“Come Follow Me”

My feet
walk with pain
but I try not to notice
Pain that was worse
but is getting better
I hope.

I walk
one foot in front of the other,
grateful I can move.

CRPS has taught me
to be grateful
to give thanks for small things
to expect miracles
to endure
to look for the good
to see the joy in the journey
I learn that pain is not constant
but ebbs and flows
as an ocean flows to the shore
and back out to sea again
ebbs and flows

I breathe in
I breathe out
one breath is not like the other
each one different
each moment of pain
is different than the next
Miracles happen
Pain subsides

Christ has carried my pain
He said He would carry my pain
He said, Let it pass through you,
Do not hold onto it.

He is carrying my pain.
He calls to me,
Come!
Follow Me.

Jesus Carries His Cross symbolic of carrying our pain

I will carry your pain,
but you must choose to trust Me.

I will carry your pain.
Let it pass through you.

I let go of the boat and step out
onto the water
One foot in front of the other
one step at a time
I do not sink
I follow Him.
Christ carries my pain.

I walk
one foot in front of the other,
grateful I can move.

"...Always Remember Him" (D&C 20:77,79)

Me and my nephew James, who is loved and missed!

Death. It's so final. It's difficult to describe the suffering that comes when a loved one dies. Especially when they die unexpectedly.

I have always been afraid of the pain that accompanies the death of a loved one. Grief is such a heavy burden to bear, even more so when I am alone. When I only focus on the loss, the separation that death brings with it, the cross of grief is unbearable.

When Jesus' dear friend Lazarus had died, Lazarus' sister, Martha, said to Him, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died". Jesus first tries to comfort her by saying, "Thy brother shall rise again". I love that Martha responds by sharing her faith and belief with Jesus, "I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day." (John 11). I too know this, that I shall see my loved ones again at the resurrection. But I feel overwhelming grief at this separation that came so unexpectedly.

As the conversation continues between Jesus and Martha, He also testifies of His power and light. "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die." (John 11:25)

When death comes to a loved one, faith is tried and tested. Grief clouds my thoughts and makes my heart heavy. I have a difficult time seeing through the darkness that has accompanied this death.

Christ asks, "Believest though this?" I must ask myself, do I believe Christ? Do I believe that death is not the end? Do I believe that those who live and believe in Christ "never die"? Death is a great test of faith for all of us.

As Jesus goes with Mary and Martha to the tomb of Lazarus a crowd follows. What is the Savior's response? Does He say, "I have this covered. Don't cry. Don't mourn"? No. He cares for them as a dear friend would care.

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

"Jesus wept" (John 11:35).

He felt their loss. He felt their grief. He had compassion for them. He cried with them.

If I focus on grief, I cannot bear this cross of pain and suffering (see Be Still, My Soul). It is too painful. It is too heavy (Matthew 11:28).

I am not alone in my grief. And I want to bear it well (see 2 Nephi 9:18). How can I do this? How can I get through this loss of life, the loss of all the memories that will not be...

I force my focus to shift from grief to hope in the Savior.

I practice focusing on Jesus Christ by looking to the "light which shineth," which gives me and you light (D&C 88:11). The light is that death is not the end. The light is the small blessings of comfort extended by friends, loved ones, and even more, the love God has for all of us.

As I focus on Christ I can see! I am able to endure the darkness of death and loss of life. My burden is made lighter (in weight and in brightness).

I can bear this cross as I stay focused on the Savior. He saves me from being lost in grief.

The Resurrected Christ, by Wilson J. Ong 

Jesus Christ is the resurrection (Helaman 14:15-17), it's in Him that I can live, I can endure (see Philippians 4:13) and have hope (see 1 Thessalonians 1:3).

It's through Christ, and because of Christ that I can endure all things (see Philippians 4:13), even the unexpected death of a loved one.

Every week I covenant to "always remember Him" (Moroni 4-5; see also D&C 20:77, 79). I am learning to do this more.

I am becoming better at remembering, as I bear my cross of grief and pain (see Be Still, My Soul).

"... the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land..." (Ether 6:5)

There is an incredible analogy in Ether chapter 6. As I read it I felt like it was describing 2018 for me. This has been my experience, using the words from Ether:

"...they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind" (Ether 6:6). 

Being buried in the "depths of the sea" over and over, I am impressed by what was pushing them forward in their journey. It was the wind! "The wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind" (Ether 6:8). Even when we feel as though we are drowning, or that perhaps we are constantly being hit with "mountain waves", God has a plan and is "blowing" us forward, towards the "promised land". I know it is sometimes through our trials in which we are blown forward. I'll be honest, knowing this, doesn't make it any easier. Wind, fierce wind, is hard to be in and can cause horrendous damage.

Nevertheless, as I was "...driven forth; ...no monster of the sea could could break [me], neither whale that could mar [me]; and [I] did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water" (Ether 6:10). God does and will continue to give me, and you, light even when we may feel as though we are "under the water". I love the phrase, "no monster could break them" (Ether 6:10). There were moments when I was not sure I could handle another "drop" on top of what I was already experiencing. But then, after changing my prayers from the demand, "...take away this cup from me" to "nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt" (Mark 14:36; see also Matt 26:39, 42), I would be given (and continue to be given) the strength needed to go forward another day, and sometimes another moment. 

As I was buried in a sea of challenges, which I felt on all sides, I prayed more, prayed differently, and expressed gratitude over and over to my Father in Heaven just as the people of the brother of Jared did. "And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord" (Ether 6:9). When I was "encompassed about by many waters [I] did cry unto the Lord, and He did bring [me] forth again upon the top of the waters" (Ether 6:7). As I expressed gratitude for the blessings that He was constantly giving me rather than focusing on troubles that surround me I became more aware of just how much He was truly there with me.

One analogy which took on a new insight for me was the phrase "tight like unto a dish". The verse reads: "...when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and He did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters" (Ether 6:7). Being "tight like unto a dish" is being sealed, safe and secure. No contents fall out of a tightly sealed jar. I have pondered about being "tight" and I realize that my conversations with God through my prayers and scripture study, and keeping my covenants were symbolic of being "tight". We sometimes, in describing a relationship, use the phrase "we are tight". I want to be "tight" with God. So tight, that when I am "buried in the deep" water there will be no water, nor trial, nor flooding- that could hurt me spiritually.

I want you to know that I know God truly cares about what happens and is happening to us. He loves us so very much! He is aware of us and He is the "wind" which is pushing us, and guiding us towards the promised land- to be with Him again. That's what good parents do for us, they love us and guide us, and help us whether we are below or above the water. This I testify.

"...Charity Never Faileth..." Moroni 10:46; (see also 1 Corinthians 13)

I have been pondering what I would want for a motto in 2019. I have decided that the Relief Society motto is exactly what I want to focus on and use to help me succeed in all areas of my life, especially relationships, in the coming year. The motto is "...Charity never faileth..." (Moroni 7:46). As I have thought charity and its power to bring about success, I have also been led to think about failure. Here are some of my musings.

Holding a grudge is an incredibly heavy weight to carry around. Grudges lead to failure in that they can and never will lift my spirits or make burdens lighter. Charity never faileth because "...it suffereth long" or in other words, is "long-suffering" (Moroni 7:45). When I have or show patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people (see long-suffering) I will experience success, even relationships that are long lasting and enduring, in spite of challenges that will come.

Being mean will never help me feel better about any situation I may be in, whether or not it is justified. Charity never faileth because it "is kind"- whether or not it is warranted (Moroni 7:45).

How about the failure of envy? It undermines me by making me want more than I have and  ungrateful for the things I do have. Envy drives a wedge between me and the Spirit. Charity never faileth because it "envieth not", which helps me to rejoice in the blessings I receive from Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father (Moroni 7:45) every single day, no matter how insignificant they may appear to the natural eye.

Pride- now that one is a real trickster because it makes me think I can "win" by comparing myself with other people's strengths or their weaknesses. Pride causes all of my previous failures to become even more acute because I will never be good enough or better than I really am. Pride can also make me think I don't need to participate or learn something new because I have already learned it. In contrast, charity never faileth as it "...is not puffed up" (Moroni 7:45), even humble and meek. Elder Bednar taught: "Humility generally denotes dependence upon God and the constant need for His guidance and support" (Meek and Lowly of Heart). With God, I know I can do all things because He gives me the strength to do so (see Philippians 4:13).

How about the failure of selfishness? This is definitely hard on relationships as it keeps me focused on myself and what I want, what I need, and what I think is important. When in reality, charity never faileth because it "seeketh not her own"- being completely selfless and not self serving as I am generous with my time, talents, and all that God has given me to bless the lives of others.

Anger always fails me. It has yet to solve a problem for me, or strengthen a relationship. Charity never faileth because "...it is not easily provoked" (Moroni 7:45). I have yet to regret being slow to anger.

How about lies? or not telling the truth? Have you ever had a relationship get deeper and more meaningful by basing it on false ideas or lies which try to cover up sin or transgressions? These are definitely failures waiting to happen. Charity never faileth because it "...rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth" (Moroni 7:45). The definition of truth is: "...knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24).

What about the failures that come when I give up and quit trying? or when I start thinking there is no hope? When I don't endure, let alone endure well? Or how about doubting- rather than believing and exercising faith? Each of these can lead to their own failures and loss of peace, joy, or happiness. Charity never faileth because it "...beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things". There is always success when I bear, believe, hope, and endure.

I end my musings with the words from President Thomas S. Monson, he said: " 'Charity never faileth.' May this long-enduring Relief Society motto, this timeless truth, guide you in everything you do. May it permeate your very souls and find expression in all your thoughts and actions" (Charity Never Faileth). I know that as we "pray...with all the energy of heart" for this gift of the spirit, we shall never fail, rather we will succeed, being changed by the power of "the pure love of Christ" (Moroni 7:47). This I testify.

This is a short video about a painting by Julie Rogers titled, "Charity Never Faileth". I thought it fitting for my thoughts on this post. Enjoy!