"...I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:19)

I have always known that my parents age, but in my mind they have always been really young. So, when ill health or problems have come their way, it has been a bit difficult for me emotionally to watch them deal with pain, suffering, and major trauma to their bodies- most recently, my mother. I have had many opportunities to serve her daily. I keep thinking that I am suppose to feel joy when I am serving others, at least that is what I have been told. What I have been shocked at is the darkness and great feelings of oppression and desperation that have seemed to over take my thoughts and mind. This is not at all what getting older is suppose to be like- let alone the experience of being a caregiver. I now realize that most of these things- death, illness, mental health or physical health of a an aging parent, are not talked about in casual conversation. These feelings of darkness have been overwhelming at times...but I keep moving forward.

Today, as I have sought for answers in the scriptures, I read in D&C 4:2, "Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve Him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day". I thought, I am serving Him by serving my mother (see Mosiah 2:17) with all my heart, might, mind and strength, to the point of exhaustion. So, why am I so sad? Well, service isn't always easy. Sometimes it does push us to the breaking point. Paul said of his trials of serving: "Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations" (Acts 20:19). He served with tears and with temptations due to "lying in wait of the Jews". It wasn't all cake and ice cream. It was difficult, and hard, and trying. 

I keep wanting to rejoice in the opportunity to serve my mother. It has been wonderful to spend time with her and talk and share special moments. I can relate to Nephi when he says, "Neverthless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me His great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities...And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:17,19). The drowning feelings come and go, but I know I will be okay because I do know in whom I have trusted. "My God hath been my support; He hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness..." (2 Nephi 4:20).

God does lead us through our afflictions, through the wilderness of life. Aging is a part of this life. Many of us get to have the full experience of aging and all the trials and tribulations that come with it. Being a caregiver or the one being cared for, neither is an easy role, but there is peace that comes when we "know in whom [we] have trusted".

My sweet mother with her brother and his wife. Love these people!

"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17)

This past week has been a week of learning. I ended up, by default, if you will, being in charge of organizing and feeding about 80 people for a water polo event. I didn't get to decide the date, the location, or the menu. For whatever reason, I was in a really grouchy mood because people hadn't paid for their meals and I needed a head count to know how much food to order, and decided I was upset about the date when this past week began. I was doing some minor complaining to some other women about the date being so late. The next day, I received a text from one of the women apologizing for making the banquet so late after the season ended. Needless to say, I felt horrible because in my selfish frustration, I had forgotten who had been there to start the planning and organizing of this event. These good women did the best they could, they didn't need criticism. I immediately sent a text back and apologized for my attitude and thanked her for all she was doing.

After I received that text I realized a lot of things. We so readily quote the scripture, "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17) that we forget that it encompasses a broader view of things than just serving each other. It also means this: What attitude you serve your fellow beings you are also serving your God with that same attitude. When I realized this, that my attitude was not what it should be, I wanted to change it, immediately! Having this new perspective made all the difference. I wanted to be cheerful serving God. I realized when God says, "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C122:7) isn't just a nice thought, but it is an eternal truth. He knows exactly what we need in order to progress. It is us who gets things all mixed up and want to take needless control. God really is in charge. We get to make choices, but we don't get to choose the consequences, whether good or bad. We also get to choose the attitude in which we serve, and boy are things a lot easier if we have a good attitude!

When I realized that I needed an attitude change I was able to be open to learning so many more things. I learned how to cook ribs for 50 people, which can easily be expanded to 80 or 100. This is a great skill and I learned I don't really want to be a caterer. I learned that complaining can hurt other people, especially good, innocent people and that hopefully (I know I will have to keep working on this one) I can focus on the good that is being done by everyone. I learned that "...to be learned is good if [we] hearken unto the counsels of God" (2 Nephi 9:29). All my "knowledge" from past events is good only if I am willing to share it with a good attitude and be flexible.

God knows what we need to learn. The challenge is to "seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from His hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that He counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy over all His works" (Jacob 4:10 italics, bold mine). Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926-2004) stated: "In a very real sense, all we need to know is that God knows all!" (Book Of Mormon Student Manuel, Religion 121-122; 2009, pg.67),

 I also learned this week, or rather was reminded to, "Do all things without murmurings and disputings" (Philippians 2:14). The attitude in which we serve others, is the attitude in which we serve the Lord. This I testify, makes a huge difference.

"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17)

Today I was given a small, and very thoughtful gift. I was very touched by this for two reasons. One reason is because this friend didn't know I was having a "cloudy day" and stopped by with this small gift bag of treats. And the second reason I was touched was that she made these treats! They are kisses with mini-vanilla wafers on them, with pieces of pecans and pretzels for the stem all in the shape of acorns. I wouldn't think to make something like this, let alone take the time. I really appreciate the time and talent it takes to do this! They are so sweet (literally and figuratively)!

These little treats made me think of two scriptures. The first one is: "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17). Being wise enough in this day and age to take the time to serve others is a true gift of ones self. All too often I hear of others saying, "That's not my job" and letting things go unattended and things getting broken or hurt rather than the bigger idea of "Love thy neighbor" (Matthew 19:19). When we are serving others we are doing so much more than just "service". We are making the world a better place to live by lifting others (see Ecclesiastes 4:9-10), we are adding "light" through doing "good works" (see Matthew 5:16), we are "willing to bear one another's burdens" (Mosiah 18:8), we are increasing love here on earth when we serve each other (1 thessalonians 3:12). We are becoming "saviors of men" (D&C 103:9) and as we are doing this, we are doing exactly what Christ wants us to do. He wants us to: "Learn of [Him]" (see D&C 19:23; Matthew 11:29) and become more like Him (see 3 Nephi 12:48).

Serving others doesn't need to be difficult and burdensome. Here is the second scripture that came to mind when this little gift was given to me today: "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6). It is "foolishness" when we think that serving others has to take a ton of time, energy, or money because most of us don't have a ton of those commodities. Be we have some of them. And therefore, "by small and simple things" we can and do make a difference!

While we were in Vermont, my husband and I were able to see a helm of a ship. I was amazed at how small it really was in comparison to the rest of the ship. The Lord says: "You know...that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves. Therefore, dearly beloved...let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed" (D&C 123:16-17). We are very small, but can do great things! We can be the "means" of helping others weather the storms of life. And we all have storms, or sometimes just cloudy days.

What a blessing to have friends and be given opportunities to be the kind of friend and neighbor who will do "small and simple things" to help lay the "foundation of a great work" (see D&C 64:33). "The Lord does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs" (President Spencer W. Kimball). It is a great feeling to be "instruments in the hands of God" (Mosiah 27:36). This I testify.

 These are the acorn treats that my friend and neighbor made and gave me. They are so sweet!  And thank you to my youngest son for taking the photo!

This is the helm of a ship...it is the green, round shape with the brown handles on it. It steers  the entire ship.