"...I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:19)

I have always known that my parents age, but in my mind they have always been really young. So, when ill health or problems have come their way, it has been a bit difficult for me emotionally to watch them deal with pain, suffering, and major trauma to their bodies- most recently, my mother. I have had many opportunities to serve her daily. I keep thinking that I am suppose to feel joy when I am serving others, at least that is what I have been told. What I have been shocked at is the darkness and great feelings of oppression and desperation that have seemed to over take my thoughts and mind. This is not at all what getting older is suppose to be like- let alone the experience of being a caregiver. I now realize that most of these things- death, illness, mental health or physical health of a an aging parent, are not talked about in casual conversation. These feelings of darkness have been overwhelming at times...but I keep moving forward.

Today, as I have sought for answers in the scriptures, I read in D&C 4:2, "Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve Him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day". I thought, I am serving Him by serving my mother (see Mosiah 2:17) with all my heart, might, mind and strength, to the point of exhaustion. So, why am I so sad? Well, service isn't always easy. Sometimes it does push us to the breaking point. Paul said of his trials of serving: "Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations" (Acts 20:19). He served with tears and with temptations due to "lying in wait of the Jews". It wasn't all cake and ice cream. It was difficult, and hard, and trying. 

I keep wanting to rejoice in the opportunity to serve my mother. It has been wonderful to spend time with her and talk and share special moments. I can relate to Nephi when he says, "Neverthless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me His great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities...And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:17,19). The drowning feelings come and go, but I know I will be okay because I do know in whom I have trusted. "My God hath been my support; He hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness..." (2 Nephi 4:20).

God does lead us through our afflictions, through the wilderness of life. Aging is a part of this life. Many of us get to have the full experience of aging and all the trials and tribulations that come with it. Being a caregiver or the one being cared for, neither is an easy role, but there is peace that comes when we "know in whom [we] have trusted".

My sweet mother with her brother and his wife. Love these people!

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13)

I mentioned that I have been going to physical therapy (read here). I now go twice a week. It is so painful at times and yet I know I need to the help to be stretched and strengthened. My physical therapist, George Shirley, the owner of Fast Track Physical Therapy, knows exactly what he is doing. He has a masters degree in athletic training and a doctorate in physical therapy. He is smart, kind, funny, honest and encouraging. It is so nice to be able to trust in his ability to help me get my full range of motion back. I really have to trust him. He will hold my arm and I must completely relax it in order for him to stretch it and move it so that I can get improved range of motion. Trust in George's knowledge and ability is paramount especially when he stretches my arm and it hurts- not sharp pain, but the kind of pain I know will give me improved movement and stability. I have to trust that he knows how much weight I should add or what exercises I should be doing on my own so that progression will take place...even when there is pain. I must "trust and then go and do" (see Trust in the Lord, Then Go and Do).

Of course doing physical therapy twice a week has led me to pondering about trust, trusting in the Lord to guide us and lead us along, even when it's painful. He knows exactly how far to stretch and push us so that we will get stronger. He knows how much weight we can bare. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). Just as I must trust George to stretch my arm just the right amount and not too much, we must also trust the Lord that He will stretch us and give us the right load to bare so that we may become stronger. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13). We become stronger with the help of Christ! Even when there is pain, we increase in strength, ability to reach, and range of motion- both literally and symbolically.

Me with my PT- George Shirley

Elder Henry B. Eyring said this about trusting in the Lord: "You show your trust in Him when you listen with the intent to learn and repent and then you go and do whatever He asks. If you trust God enough to listen for His message in every sermon, song, and prayer...you will find it. And if you then go and do what He would have you do, your power to trust Him will grow, and in time you will be overwhelmed with gratitude to find that He has come to trust you". (Trust in the Lord, Then Go and Do). 

As we "trust in the Lord" with all our hearts, he will strengthen us and shall receive "full range of motion". "For with God nothing shall is impossible" (Luke 1:37).

I can lift my arm! Each time I go, trust George, endure, and do the exercises on my own I can raise them higher each time!

Here a just a couple of scriptures that come to mind on this topic that may aide you in your own study of trusting in the Lord:

"Blessed are they that put their trust in Him" (Ps. 2:12)

"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high power" (Ps. 18:2).

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation" (2 Nephi 22:2; Isaiah 12:2). 

"God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect" (2 Samuel 22:33)

"But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him" (Mosiah 29:20).

Know you are loved!!!