephi when he says, "Neverthless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me His great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities...And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:17,19). The drowning feelings come and go, but I know I will be okay because I do know in whom I have trusted. "My God hath been my support; He hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness..." (2 Nephi 4:20).

God does lead us through our afflictions, through the wilderness of life. Aging is a part of this life. Many of us get to have the full experience of aging and all the trials and tribulations that come with it. Being a caregiver or the one being cared for, neither is an easy role, but there is peace that comes when we "know in whom [we] have trusted".

My sweet mother with her brother and his wife. Love these people!

"That which is of God is light" (D&C 50:24)

The phrase: "That which is of God is light" (D&C 50:24) has given me great hope in a time when I have been, what feels like, in an endless darkness. It can, at times, be black and suffocating. When I get like that, I get very uncomfortable and I seem to have a warped sense of what is and is not. It is then that I pray that I may see "...things as they really are, and of things as they really will be" (Jacob 4:13). To have the view of things "as they really are" helps me know that this darkness is temporary. The burden of blackness is not fun in anyway, and it is a great burden to bear. I plead, when it comes, to be gone and to have light again. But sometimes the burden stays longer than I would like.

We all have burdens that we must endure, and some which we may have to bear for a lifetime. As I have pondered this "blackness" that comes, I realize that God is light, not dark. It is one thing to tell myself this and a whole other thing to put it into practice. But I keep practicing. Christ calls us out of darkness: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). My thoughts turn to "light". He say's His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Perhaps light means something more than just light weight. Perhaps it means- light, as in spiritual light.

Burdens are heavy, but will be made "light" through Christ. They can be a source for us to access His light- the light of truth, as we come unto Him. We are taught, "That which is of God is light: and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day" (D&C 50:24). What God gives us is spiritual light, which leads us out of darkness. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "...Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light- He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness" (The Hope of God's Light).

Though this burden of darkness sometimes seems overwhelming and can be debilitating, I know that there is great hope and light in this experience. I also know that I must "come unto Christ" (see Matthew 11:28-30) if I want the darkness to dissipate. When darkness hits, or burdens of any kind, the way to get out of darkness is to "begin exactly where you are right now. It doesn't matter how unqualified you may think you are or how far behind others you may feel. The very moment you begin to seek your Heavenly Father, in that moment, the hope of His light will begin to awaken, enliven, and ennoble your soul. The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but as surely as night always gives way to dawn, the light will come" (The Hope of God's Light). 

"That which is of God is light" (D&C 50:24)- not only is it light in weight, but is spiritual light! "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life" (John 8:12). Christ is there to help us bear our burdens, to guide us through the dark, and to fill us with light, "...and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day" (D&C 50:24). This I testify.

He will make our burdens "light"

Christ is the light of the world

"...Encircled about...in the arms of His love" (2 Nephi 1:15)

Sometimes I have felt a little distanced in Relief Society, like, feeling lonely in a room full of people. I blame no one for these feelings of insecurity, and I realized that if I wanted to love Relief Society and the sisters who are in my ward, I needed to be responsible for the change. I wanted to have a stronger testimony that this is God's work and He is aware of me therefore I began to ask for such (see Alma 7:23). It has come to me that this is God's organization for woman to aid, serve, lift, and to truly help relieve suffering. I now understand and know that we are not only figuratively, but also, "literally encircled in the arms of His love" (Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley; 2 Nephi 1:15). Here are a couple of experiences that have helped strengthen my testimony of Relief Society and the power of sisterhood that is within this organization.

I have been able to enjoy quilting with four sisters in my ward on a regular basis at the Humanitarian Center (read about the Humanitarian Center here). We are able to tie quilts that are sent all over the world to those in need and visit together. These women are so positive, devoted, caring, and faithful. I have come to truly love these women who love the Lord and serve Him in so many ways. I have enjoyed spending time with them and learning about their lives, their faith, their hopes, and difficult times. Their faith has strengthened my faith and resolve to "endure in faith to the end" (D&C 20:25) even when things don't always go as expected or planned.

Recently, without going into great detail, my mother has had some very serious health issues. A lot of her care and welfare has been my responsibility. My sister and sister-in-law have been an incredible source of support and help. This has been, at times, moments, hours, and days, an overwhelming experience to watch my mother suffer and endure great pain. I have spent countless hours caring for her at home and at the hospital. One day, after having been at the hospital, I came home to make dinner for my family- it was late and I was exhausted. It also happened that my husband was also working late that particular night. I started to pull some things out of the fridge when I turned and noticed a rotisserie chicken on our counter and a loaf of bread. I was confused about where it had come from. I asked my son, "Where did this chicken come from?" My son told me that one of the sisters in the quilt group had dropped it off saying, "Eat this now or when you need it." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I made cauliflower and a small salad to go with it. I was filled with peace and comfort from this small act of kindness. I was literally "encircled about...in the arms of His love" (2 Nephi 1:15). Because of this thoughtful act of service, I felt some relief from my suffering. My burden had been made lighter (see Mosiah 18:8).

The following day, another sister from this quilting group called me to see how my mother and I were doing. It was a simple phone call, but oh, how it nourished my soul, and again, made my burden lighter to bear. It confirmed the words of a prophet: "It is the natural instinct of women to reach out in love to those in distress" (Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley). I was in distress, yet, I felt loved and supported as this dear sister reached out through a simple phone call.

My suffering was again alleviated when my visiting teacher called and asked if she could stop by. I had just returned home after having spent many hours helping my mother. It had been an especially long and emotional day. At the time I was watching my brothers three youngest children so he and his wife could go and visit with our mother. When my visiting teacher showed up to visit, she had in her hands a small plant and a belated birthday card. As we began to visit she said, "I haven't read the message but the first line jumped out at me and it says, 'I will not leave you comfortless" (John 14:18). It couldn't have been more perfectly timed or said. She then bore the most tender and heartfelt testimony of God's love for us, and said, "Even when there is a new mountain to climb, He will guide us and help us in our darkest times". Indeed He does!

God "encircles [us] about...in the arms of His love through the Relief Society whose members are daughters of God who love Him. It is a society of sisters, all connected by service, covenant keeping, charity, faith, and hope. What a beautiful and godly blessing to be surrounded by these precious women, my sisters in the gospel, even my sisters in Relief Society- who act as God's hands in offering relief to those who suffer and encircling us in the arms of His love.

"...Pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44)

Practicing is important...and this is what I learned about practicing from a sandwich.

I was riding my trike up a hill close to the local high school when I got smacked on the arm with something wet, soggy, and it hurt. Stuff splattered all over my bike and me. I was shocked to find that the kids in the black Jeep had just thrown a sandwich out their window at me. They were laughing as they accelerated away from me. I sat up in my seat and yelled, "Thanks a lot! Nice, really nice!" If I could have, I would have caught up to them...but going uphill on a trike, pretty much impossible.

As I continued on my ride, with the stench of  what smelled like some sort of salad dressing on my arm, I was trying so hard not to be angry, I mean really angry. I don't like being mad on my rides. It's my way of relaxing and enjoying life. I usually get a lot of friendly waves and thumbs up when I ride- never food thrown at me. So, I kept thinking about how I should handle this. Honestly, I wanted to knock some sense into these kids, but I had no idea who they were or where to find them. So, I just had to keep thinking about what is the better way to handle this. I didn't want to ruin my ride by thinking negative thoughts.

I did think, "Forgive them; for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34), but I believe they knew exactly what they were doing. So, that one did not defuse my frustration or anger about it. I was still just so shocked that someone would be so mean. Then the thought came to me, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). Well, I could do that, pray for them...

But as I continue to ponder this incident, I realize that there are some mean people in the world. I don't have to judge them or even knock some sense into them. It is "required to forgive all men. And [I] ought to say in [my] heart-let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds" (D&C 64:10-11). Easier said than done.

As the days have gone by, and my anger has defused, and I have had more time to ponder this incident I realized that, ultimately, I don't want to behave as they did. If I had caught them and clobbered them or even been rude to them, I would have behaved as they did. Rude and mean.  I don't want to be mean-whether on accident or on purpose. So, what I realized from being splattered with sandwich and smelling so lovely (sarcasm) of salad dressing, was that I really want to be able to truly be kind in all circumstances. It is so easily said, and not so easily applied. But, I do believe it is possible to "love your enemies" and "bless them that curse you" and "do good them them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). It just takes a lot of practice. It really is good to be a practicing Christian, because if I weren't then that sandwich would have been a real waste.

"Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life" (3 Nephi 15:9).

I had the opportunity to ride The Cache Valley Century (that's 100 miles) on August 23, 2014. This has been, to date, the most difficult century I have had to endure. It wasn't because of the distance, or the hills. It was due to the weather. I was able to ride with my son, Stockton, this being his first century ride (and probably last), for most of it. The ride started out with gorgeous weather. The temperature was just right, the sun was out, and there was a cheerful feeling in the air. At the first rest stop Stockton dumped his jacket and his longer pants because it was warm and he didn't really need them. Shortly thereafter, Stockton and I split about mile 35, with him going ahead with my dad and brother who have a faster pace than I do. I continued on my own, enjoying the ride and the beautiful country.

Not long after, the weather took a sharp turn. There were dark clouds that gathered quickly and I had just the right amount of time to get on my rain gear. The rain poured down with some hail to make it even worse. The rain gear was obsolete, but it did break the wind. I was at 50 miles when it stopped raining. I was really in the debate about whether or not I wanted to finish. I was cold and pretty much soaked. I called Jeff, and he encouraged me after I told him I was alone and of the weather conditions. About 10 minutes later the weather dumped again. Rain and hail just pelting down. It was hard to see, and the wind was in my face forcing me to go at a very slow pace.

Shortly after, I found out that my brother-in-law was at mile 70. This gave me courage to continue pedaling. I had no idea where Stockton was, thinking that perhaps he had chosen to do the 60 mile ride. I knew my dad and brother had done the 60 miles and was informed they had completed their ride. With rain pouring down, I continued to pedal, keeping my eyes peeled for my brother-in-law. We passed each other, me asking him how far to the next rest stop. He yelled, "About another 10 miles"! I passed several people hiding under trees, and just stopped due to the raging wind, rain, and dime sized hail. At this point these thoughts went through my mind, "Why in the heck did I want to do this ride? Should I really keep going? What am I trying to prove?"

I kept going. The sun came out as I rounded a corner to enter the rest stop at 70 miles. Low and behold, there was Stockton!!! He was standing there in his shorts and t-shirt shivering. He had no gloves so his hands were pretty numb.  I asked if he wanted to call dad and have him come get us. "Nope, I'm going to keep going", he replied. I had been ready to quit and would have had Stockton not been there. We stayed there for about 45 minutes trying to warm up in the sun. When we took off, Stockton was in the lead. He pushed the pace to 19 mph. I tried to keep up and was able to only because it started to rain again after about 5 miles. Again, it dumped rain and hail. We just kept plugging away, encouraging each other just by the mere presences of being together.

As it was dumping rain, I watched Stockton ahead of me, and I am praying for it to stop raining on my son. He is such a good and righteous young man that I just wanted him to not have to endure this horrible weather or have such a bad experience for his first century ride. As I am praying for him the thought comes, "For it must needs be, that here is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11), and then, "...He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust" (Matthew 5:45). We all get to endure "bad weather". All of God's children are to be "tried in all things" (D&C 136:31), even the just and the unjust. We don't get to decide what we have to endure. Nope. What we get to decide is whether or not we will endure. The bad weather broke with about 8 miles left. We enjoyed each others company, and I was so grateful he was there to ride with me to the end.

As Stockton and I crested the last hill there was a street light we had to stop at. There across the street was my husband, Jeff, and our son, Ethan. I started to cry I was so relieved and happy to see them! We went around the block to finish and there was Jeff, our two other sons, my dad, my brother-in-law, and brother and his whole family cheering for us. It was so overwhelming to see these people that I love I couldn't hold back the sobs (literally) of joy and relief of seeing them. There was so much joy after having finished and enduring to the end! It hit me how important it is to "endure to the end" in all things.

Elder Richard J. Maynes said this about enduring: "As we temporarily endure the challenges we can solve and as we continue to endure the challenges we cannot solve, it is important to remember that the spiritual strength we develop will help us successfully endure all the challenges we face in life" (The Strength to Endure). After riding this century and enduring such harsh weather conditions I realize even more that there is purpose in difficult things. The joy of seeing loved ones at the end can't be described. That is what eternal life, for me, is all about- FAMILY!

Christ said, "Behold, I am the the law, and the light. Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life" (3 Nephi 15:9). When I finished with Stockton by my side and my family members cheering us on, I had never been more alive. I was filled with joy. I testify that as we endure the "harsh weather" and other challenges that come our way, we will be filled with peace, joy, and receive spiritual strength to endure all things. "For with God nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37).

Stockton before the ride. Note the jacket and pants that he ditched at the first rest stop

Stockton at the first rest stop. Notice the jacket and pants are now gone. Also note the clear, blue, sunny skies!

Ready to head out from the first rest stop.

The last 8 miles were without rain, but the roads were still wet. Those are my feet and Stockton in in front of me.

Taken by Jeff as we crossed at the light- this is when I started to cry from relief and joy of seeing him and Ethan. Notice Stockton now has my rain jacket on...he was very cold!

Stockton crossing the "finish line" made by my brother and brother-in-law. 

Me crossing the makeshift finish line. We were the last ones in...or crazy enough to keep going. Everything had been taken down and put away by the time we arrived.

The bruises on my arm from the hail.

The sky after the storm. It was beautiful country!

"...And [He] fed them with manna that they might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things did He do for them" (Mosiah 7:19)

All these fun adds about "Got...", "Got...", "Got...". Well, I've been thinking about getting and what it is I really want to get and have I "got it". In a conversation with a friend we were discussing the Israelites and manna. They were provided daily with manna and could not gather more than was sufficient for the days needs (see Exodus 16). Ironically enough, manna translates to: "What is it?" (Bible Dictionary: Manna). So I ask myself, what is it I really want? And am I willing to gather all I need to "get it"? Or am I always looking for more?

I then began to think about manna as a miracle, for that is really what it was. God provided food for the Israelites daily when they were wishing they were back in Egypt "[sitting] by the flesh pots, and when [they] did eat bread to the full" and complaining of their deliverance saying to Moses, "for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger" (Exodus 16:3). I know I would have complained if there was no food. If I am even a little hungry I get "hangry", that's angry and hungry at the same time. Not a good combination. As I write this I realize I don't want to be "hangry", I want to be grateful...I want to get thankful. "Got gratitude"?

God is so merciful in His reply to the complaints of the Israelites: "Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no" (Exodus 16:4). God does provide- and not just sometimes. He provides every single day! But sometimes I am just too busy looking for what I don't have that I don't see what is being given and provided daily. God's message to them was this: "At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the Lord your God" (Exodus 16:12). They ate "manna" every day, bread from the Lord.

This leads me to asking what "manna" have I received from the Lord this day? Or "Got manna"? All too often I probably take what really is a miracle as coincidence, or luck, or it's just how things are. But in reality, these small day to day "coincidences" are miracles. One daily miracle in my life is to gather our family together for dinner. What an incredible gift to spend time with my loved ones, hearing about their day, their thoughts, and who they are. What a miracle to be able to get a drink of water from the tap, and add ice to the glass! I don't have to walk to the well to gather water every day. What a miracle that I can read and study the scriptures and the voice of the Lord's prophets with the touch of a button (scriptures found here; Teachings of the Prophets found here).

These may seem like no big deal, but when I start thinking about all the "small and simple things" (Alma 37:6) that make my life so easy and incredibly blessed, it is truly "bread from heaven" (John 6:31). I love what King  Limhi says about manna: "Therefore, lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your trust in God, in that God who was the God of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; and also, that God who brought the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the Red Sea on dry ground, and fed them with manna that they might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things did He do for them" (Mosiah 7:19). God provides manna for us every day that we "might not perish in the wilderness".

So I ask myself, "what is it" I really want to get? And you know what? I "Got Manna"! We all "Got Manna"! Let us open our eyes (see D&C 76:116-118), gather what is offered daily (see Exodus 16:4), because we are "fed...with manna that [we] might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things [does] He do for [us]" (Mosiah 7:19).

"And I will also be your light in the wilderness" (1 Nephi 17:13)

There were some incredible sunsets, silver linings, and awesome clouds on my rides these past weeks. As I watched the light change, and the silver linings appear I couldn't help but think how God is filled with light. I love what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland about silver linings. "Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed" (An High Priest of Good Things to Come).

Sometimes it may feel like we are just wandering or riding around with no direction, but He will always be our Light. "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led" (1 Nephi 17:13).

Today, just keep "pedaling"...the Light is there, the clouds pass away, for we are being led to greater things (sometimes there are even rainbows at the top of the mountain). More often than not, it's hard, challenging, and a lot of work, but the climb is always worth it! The Light is always there, we just have to wait for the clouds to part. And they always do- this I testify.

Silver lining 

Silver Lining just a minute later- even more light!

Sunset looking to the West

Same sunset looking to the East- reflected light through the clouds

Light behind the clouds- sometimes we just have to wait for them to part in order to see the Light

"I will be your light "- seek Him and we shall always find Him

And sometimes there is even a rainbow at the end of the "climb"

"What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am" (3 Nephi 27:27)

I finally  completed a huge basket that I have been working on for several months. The process of this basket took a lot longer than I had anticipated. I had in my mind, when I started, a rim I really wanted to do. It would be beautiful and functional. I had done the process on much smaller baskets, but never on a large basket. As I worked on that rim, it was not going as I had anticipated. It didn't look as well as I wanted it to and then I had shoulder surgery, so I didn't finish the rim in a timely fashion. When I finally got back to working on the basket I realized that some of the pieces had been broken and this particular rim wasn't going to be strong enough for the size of basket. A rim adds great strength in keeping a basket together. So, I took it all off and I let it sit for another couple of weeks. When I finally made a decision of what to do, went forward and worked on it, step by step, then it came together. I was able to finish it. It took way longer than I wanted it to, but I finally finished it!

Sometimes I realize that I have an idea of what something is "suppose" to look like in my mind, such as being kind, serving others, or being a good wife or mother, and that picture, well- it's just not quite right. So I have to change things and try again. I have to keep trying. The Savior asks, "What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am" (3 Nephi 27:27). To me, what the Savior is really asking is, "Are you willing to make something of yourself  by following My vision, My way, even when you have to undo, or redo something to make it the best"? It's not always easy, but the finished product is so much better than what I had originally envisioned.

After working on this basket for several months I realize that in order to make something strong, beautiful and functional it takes time, patience, diligence, and willingness to fix mistakes. It doesn't come together in a day. The whole process, the dying of the reed, the measuring and cutting, the weaving and shaping, the pulling and tightening and loosening, the entire process is what makes the basket complete. This is the same with us. It is the entire process of learning, living, loving, obeying that makes us into what manner of men and women we ought to be. It is "faith, hope, charity, and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, [which] qualify [us] for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you" (D&C 4:5-7).

Becoming the man or woman the Lord knows we are is sometimes, well, work. What a blessing we get "time to prepare" (see Alma 12:24; Alma 34:32). Time to weave it all together, and even get the rim on nice and tight so that we can be strong, functional, and incredibly beautiful- just like our Savior!

The completed basket

Signed and dated with inscription

My son Slade...telling me, "It's totally awesome".

Note the quarter on the ground for comparison of size.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you" (Philippians 1:3)

I know this is more sentimental than normal, and this is written more specifically to my friend, ThuVan. I couldn't have made it through some of the most difficult times of my life without you. You are missed greatly!!!

I want to share a little about a dear friend who moved away about a year ago and it has been different not having her around. She is a devout Catholic and she lives what she believes. She taught me about many things through her example. She would volunteer at the local soup kitchen, take food to others in need without being asked. I know she is an incredible mother who encourages her children to make good choices and then live with the consequences, good or bad. She supported me, loved me even when my faults were hanging out all over the place. She was a true friend, for "a friend loveth at all times" (Proverbs 17:17). She celebrated my successes and helped me learn to forgive and love others. I now understand more fully this scripture: "A [woman] that hath friends must shew [herself] friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). She truly stuck by me through many difficult and challenging experiences.

My friend introduced me to all sorts of new foods. We ate Pho noodles (pronounced fu- the u pronounced as in up) which is a Vietnamese dish. In it I tried flank, tendon, meatballs and often many unknown items. The meatballs are very different from ours; but everything else was pretty decent. I also ate lobster and oysters for the first time with her. We ate a lot of spicy foods together. One time we decided to try a hot wing challenge at a restaurant because we had eaten so many spicy, hot dishes before that we didn't think it would be a big deal to try these. If we ate all the wings we would pass the "test" and get a t-shirt. One bite of the wings made her really sick and me, I was sick later that day. We didn't pass that "test" but we did get a good laugh out of it...later. With all our eating, we would talk and talk. I was truly strengthened and lifted when we would eat and talk. This scripture comes to mind when I think about all our conversations: "Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversations, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings" (D&C 108:7).

We walked miles and miles together. We talked, shared, cried, and laughed together. I could open my soul to her and know I was safe. On one of our walks we got lost and ended up walking for about 4 hours rather than our usual hour and a half. Through our walking and talking I learned about true greatness and accomplishment from her example of quiet service, compassion, caring, diligence in achieving difficult things, and acceptance of others. Pres. Howard W. Hunter said it perfectly: "...true greatness is a long-term process; it may involve occasional setbacks. The end result may not always be clearly visible, but it seems that it always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time" (True Greatness). She also lived this by continuing her education and receiving her masters degree in occupational therapy. While doing so, her husband got a new job and needed to move before she had completed her studies. She stayed here in Utah while her husband moved. It wasn't easy for her and her children being apart from him. But it was through consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary steps that they made it work. I am grateful for her example of enduring well through difficult experiences. And for being a true friend at all times.

As I write these experiences I realize: "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you" (Philippians 1:3). Wow I really miss you!

Me and ThuVan celebrating my 40th birthday. 

My lobster lunch...first time I ever had lobster. YUM! (Thanks ThuVan!!!)

We would often walk to this park from our neighborhood 

We ate at Silver Fork Lodge...this picture was taken after ThuVan moved. I rode my trike up the canyon and took it.

A year after she moved...she stopped by for a visit and a walk. Had to get a picture before we parted ways again.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). May the Lord bless you with good friends. Many hugs to all! And know you are loved!!!