“And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and, behold, all things which I had made were very good” (Moses 2:31).

As I walked today, it was really beautiful outside. The sun was out and the temperature, once I started walking, wasn't too cold. I was inside my head as I walked, not really paying attention to where I was headed as much as I was focused on just taking steps forward. It wasn't until I was more than halfway finished with my walk that I really noticed the beauty around me. What made me come out of my self focused walk was a clear call of a bird that sounded like the first notes of a melody. “The time of the singing of birds is come” (Song of Solomon 2:12). I stopped and looked around for the bird. I could barely spy it in the top branches of a tree, white like the aspen it was hiding in. Camouflaged. 

I then noticed the cracks in the cement sidewalk made by a large fir tree. The sidewalk yawning upwards, separating into two pieces like a large, wide mouth. I was impressed with the strength of the roots and wondered how deep they really went and if the roots could withstand a micro burst. Maybe the owner had watered it too much and the roots really didn't sink deep at all. Or maybe it had really deep roots and could withstand great gusts, remaining strong. “But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life” (Alma 32:41).

I noticed some crushed small fruit from trees that I had to navigate through carefully so as not to fill the bottom of my shoes with the pulp that had been smashed on the cement. I thought, “How gross, yet at some point I’m sure they gave great beauty”. So much is given, and we are asked to give our best. “Ye shall not offer unto the Lord that which is bruised, or crushed, or broken, or cut” (Leviticus 22:24). But sometimes, the crushed fruit is not of our doing, and we carefully walk around it, grateful we didn't step in it. 

Maybe life is like all these creations. I would miss them if I had continued to be in my own mind, thinking of things I can’t recall. Yet, they are so beautiful, powerful enough to change my thoughts and gladden my heart. All these beautiful creations. Made for us. “Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart; Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul” (D&C 59:18-19). 

Perhaps I will take more notice, I hope so, but sometimes, my efforts are so short lived. I will practice- practice noticing God’s creations and the blessings He gives through them, for they are good. “And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and, behold, all things which I had made were very good” (Moses 2:31). As I type this, the word “behold” stands out (see blog on “behold” here). I must practice beholding the creations of God. For they are good!

I’m grateful to be a practicing Christian.

"I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made” (Mosiah 7:18).

Okay, so this just really stinks having shoulder surgery twice. I mean, REALLY! I am sinking lower and lower, feeling like a trapped mouse, running around and around on a wheel and going nowhere, fast. It is rather hysterical in a way (is that hysterical as in funny, or crazy- not sure). I know this “mist of darkness” (see 1 Nephi 8:23) has an end, but the end can’t come soon enough. I just want to be able to use my arm and be pain free.

I am doing everything right to fight this darkness. I am reading my scriptures (hold to the rod), I am exercising, I am getting plenty of sleep, I am eating more healthy than I have the past few months, I am taking vitamins, I am keeping my covenants, I am even going to the temple. But, I am not healed- and the darkness continues. I know, I know. Just because I do all these things there is no guarantee that I will be miraculously healed or that the darkness will disperse. So, why do I keep having to struggle with this so much? I’m desperate for an answer.

And the answer is:

“O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies (this sling feels like an incredible enemy), notwithstanding our many stugglings (curse this lack of movement!), which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made” (Mosiah 7:18).

Effectual (producing a desired result or effect). Struggle (to move with difficulty or with great effort). If I am going to have to continue to struggle, which I already know the answer to this because I have already gone through a shoulder surgery, I better strap on some dang good boots, buckle up, and “lift up [my] head, and rejoice, and put [my] trust in God” (Mosiah 7:19). Yup, rejoice in this struggle. Make it effective...increase in faith and this too “shall come to pass”.

Not the answer I wanted. But for now, for today, it will do. This struggle, this “effectual struggle” will be what it will be. And I trust that things will eventually clear up, and the light will shine, and my burden will be lifted...and I will get rid of this dang sling (the enemy). I will struggle through this. Effectively.

Pictures below are some of the "light" that has helped me through this "effectual struggle".

Darling, wonderful Isabelle, (my daughter by another mother)- a ray of much needed light! 

Isabelle with me after having our nails done...I miss hearing her and Lara laugh together. 

Sweet Lily, (baby James and Sabrina in the background)- curse the sling, but so grateful for their LIGHT!!!

My awesome sister- always ready to bring "light' to the "effectual struggle". So glad I have her in my life!!!

"Behold the Lamb of God" (John 1:36)

I caught a short glimpse of an art show on TV-  something about beholding the images of Christ. The one phrase that keeps going over and over in my mind is something like this: "To behold is a very sacred act". I'm not sure if that is exactly what the woman said, but it caught my attention. What does it mean to "behold'? The word "behold" is used over 1100 times in the scriptures. So, I had to look it up and know exactly what it meant...or at least try and understand why it would be considered "a sacred act".

The dictionary definition is: "to observe; look at; see", which is a verb. It is also as an interjection: "look; see". Some synonyms that gave me more of an in depth view of this word are: contemplate, discern, notice, perceive, witness. When I started to ponder these words, and what 'behold" truly means when used as a verb I realized that when it is used in the scriptures, in many instances, we are being invited to participate in a sacred act of seeing and viewing. Pondering this powerful word that I had so easily skipped over in my scripture study, I couldn't but help see things just a little differently. I was moved, touched, and the desire to change came as I read and pondered this new discovery. Here are just a few of the scriptures I looked up:

"Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world" (John 1:29; John 1:36).

"For behold, it is I that speak; behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness, and by my power I give these words unto thee" (D&C 11:11)

"For behold, this is my work and my glory- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39)

"Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet" (D&C 6:37)

Words are powerful. When we ponder their meaning and then apply them to ourselves and our own lives they become more than mere words on a page. They become catalysts for change. They become images and reflections of who we are. I have come to discover for myself that "beholding is a sacred act". "Behold the Lamb of God" (John 1:36). This I testify.

Other media/image resources found here