"...that ye may learn wisdom..." (Alma 32:12)

Learning wisdom...

Do you ever feel like you are having experiences in life in which...well, that you got the short end of the stick? I have been feeling like this off and on since I got diagnosed with CRPS (March of 2016; learn more about CRPS here and here). But today I have had to stop and think a bit after having a new insight from this scripture:

"I say unto you, it is well that ye [have ...insert challenge here], that ye may be humble, and that ye may learn wisdom; for it is necessary that ye should learn wisdom; for it is because that ye [have...said challenge], that ye are brought to a lowliness of heart; for ye are necessarily brought to be humble" (Alma 32:12)

 When I read it like this, "it is well that ye have CRPS, that ye may be humble, and that ye may learn wisdom"...I wanted to say, "What?! It isn't well. This really, really stinks (to put it mildly)!" Sometimes I get caught up in, "...but I can't do such and such" thinking, especially, I can't ride my trike or go on hikes anymore! To say nothing about all the shoes and boots in my closet that I can't wear!

Then I had to pause.

I have to be still. "Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still." (Psalm 4:4). I really like that...stand in awe...be still. I have found that when I am still, when I am calm and not all whiny or mad, or full of self pity, it is then that I receive answers, or peace, and I understand better what I need to do...or not do. Sometimes it takes me a bit to be still. But when I finally get there I realize that life is more than the doing or the getting.

I believe that this life is "a time to prepare to meet God..." (Alma 34:32). And to prepare I must learn how to be godly, which includes learning patience, long-suffering, spiritual endurance, being quick to forgive, healing, sorrow, joy, peace, being still...you get the idea.

It is not "necessary" that I ride a bike. But it is "necessary that I learn wisdom" (see Alma 32:12). "Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished" (Ecclesiastes 4:13). Admonished is to be "warned of something to be avoided" (Dictionary). Another favorite about wisdom: "O be wise, what can I say more? (Jacob 6:12).

I invite you to pause, to be still. Take time to think about what godly attribute or quality you are learning. I know life isn't fair, but it sure is worth learning wisdom.

This is an interesting photo to me as I can see the "shine" on my left foot where my nerves have been damaged. And the "tan" is not really a tan at all, but rather, it's kind of a "burn" from the heat of the sun, not the light of the sun, if that makes any sense at all. Indeed, I am so grateful for my feet, as I can still walk -not for exercise, but for function- and that's enough for now.

"God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27)

I have been at war for far too long. I have been battling the belief that my body is "fat", "ugly", "overweight", that I am not beautiful. It is a never ending assault on what is real. I  have fought to believe and see that my body is beautiful in any way. I am realizing more and more that I am not alone in this battle that is wreaking havoc on how we, as a society, view and treat the human body. Being bombarded with messages that one is too big, not thin enough, not light or dark enough, has the wrong hair color or style, needs longer eyelashes, or perhaps even more "painting" on the perfect masterpiece (for we are masterpieces!!) makes one doubt that they could possibly be beautiful. So we are told and sold on the ideas that we just need to do "more"- more "painting", more exercise (don't get me wrong, I like exercise, but to excess, not good), cut a little here, or snip a little there, and before you know it, we are a completely different person than who we really are, and not any more at peace than before all the work, time, money, heartache, and "change".

I'll be honest, the inner battle can be relentless. I have said some of the most unkind, belittling, mean, and degrading things to myself- about me. I am actually embarrassed by some of the things I have said about myself. Also, I have hated my body to the point of saying and believing that, "I am not my body". Well, I am wrong. Very wrong!

I am my body! We are our bodies! We can't divorce our bodies. We are taught, "the spirit and the body are the soul of man" (D&C 88:15). I have been horribly mistaken in hating my body, always degrading it and finding fault with it. The one being, who would would like us to believe that our bodies are ugly or to hate them doesn't even have a body (Satan), and so he celebrates when we hate our bodies or are envious of other peoples bodies. Part of the challenge in this life  is to not only love our bodies (not in the worshipping sort of way where we are always working out or are fixated on the number of calories we eat or burn, or worried so much about how we look that we can only "see" ourselves and not for what we really are), but to know the truth -which is "knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24).

The truth about our bodies is that "God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27; see also Moses 2:27). That's a pretty powerful truth! We are not made after the image in a magazine. The value and identity of who we really are is an eternal truth. The prophets testify and teach of this truth today. We are taught: "All human beings- male and female- are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). As I seek to understand and really apply this knowledge about being created in the image of God and that I have a divine nature and destiny I am able to see with new eyes the human body. It is a masterpiece for us to "perform our labors" while here on this earth (Alma 34:32). The body makes it possible for us to learn of Christ, and become like Him. It is not something to hate, degrade, loath, or any such horrors. Rather, it is a temple of God, a sacred edifice that houses the spirit of God, which temple we are (see 1 Cor. 3:16-17)!

Another amazing truth is that our bodies will eventually be resurrected after we die. This means that "the spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form" (see Alma 11:43). Now, this resurrection, or "this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but everything shall be restored to its perfect frame" (Alma 11:44). This is the truth about our bodies "as they are to come" (D&C 93:24)

Okay, so why in the world are we so mean and belittling of such an incredible gift from God, even when we know the truth? I have and continue to practice (remember, I'm a practicing christian, not a perfect one) on viewing my body as it "really is". Here's one thought that I continue to ponder that helps me see my body as it really is.

The truth is we are commanded to "love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt. 19:19; D&C 59:6; Leviticus 19:18). I would never speak to a neighbor like the way I have spoken to myself, ever! When I started thinking about how I talk to myself and the commandment to love my neighbor as myself, I knew that I needed to be more patient, kind, loving, and forgiving of myself and of my body! As women and men of God we seek to be more Christlike in our actions and thoughts, this would include being more Christlike in our attitudes towards our own bodies and ourselves. No one has a "perfect" body. (What is the perfect body anyway? A size, shape, color, what?) Actually, our bodies are the perfect setting for us to learn and prepare to meet God... and it definitely has nothing to do with size, shape, or color. Elder David A. Bednar said,

"Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal existence. Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and act in accordance with truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In the school of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, "according to the flesh" (1 Nephi 19:6; Alma 7:12-13) (We Believe in Being Chaste).  

As I fight the war to love my body, and to see the truth of this beautiful temple I have been given, I realize that I am not alone, and neither are you. We are in this fight against the false idea that we are not our bodies and that we are less than enough. We are created in the "image of God"(Genesis 1:27) , the Master Himself! As we ask to see with new eyes the truth about our bodies, "things as they are, as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24) and as we live the commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves, we will win this war. Yes, we shall "come off conqueror, yea, that [we] may conquer Satan" (D&C 10:5).


Pictures of me. I will continue to fight the war that is full of false truths...and I shall come off conqueror! Love your body and love yourself...you are created in the image of God.

Learning to appreciate the temple I have been given 

the truth: we will all be resurrected! 

So grateful for a body to ride my trike! 

My beautiful daughter, our neighbor or son from another mother when he got home from his mission, and me.

"What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am" (3 Nephi 27:27)

I finally  completed a huge basket that I have been working on for several months. The process of this basket took a lot longer than I had anticipated. I had in my mind, when I started, a rim I really wanted to do. It would be beautiful and functional. I had done the process on much smaller baskets, but never on a large basket. As I worked on that rim, it was not going as I had anticipated. It didn't look as well as I wanted it to and then I had shoulder surgery, so I didn't finish the rim in a timely fashion. When I finally got back to working on the basket I realized that some of the pieces had been broken and this particular rim wasn't going to be strong enough for the size of basket. A rim adds great strength in keeping a basket together. So, I took it all off and I let it sit for another couple of weeks. When I finally made a decision of what to do, went forward and worked on it, step by step, then it came together. I was able to finish it. It took way longer than I wanted it to, but I finally finished it!

Sometimes I realize that I have an idea of what something is "suppose" to look like in my mind, such as being kind, serving others, or being a good wife or mother, and that picture, well- it's just not quite right. So I have to change things and try again. I have to keep trying. The Savior asks, "What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am" (3 Nephi 27:27). To me, what the Savior is really asking is, "Are you willing to make something of yourself  by following My vision, My way, even when you have to undo, or redo something to make it the best"? It's not always easy, but the finished product is so much better than what I had originally envisioned.

After working on this basket for several months I realize that in order to make something strong, beautiful and functional it takes time, patience, diligence, and willingness to fix mistakes. It doesn't come together in a day. The whole process, the dying of the reed, the measuring and cutting, the weaving and shaping, the pulling and tightening and loosening, the entire process is what makes the basket complete. This is the same with us. It is the entire process of learning, living, loving, obeying that makes us into what manner of men and women we ought to be. It is "faith, hope, charity, and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, [which] qualify [us] for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you" (D&C 4:5-7).

Becoming the man or woman the Lord knows we are is sometimes, well, work. What a blessing we get "time to prepare" (see Alma 12:24; Alma 34:32). Time to weave it all together, and even get the rim on nice and tight so that we can be strong, functional, and incredibly beautiful- just like our Savior!

The completed basket

Signed and dated with inscription

My son Slade...telling me, "It's totally awesome".

Note the quarter on the ground for comparison of size.

"And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things" (1 Nephi 16:29)

My husband gave me a very generous gift for Christmas. It is called a bike trainer. With it I am able to bring my bike inside the house, hook it up to the trainer and ride it. It is a great way to keep in shape. It acts like a stationary bike, but I am on my own bike and can therefore, prepare for longer rides. As I was riding today, I realized that I get bored riding inside the house and it is hard to stay on the bike for over an hour. It is doing the same thing over and over without going anywhere. It would be easy to talk myself right out of not getting on the bike at all. Then it hit me that this attitude was just like life and living the gospel. I could easily get bored with doing the basics, over and over. But doing the basics is important. The basics are the things that keep one from dropping out of the race when the race gets tough. And life and living the gospel does get challenging, guaranteed (see 3 Nephi 26:11). What's interesting is that I actually am going places while riding a stationary bike, but the results aren't seen until later, on a long ride, when I am back outside.

The Lord wants us to be prepared for this long ride called life, and eventually eternal life. We have to exercise and keep going forward, day by day. He said of us, "That they themselves may be prepared, and that my people may be taught more perfectly and have experience, and know more perfectly concerning their duty, and the things which I require at their hands" (D&C 105:10). He gives us instruction and guidance on how to be prepared. He doesn't want us to go blindly, riding around in circles, or even stay stationary. He wants us to move forward and keep making progress (see Mosiah 1:17). Sometimes it may feel like we are staying stationary when we are only taking small steps, but we are moving forward or even just staying in shape and preparing for "come what may" (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin).

One of the greatest principles of the gospel was taught to Nephi and his family through the use of  "a round ball of curious workmanship" (1 Nephi 16:10), a "director- or [they]called it the Liahona, which is, being interpreted, a compass; and the Lord prepared it" (Alma 37:38). The Liahona had "two spindles" (1 Nephi 16:10) or "pointers which were in the ball, that they did work according to the faith and diligence and heed which [Nephi and his family] did give unto them" (1 Nephi 16:28). Through the Liahona the Lord would communicate with them: "And there was also written upon them...which was plain to be read, which did give [them] understanding concerning the ways of the Lord; and it was written and changed from time to time, according to the faith and diligence which [they] gave unto it"(1 Nephi 16:29). Notice, that is was "according to the faith and diligence and heed" that the Lord would give them direction. This is the same with us. When we receive instruction from our leaders or from the Holy Ghost, or even from our own personal scripture study and act in faith, and diligence, and give heed to promptings or instruction we receive, we are being directed by the Lord. Things will happen in our lives, a step at a time, or a pedal at a time. "And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things" (1 Nephi 16:29).

There are times when I think that riding my bike in the house and going no where isn't really helping. But, it brings me right back to being prepared. I have to ask myself, what am I preparing for? Just like asking, why do I go to church when it could be boring, or someone has offended me? Because it is more than just a meeting. We are preparing ourselves spiritually each week..."For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors" (Alma 34:32). If we are serious about the long ride, we must prepare for it now. We must get in shape daily by doing the basics. Some of the basics that have helped me are: "daily prayer and scripture study" (Elder L. Tom Perry), regular church attendance (D&C 59:9-10; Elder Dallin H. Oaks), paying a full tithe (Malachi 3:10; Elder Neal A. Maxwell), and temple attendance (President Thomas S. Monson; D&C 95:8-9). These are small means that have made a great difference in my life. These are some of the basics that will help keep you in shape spiritually, preparing for the long ride we are doing now, and will be doing in the future.

The Lord wants us to "draw near" unto Him, and He will "draw near" unto us (D&C 88:63). As we prepare daily for the long ride by doing the basics, we can endure the the challenges ahead, because the challenges won't be challenges, but blessings. They will be what lead us and draw us closer to Him. We won't just be stationary, but the Lord is bringing about "great things". This I testify.

"Truly God is good..." (Psalms 73:1)

I got to hear an incredible violin concert last night. It was a private concert, performed by my niece and her husband to an audience of about 15-18 people. It was a practice recital, kind of a dress rehearsal if you will. So, if they made a mistake, they could "fix it". There wasn't a whole lot of fixing going on in this concert. It was amazing to hear the sound of the music and the tone and the emotion in their playing, and the speed of their fingers!  The two of them playing a duet together, awesome, in the true sense of the word. The spirit is so powerful in music. I get so moved and touched by good music. God is so good to us! He blesses us with such good things!

Yes, He blesses us with good music, good food, good friends and family, good health, good life! He blesses us with all things. And I started thinking.."[I] have come to a knowledge of ...His goodness and have tasted of his love"(Mosiah 4:11). His goodness is so amazing and powerful! So powerful that He delivered the Israelites from the Egyptians (Exodus 3:8), which is symbolic of the deliverance that the Savior would eventually offer to them, and does now offer to everyone, from physical and spiritual bondage, a constant reminder of the "goodness of God".

What a blessing for "the riches of His goodness...[because]...the goodness of God leadeth [us] to repentance" (Romans 2:4). (Not keen on repentance, read Laundry and The Physician). With His goodness, we get a second chance, again and again because He knew we would need more than one chance. He knew we would all be "beggars...begging for a remission for [our] sins" and does He let us beg "in vain?" No. He pours out His Spirit upon us and causes that our hearts be filled with joy and causes that our mouths can't speak "so exceedingly great is our joy" when we repent and return to Him.(Mosiah 4:19-20). That is incredible goodness!

His "infinite goodness" (Mosiah 5:3) is- that He has "prepared a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster; yea, that monster, death and hell, which I call the death of the body, and also the death of the spirit" (2 Nephi 9:10). We aren't stuck when we make a mistake or commit sin, which is spiritual death/death of the spirit or when we physically die/death of the body. His "Infinite goodness" is the atonement, made for you and me, so that we can "sing the song of redeeming love" (Alma 5:26) because our hearts don't have to stay the same. We don't have to keep repeating the bad notes in our lives when we make a mistake. We can and do, through faith in Jesus Christ, have His goodness fill us up and make up the difference.

The question I ask, are we still "singing the song of redeeming love" (Alma 5:26)? Do we continue to practice the music the Savior has for us, and continue to "feel the music" after the concert is over, so to speak? Do we allow a "mighty change wrought in [our] hearts" (Alma 5:13) because faith in Jesus Christ helps us have a permanent change, changing the "inward man" (Romans 7:22)? Changed to the point that "His image [is] in your countenance" (Alma 5:14) and it reflects who you are on the inside out to all who see you. The "power of continuing in the goodness of God" (D&C 86:11).

I used to think this was a one time concert and I would beat myself up for every little thing. It's not. The "goodness of God" is that He let's us prepare daily. "...This life is the time for [us] to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for [us] to perform [our] labors" (Alma 34:32). Isn't that "goodness"! This life is to prepare and today we perform, and so we can't and must not "procrastinate the day of our repentance (or returning/turning our hearts and minds to God!)" (Alma 34:33). Just as the concert I heard last night was amazing, it would not have been had they procrastinated their preparation. We too can perform our labors, labors of love (see 1 Thess. 1:3), of kindness (see D&C 121:42), of serving others (see Mosiah 2:17), of  "forgiving one another" (Ephesians 4:32), of doing good (see Gal. 6:10), or whatever the Spirit moves us to "do that is right" (1 Kings 11:38)! (Note: it isn't "[fitting or proper] that [we]...should be compelled in all things" (D&C 58:26) but that is a blog for a whole other day.)

Let us "continue in [His] goodness" (D&C 86:11) so that we can practice and perform that which will bring us joy so great we won't even be able to speak! Singing is really a good way to perform as our souls will swell with the words: "Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee. How Great Thou Art" (Great Christian Hymns)! The music is there and has been written, we just need to follow the Master, the One who is Good and will help us perform beyond our own abilities. God is good. This I testify.