We are all human. We use words to communicate our experiences, our thoughts, our emotions. Yet, sometimes they are not enough to express all that is happening inside of me. I recently heard a talk from someone that left me with a very bad taste in my mouth. I was shocked and, honestly, horrified, at how this person had tried to teach principles of truth.
I sat with this sense of anger, noticing how it burned in my chest, and feeling tense from holding onto it for several days. I sat. And sitting in stillness with this intense emotion I became aware of the defensiveness that was hiding behind it. I felt I needed to defend and protect myself and others. But, it’s just words. It is not swords or stones. Words.
I ponder the story in the New Testament about a woman who has committed adultery. The law was that she should be stoned (see John 8:5). I can only imagine the fear and shame she felt. She had been caught “in the very act” (John 8:4). The woman stands, perhaps half-dressed, barely covered, being caught “in the act”, before her Maker and an angry crowd of people.
The Savior acts as though “he heard them not” and stoops down and writes in the sand (John 8:6). He pauses. He doesn’t react to these people. He displays calmness and patience. The questions continue to come and he stands up straight and speaks (see John 8:7).
“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:7).
I ponder this. Am I casting a stone at a man that has said things that have been hurtful to me even after he apologized? Am I returning to him the pain he inflicted upon me? Building a wall with the stones, a fortress even, to protect myself from his words of hurt. I must think about this. Am I doing the very thing that I am condemning him of doing?
I sometimes think about what I am trying to do with how I live. What am I accomplishing? When I was first going through the challenge of addiction with a loved one I was angry and afraid. I frequently would accuse him of being high upon his return home which always led to an argument. My husband and I tried threatening him, grounding him, pleading with him, taking away every privilege we could think of that would all of a sudden cause him to turn away from this destruction. These were not creating a pathway to communication, but rather, we were building a prison around our son, one that didn’t allow him to change. We had withdrawn any kind of mercy. I have since learned that I was throwing stones.
Funny how throwing stones is what I thought would make my child want to change. I had to put down the stones. I didn’t need my child to validate my experience. I learned to validate myself, that I was suffering and hurting. When I validate myself, rather than looking to my child to tell me how much fear, worry, and mourning I was experiencing, I learned how to set stones down, making a path to him, a connection, rather than a wall.
Could this be what the Savior is trying to tell me when He says, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone”? His point is, no one is without sin. I am a sinner. And so is the man who said the painful words. We are both sinners.
Now I see. I must ask, am I willing to put down my stones?
