"Organize yourselves, prepare every neeful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;" D&C 88:119

I am not a very organized person, I admit this freely and openly, to a point. In somethings I am very organized, like my spice cabinet. But my house cleaning, not so organized. And I have piles of papers every where in my house. As soon as my children walk in the door after school where there had been no piles of papers there appears another pile. Well, I do my best to keep my house clean. It's not a pig sty or anything, but I definitely don't live in a magazine. We live in our house and it's used and it gets dirty. My "piles" keep me from "seeing" what the real surface is and what lies beneath the pile and the actual space available. I am always very glad when I actually get a pile cleaned up and put in its proper place.

Today after church I had a loved one point out a flaw in me that I definitely need to fix, that I am very aware of and have been for quite a while. I don't necessarily need or want to tell what that flaw is because I have way too many to start on that downward spiral of self destruction. But when this was pointed out I was bothered nonetheless, not because it isn't true, but perhaps because it is true and I know that I need to change and yet I seem to have trouble with it right now. As I have pondered over why I am so bothered by it two thoughts have come to me.

The first thing I thought of was: "the guilty take the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center."  1 Ne. 16:2 and I was definitely guilty of what I was being accused of and I was aware of my weakness. I know I need to repent of this sin, for it has to be called a sin when I am going against what Christ has taught. It isn't a grave sin, but it can and does keep me from feeling the Spirit when I dwell upon this particular "pile" that is keeping from "seeing". At what point am I going to either move the pile, put it all in the recycling bin or totally get rid of it, perhaps even burn this one and never look back? Gen. 19:17

The second thing I thought of was: I hate it when someone walks into my house and tells me how many "piles" I have and how messy it looks. Or in other words "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?" Matt. 7:3-4. How often have I walked into someones house or life and proceeded to tell them how many "piles" they have without first looking at my own "piles" and doing something about my own mess? I am so guilty of this it isn't even funny. So, I have to just let this little "pile" go, and work on my own piles for now. I can't get mad at this loved one for saying something about my "piles" when I have plenty of my own to work on to point out their piles. I have many piles, but the beauty is that I have a House Cleaner...

The "House Cleaner" being Jesus Christ, who, gratefully, shows me where to start and which "pile" I need to begin with first. He helps me to "see" through the unnecessary papers of junk and the things that are of value and real importance. There are, at times, so many things that clamor for my attention, but if I am quiet, and listen, and take the time I need to, then I can work on my own piles, one at a time and my own house becomes organized and clean. One thing I have learned is that house work never ends...I don't need anyone else telling where to start. I am working on my mess every day...it's called repentance. I am SO grateful for it! Without it my "house" would be such a mess (understatement!) But I have the greatest House Cleaner ever!

Yes, I freely admit I am not the worlds greatest organizer and I have messes that need to be cleaned up daily. But I am, oh so glad and thankful I don't have to clean then up alone, I just have to "open the door" Rev. 3:20. This I testify.


 

Pile before...this one comes at me weekly. It probably wouldn't get so big if I worked on it every day (hint hint)



Pile after...It's such a great feeling to have this one cleaned up :)

"And many of the brethren in the Lord, waxing confident by my bonds, are much more bold to speak the word without fear." Philip. 1:14

Sometimes, doing something is better than doing nothing. And sometimes that means sticking your foot in your mouth to do it.

This I testify.

(I seem to have a knack for that...or is it a gift?)

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." (Heb. 13:5-6)

"In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children..." Alma 46:12

As I hear the snap and pop and crackle of fire crackers and fire works go off that my boys are lighting outside with their dad I am so grateful for the time they have to spend together. I am also so grateful for the freedom our family has to have been able to go to church today, to worship in whatever manner we wish. What an incredible blessing! We live in the greatest country! We live in a country that has been consecrated by God. "Wherefore, this land is consecrated unto him whom he shall bring. And if it so be that they shall serve him according to the commandments which he hath given, it shall be a land of liberty unto them; wherefore, they shall never be brought down into captivity; if so, it shall be because of iniquity; for if iniquity shall abound cursed shall be the land for their sakes, but unto the righteous it shall be blessed forever." (2 Nephi 1:7) It was no accident that our fore fathers found it and that we are here. It was planned out and prepared by God. God is in charge of everything. Man just thinks he knows everything.

I love our country and the freedoms we have. Yes, it hurts when people call me names or make fun of me or my religion. But that is called freedom of speech. Once we try to legislate what one can say or not say then we are in big trouble. Of course there are things that are out of line, and that is called defimation of character. But that is a whole other topic. My point is, I am so grateful I can speak my mind and that I can worship God how I see fit. "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." (Article of Faith 11) I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and is aware of me and all of us, for we are His children. I know I have a Savior, even Jesus Christ, the Son of God the Father. I know that they love all mankind and want us to care, love, and serve one another. (Mosiah 2:17) I know that the Book of Mormon is another testiment of Jesus Christ and that if you read it and apply its teachings to your life it will change your life. This I testify is true. We live in the greatest place on earth. What a great blessing to be an American! This I testify!!!

"Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap..." D&C 6:33

Fear is such a funny thing. It is a form of control, really, and manipulation. I think about how I react when I am afraid of something. I stop doing something, or I become angry, or I do something I wouldn't normally do. I don't want people to fear me, least of all my children. I want them to love me. And ultimately do things because they love me, and not because they fear me.

I am finding that many people do things because they are afraid of outcomes that they have no control over...fear of the unknown. And the not knowing is what makes people want to have all the more control. As a parent I am learning that the more control I try to have over our children, the less I actually have. But, if I set clear limits and then let our children govern themselves and they are allowed to make choices and have the freedom to experience the consequences that come with those choices, be they good or bad, then I don't have to worry about the outcome, I can let go of fear because my children have the freedom they want and most often they make good choices. It is amazing what comes with the opportunity to choose. I am thrilled when my children are able to make the choices that come with good consequences and therefore feel the freedom that comes with it. I am also saddened when they make bad choices and they have to suffer the consequences of those choices and the loss of freedom that comes with them. I am grateful that these choices at this time are rather small. They are learning how to make good choices, and that real agency isn't free.

The time is coming when the choices will be of greater consequence and influence. But I am learning that I have nothing to fear, I say learning because I forget so often to not be afraid. And I am teaching our children the same thing. I do believe that as I put God first, things always work out how they are suppose to...not necessarily how I think they will or should, but how He knows, and that is the best way. He says,"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." D&C 6:36 I know He doesn't mean, look to Him in just some thoughts, but in every thought. 

Fear. Do I make my decisions out of fear or out of love? Christ says, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" John 14:27. When we are choosing right we have nothing to fear. No matter what we are standing up for, whether it is for our children, our religion, modesty, virtue, Christ. We have nothing to fear...This I testify.

"And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments...therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you." Mosiah 2:22

I love studying the scriptures. It is my coping mechanism along with exercise. I do these two things daily, except on Sunday, I don't exercise. This past week I was having a bit of a rough patch and these are just some of the insights that I have had. I am so grateful for the peace that I receive from studying the scriptures. I feel I have a conversation with God as I study. I frequently start out with a question and He answers. Not always in the way I expect, but I always receive answers, whether they are about parenting, doctrine, or personal issues, or anything else I may need help or want to learn about. The challenge is to apply what I have learned. Let me share what I have pondered over the past few days. It is about the Ten Commandments. While going over them, the first four are about helping me have a better relationship with God. (see Exodus 20:3-11). And the last six are about improving my relationships with people (see Exodus 20:12-17).

Okay, just a couple of questions to ask myself about my relationship with God. Do I have anything in my life that would take my focus away from Him? In all I do my focus must include Him. This includes  driving, parenting, volunteering, grocery shopping, creating art, the way I dress, how I speak, doing laundry…yes laundry. The reason I include laundry is because it is invaluable time for me to ponder. A lot of my activities are time to ponder and think. When I include Him in my pondering and the time I have to just think then I am increasing my relationship with Him. I am amazed at what I am taught and what I learn when I focus my thoughts rather than just let random things flit in and out of my mind. The billboard is a most powerful example of what will fill up my mind and take over if I don’t take charge of what I put into my mind. Having no other gods before Him includes how I spend my “mind time”. That was a real mind bender when I learned this one. Therefore, I include what I am thinking about with commandment number one: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3).

In thinking about commandment number two "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image or any likeness of any thing..." (Exodus 20:4) this quote by President Kimball is very thought provoking:

o “Idolatry is among the most serious of sins....Modern idols or false gods can take such forms as clothes, homes, businesses, machines, automobiles, pleasure boats, and numerous other material deflectors from the path to godhood….

o “Intangible things make just as ready gods. Degrees and letters and titles can become idols….

o “Many people build and furnish a home and buy the automobile first— and then they ‘cannot afford’ to pay tithing. Whom do they worship? Certainly not the Lord of heaven and earth….

o “Many worship the hunt, the fishing trip, the vacation, the weekend picnics and outings. Others have as their idols the games of sport, baseball, football, the bullfight, or golf….

o “Still another image men worship is that of power and prestige…. These gods of power, wealth, and influence are most demanding and are quite as real as the golden calves of the children of Israel in the wilderness” (The Miracle of Forgiveness [1969], 40–42).

When I read this quote I asked myself if there are things in my life that needed to be changed…perhaps this could cover how I spend my time. What am I pursuing? I think I will leave Pres. Kimball’s quote to itself and let you ponder commandment number two: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image…” (Exodus 20:4.) I have my own judgements in my own life about what needs to change. The one thing that I always ask myself though is if I have so much time to go to the mall or a movie (my escape) but not enough time to go to the temple, perhaps I need to reevaluate how I spend my time...and now I ask myself, "Do I have idols that need to be eliminated?" I am not saying don't go to the movies, but if I spend all my extra time at the movies, or watching TV or at the mall, or reading other books and not have enough time to read my scriptures, then I definitely have my priorities mixed up. It's a tough one to hear when I need to change my habits.

I think the first two commandments are very closely related. The first one to me is about what I am spending my time thinking about, and the second one is how I am actually spending my time. The two cross over. My thoughts lead to my actions. I must become aware of what I am thinking and how I am spending my time. I can make excuses for how I spend my time…that I deserve to spend it how I want, do it how I want because I have earned it. But as a mother, I am learning that I really never, actually, get time off. There isn’t “time-off” as a mother. My mind is with my children and how I can help them learn the gospel better, and how I can teach them to love each other better, and how to do their homework better so they can eventually do well in college and be better parents themselves. In reality, parents don’t ever really get “time-off”. But I definitely make it easier on myself by including God in my parenting. I like the first two commandments. To me they are about focus and what direction I should be looking, thinking, and heading- and that is towards God.

Commandment Three, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord God in vain” (Exodus 20:7) took on new meaning a few months back when I wasn’t as nice as I could have been when I closed a bank account. I left and felt badly that I hadn’t been more patient with the teller. It dawned on me that if I had been a more prominent person/figure in the Church then I would have had the obligation or pressure to behave better. Then hit me like a ton of bricks. I do have the obligation to behave better. I took upon me the name of Jesus Christ when I was baptized and I renew that covenant when I partake of the sacrament each week. Therefore, when I am a jerk and I am unkind, I am taking His name in vain. I am misrepresenting Him and His Church. Whoa, that is heavy. I think we are supposed to live a higher standard than we are living. Now, I am not saying it is easy. I struggle each day with various things, such as forgiveness. I wish I could just say the words, “I forgive” and poof, all the bad feelings were gone in an instant. But to be totally honest, they aren’t. I pray to forgive and to change. I know that over time, I can and will be healed from all pain, all sin, all wounds, because Jesus Christ has made it possible for me to be healed. But, perhaps there is something more for me to learn in the healing process than in just the instantaneous healing. Perhaps I can learn more about faith in Jesus Christ and in the atonement. I have also committed to continue to walk and talk and live as an example of a believer of Jesus Christ, to endure, not just receive miracles and be on my way.

I know that taking the Lord’s name in vain has always meant to my children to not say the “G” word or the “J” word. But it is more than that. To me it has become living up to the name we bare. The Primary Children’s song says: “I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know who I am. I know God’s plan. I’ll follow Him in faith. I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ. I’ll honor His name. I do what is right. I’ll follow His light. His truth I will proclaim.” (Primary Children's Songbook) This song teaches what it means to bear His name. If I really know who I am then I don't want to do anything to bring shame to His name. I will do my very best to follow His light, and "light is Spirit" (D&C 84:45.) I will do my best to follow the Spirit each day and live up to this name I honor. To me, that is keeping the third commandment: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord they God in vain”

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” I know I have a lot to learn from this commandment. So what does holy really mean? "Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hālig; akin to Old English hāl whole — more at WHOLE" (dictionary.) From this definition I can learn that I can make the Sabbath a “whole” day rather than just another day. It can be complete with family time, nap time, food time, and church time. It doesn’t need to be compartmentalized either. But all these things can be together, to make it a “holy day”. Not a day for work, but a day to focus, completely upon God. Holy also means "sacred." How can I make it a more sacred day? I think that is an individual call. Each of us is entitled to the inspiration and will know what is wise and right. I am still striving to make the Sabbath day a more holy day. I don’t want my children to hate the Sabbath but to love it. It is a holy or sacred day. I want our children to realize that it isn’t just another day to play their video games or get on the computer. I have no problem not going to the store...but have I done a good enough job in teaching our children that it is a holy day or do I even act and behave like it is a holy day? I am not sure. I will continue to work on this one because I know it improves my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, the forth commandment: “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” (Exodus 20:8) I realize that I have more revelation to come on this as I prepare myself for it. I look forward to receiving it and following it. I think this is key to the sabbath day, personal revelation. I definitely need to be taking time to ponder and meditate and study the scriptures about the sabbath. I must put God first in my life.

The next six commandments are about my relationship with other people and how to get along with them better.

The fifth commandment is: “Honour thy father and thy mother” (Exodus 20:12). In this day and age it is important to show respect to our parents. But I think this can be applied to a broader relation than just parents. Respect to our elders is needed. Caring for and respecting those who are older than we are says a lot about our character. We can be a kinder and gentler nation. My friends children are really good at addressing me as Mrs. Slack. There is a lot of respect there in recognizing that I am their …what? Friends mom? I just realized that I don’t teach our children to address their elders with the same due respect. This is not good. The lack of respect in our society is disappearing. Not only for our elders, but for authority. I can begin to make a change by doing better to teach our children to address their elders by saying “Mr. or Mrs. Sonso” or “Brother or Sister Sonso”. Respect begins in the home. I can do better in teaching our children to respect their elders. I needed to learn this as well.


The sixth commandment is “thou shalt not kill” (Exodus 20:13.) I think about how this would really put a damper on a relationship. Yup, it would pretty much put a stop to it. I know there is of course the higher law. To love thy neighbor as thy self (D &C 59:6.) It takes work to love those who have treated you unkindly or unfairly. It is hard to forgive those who have abused you or cheated you. But, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God” (Luke 18:27.)

The seventh commandment: “ Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14.) Can you imagine what our world would look like with people keeping true to their covenants and being loyal to their marriage vows? Let me take it a step further and be so bold as to say be abstinent before marriage! Holy cow, can you imagine what that would do to our relationships with children and families, let alone with us? There wouldn’t have to be this doubt or worry about unwanted pregnancy or diseases. Let alone the forgetting of self worth. For truly the most cherished thing, if I can call it a thing, a woman has is her virtue. Let us live a higher standard. Believe in ourselves and remember who we are…God’s children and teach our children who they are. And adultery, in any form, is wrong.

The eighth commandment: “Thou shalt not steal’ (Exodus 20:15). This to me is a form of honesty. It isn’t just about stealing items or things, but also about stealing ideas and cheating on tests and now days it is also about stealing identities. This is crazy what is happening. NO STEALING of any kind. Take credit where credit is due. Don’t take credit when it isn’t yours to take. It is in rare form when someone is given credit for something they haven’t done and they are honest about it and give credit where credit is due. Let’s be honest people! Integrity is worth more than we are giving it. I remember a few years back when I was at a convenience store purchasing a soda and I was asked it was a refill or not. I told the sales associate it was new and then asked if people actually told him that it was a refill when it wasn't. He said people did it all the time. I said that integrity was worth more than a quarter. He said, "Oh it isn't that big of a deal, it is just a quarter." I remember thinking that to me integrity was worth way more than a quarter. Integrity can't be purchased. No stealing...of any kind.

The ninth commandment: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). This, to me, comes back to being truthful as well. How about stopping gossip when it starts. It is hard to stop it. If there is one thing that I am learning is that it is to just keep my mouth shut when it starts. Don’t add to it and don’t pass it along. If it isn’t true and if it isn’t kind, that is false witnessing. Even if it is true but it is unkind, perhaps we should think twice about speaking it….I have to work on the speaking before engaging mouth part. Being a false witness doesn’t just happen when someone is on the witness stand at a trial. It can happen when we are innocently talking and before we know it we have participated in an unwanted conversation. I hate it when that happens. Yuck. Try to stop it before it starts…keep your mouth shut. Then there are no regrets. It also goes along with integrity.

The tenth commandment: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house…nor anything that is thy neighbors” (Exodus 20:17) I am trying to teach our children that there is always going to be someone smarter, more clever, richer, faster, better, funnier, healthier or anything than they are and the best thing that they can do in life is to be happy for those people. If our children are always begrudging those people the good things in life then they will miss out on the blessings they themselves have. The opposite is true as well. There is always someone who is dumber, not as clever, poorer, slower, goofier, sicker, or anything worse than they are. I think this commandment is really about improving our relationships by being sincerely happy for those who are succeeding when we aren’t or who are doing better than we are. And then counting our own blessing. For we all have so much, we are all indebted to God, and we are all “unprofitable servants” (Mosiah 2:21.)

I know that if anyone chooses to keep the Ten Commandments as the Lord intended them to be kept they will improve their relationship with Him and with those around them. Heavenly Father lives and cares deeply about His children, that is us. Jesus Christ lives and loves us. His power is real. There is true power in keeping the commandments. His promise of This I testify.

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." President Ezra Taft Benson

I love this quote. It has been very influential  and powerful in my life. It works. When I put God first, everything else falls into place or literally disappears out of my life. Test it for yourself...with real intent, meaning that you will actually follow the impressions you get to do what you feel and know are right, even when it is very difficult. God never goes back on His promises... He does promise we will be tried. (see Ether 6:12; 3 Nephi 26:11; D&C136:31) But He only makes things better for us. This I testify. 

"Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection". (D&C130:18)

Did you know that intelligence and obedience are connected?
I have always wanted to be a smart person, but never really considered myself to be all that “smart”, partly because I stink at math and I am not that great of a speller (thank heavens for spell check, and even then I make mistakes. Please forgive me.) There is always someone smarter (of course). But as I started to ponder intelligence, real intelligence, it’s not at all about how smart I am. It is all about how obedient I am.

Now, I can already feel some of you squirming. Obedience?! Follow rules! Have someone tell me what to do, yeah right, …….you get the idea. But honestly, let’s talk intelligence.

The worlds definition of intelligence is this: "the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations: REASON; also: the skilled use of reason" (Merriam-Webster). We all gain intelligence through the experiences we have, the information we gather, and the things we allow into our mind, and from our own behavior. So, my question is, what is the best way to get intelligence? Of course there is an answer, and one has an advantage over others in gaining more intelligence, and the only true advantage comes from obedience. Obedience to laws of the land allow us freedom to learn and excel in the things we seek knowledge in and therefore gain more intelligence. We also gain intelligence from being obedient to to the laws of God and receive eternal blessings that are unfathomable.

The promise is this: "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come" (D&C 130:18-19). True intelligence can only come from following truth through "diligence and obedience". Anyone can learn to be devious, or manipulative, or take advantage of one's neighbor. Where real intelligence comes in is when we keep our integrity, our loyalty, our morals when everyone else and all else beckons us and calls us to do otherwise.

Having been betrayed and treated as an outcast, looked upon as one who takes advantage of others when I know in my heart I am doing all I can to stay true to the principles that are right, it is so hard to not give into bitterness and cynicism (understatement). Taking a stand for what is right when there is shouting and cheering for those who are doing things that are blatantly wrong is very difficult. I testify of this! It is hard to be called names and black listed by friends, or people I thought were friends. But, in reality, I could never stand before my Maker and say, "I was more afraid of them, than I was of holding onto what was right." (I pray our children will have the courage to do that when they are faced with temptations that will confront them, for they most assuredly will.)

Some days, I will admit, I have to hope there is justice, because life doesn't seem fair, even though I know in God's view it really is. And over all, I know that things will work out how they are suppose to. The following scripture has given me great hope, and new understanding as I have struggled to understand some of the things I have had to go through. "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated— And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated" (D&C 130:20-21). Blessings are granted upon obedience. At times it may appear that others receive so much and have so much when they are so disobedient to the laws of God. But I cannot worry about others. I can only worry about my own intelligence, my own diligence and obedience in seeking this intelligence which I desire so much. If I end up doing something that goes against the truth that I know, such as the Golden Rule, then I will lose intelligence. And I will also lose blessings. I must be obedient to the truths that I know are right, no matter how much I want justice. I am not the judge. I am not the great equalizer. I am learning that it takes more intelligence to be patient, forgiving, kind, slow to anger, and many more things when the world, or even the natural woman inside of me is shouting to just "give in and get even." Especially if the other person "deserves it." Well, I am sure I "deserve it" too. There are times when we all "deserve it", but that's not how we are going to get any more intelligent, by getting even with each other. We can only get more intelligence by putting off "the natural man" and "yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit" (Mosiah 3:19).

It makes sense to me now why "The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth" (D&C 93:36). It is because He never yielded to the natural man. He overcame ALL. He says, "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me" (D&C 19:23). It is so true, when I respond to any situation in a Christ like manner, I feel incredibly good, so peaceful and filled with joy. It is in those moments that I know I am gaining true intelligence. God's intelligence. I love getting "light and truth". It feels good to be intelligent! This I testify.

I am the true light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world; (D&C 93:2)

Sometimes I get so grouchy and grumpy. My poor family gets the brunt of it, of course. I put on a happy face for the public and then hide in the safety of my home, a place of refuge and honestly, my true identity. I hope that I am able to also let my family know I appreciate how much they mean to me...especially when it comes to letting me be me. I am not always the most pleasant person to be around, tired and hungry aren't a great combination with me (they can testify of that), especially on long trips. Also, after a day when past terrors are hashed over and over, unbeknownst by well meaning people who just want to share their own experiences or stories of their own terrors with bad dragons in their own lives. On days like today, I became the ogre that should have just stayed in her cave and never came out. But I came out anyway. (Good thing I didn't have a head ache to go with it.)

It's on days like today that I really fight the darkness. I don't like darkness. It can be so black. So, on days like today I look for Light. It is always there. Some days, I just have to look a little closer, or take a little more time to SEE. Seeing in the dark is difficult when I put blinders on by my own anger or my own self pity. (Man, can pity really get me sometimes....and then the crying starts, I am not such a pretty sight.)

Okay...I need to find Light. Here is my Light list for today. Jeffrey- the love of my life. He is funny, honest, ever so patient with me and my mood swings. I am so grateful that I have him as a source of Light. He is more than I ever dreamed of in a husband, best friend, and lover. He is fabulous (understatement)! My children- I could name them one by one, but I won't, simply for privacy sake. Each of them help lift me and teach me. I learn as I go as a parent and I am ever so grateful they are so forgiving. They Light up my day with good news, stories of things that have happened, and mostly themselves. They are true blessings in my life! Scriptures- I have to list them because without them...I honestly don't know where I would be. I constantly find Light in them every time I read. They are life blood for me. They bring me peace, insight, a calmness that can't be described, and a communication with God that is honest and open. I love the scriptures! My family and friends-I am truly blessed to be surrounded by Light from these precious souls. I am so grateful that I have them in my life. They have saved mine many a time, definitely unbeknownst to them. I am grateful for the Light of those who choose to not only listen to the Spirit, but also to act upon the prompting given to them to call, or email me or some small act of service, such as sharing a thought they have read in a book or just saying, “Hi, how are you doing” and sincerely meaning it. Honestly, "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Alma 37:6.

I may be grouchy and a bit (okay, really) annoyed tonight, but I am so grateful for all the Light in my life! What an incredible life I have. I guess it is normal to have a bad day every once in a while...or perhaps more than that. But it doesn't mean I have to focus on the dark. Nope. I will focus on the Light. Christ said, "The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when you shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him. Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you, and that you are in me; otherwise ye could not abound" D&C 88:49-50. Christ is the Light that is all of us. I will keep looking for that light that shines in the darkness. It lights up my day...even on the darkest of days (those are hard days and I would prefer to not have them, but I don't always get my way.) Aside from the dark days...life really is good, and that would be most of the time. This I testify.

Quote from: Thomas S. Monson

 "'The Savior said:' 'A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another. . . .' 'By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another' John 13:34–35.'Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this truth: 'If you judge people, you have no time to love them.' '

Thomas S. Monson, 'May You Have Courage,' Ensign, May 2009, 124"

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies..." Matt. 5:44; 3 Nephi 12:44

As my son has been teased a lot (way too much in my opinion) I have had the opportunity to teach him how to deal with being teased. I have also had ample time to ponder what is the best way to handle being teased or in today’s world, being verbally "bullied." I know it comes back to Christ. Utlimately everything comes back to Christ. He has given us the tools, the example, and the way to deal with everything in our lives. It isn’t necessarily the easiest or the coolest, or the world’s way of dealing with things. But it is the best way of dealing with things.

Truly Christ did give us the best way of dealing with bullies. We call it the “golden rule” in our home. How we say it is, “treat others how you want to be treated”. When Christ came the people were living the law of Israel which was “an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” Leviticus 4:20 Matt. 5:38 .But He taught them to live a higher law, saying, “…but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also…” Matt. 5:38-39 3 Nephi 12:39. This is really hard to tell my child who is being made fun of, let them call you names, for names don’t matter. How do I get him to ignore and not react when these children make fun of him? I think it is vital for my son to learn that there are going to be mean people throughout his life, not just in school, because even as an adult I get made fun of at times, flipped off in a car, or yelled at for my religious or political points of view, especially if I stand up for what I believe in.  He has to learn to ignore the mean people, and not get angry with them, basically , “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”, concept. Dealing with mean people with anger can lead to violence, poor choices and poor self-esteem. I want my children to have Christ-esteem, which means to trust in the Lord. Self-esteem implies relying on oneself. What a great thing to have my child be filled with Christ-esteem! To have their identity centered in Christ. Now that is a steadfast place to be anchored Ether 12:4.

The Lord continues with His teaching, “Ye have heard that it has been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you” Matt. 5:43-44 3 Nephi 12:43-44. What an incredible concept! To love those who are my enemies. To do good to those who hate me. To pray for those who despitefully use me and persecute me. Sometimes Most of the time, I have to admit, this is SO hard! But it is amazing what it does for me when I do it. It changes me. It’s not really about what it does for my enemies. But it is about what it does for me… to me. Christ is giving me an opportunity to change, to be changed through my experiences. He finishes by saying, “For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?” Matt. 5:46 My reward comes through loving my enemies. My reward is that I am changed..."That ye may be the children of your Father which is in Heaven..." Matt. 5:45. If I say I believe in Christ then I need to follow Him, do as He did, act as He acted, even when it doesn't seem like it is right, at least not right in terms of how the world thinks. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55:8-9.

As Easter was this past weekend, I have pondered the crucifixion of Christ and His resurrection. He was the perfect example of this very “golden rule” as He was tortured, spit upon, called names, made fun of, mocked, and betrayed. He didn’t lash out in anger even though He had the power to destroy every one of them. But more importantly He had the power to lift them in their lowest state as they did such acts of shame, to their Lord and Savior, whom they obviously knew not. Jesus Christ loved His enemies. He blessed them that cursed Him. He did good to those who hated Him (healing the ear of the servant of the high priest who had come to take Him to be tried, Luke 22:51 is just one example of this.) He even prayed for those who were despitefully using Him and persecuting Him as He hung on the cross saying,  "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" Luke 23:34 . He performed the perfect act for those who did wrong to Him that they might be resurrected some day through His grace and be able to stand before God the Father. He loved them enough to finish the greater task of giving them life. He is the example, the perfect example of how to handle a bully.

I pray I can teach my children this. I pray that I can have the faith to be changed, and help my children to be changed as well as they develop their own faith in Jesus Christ. For I know that He doesn't give us any commandments "save He shall prepare a for [us] that [we] may accomplish the the thing which he commandeth [us]" 1 Nephi 3:7. This I testify.

"...a time to weep..." (Eccl. 3:4)

As this has been a long two weeks of recovery from a surgery that has had a few complications, I finally broke down today in tears. Mostly tears of pain this morning. I have wanted to hold back on the crying because I have thought that crying wasn’t a good thing because it would give way to frustration and possibly a negative attitude towards healing. I have wanted to stay away from that as much as possible. So, when the pain was very intense this morning and a dear sister called and offered to bring dinner, I succumbed to tears. This made me think about tears and about crying and about weeping. There has got to be a purpose and a good one. I know it.

And there is. The story of Lazarus and his sisters tells a lot. It is in John 11: 1-46. Jesus is told that Lazarus, “He whom thou lovest is sick. When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, the Son of God might be glorified thereby” vs. 3-4. So Jesus takes his time going to see Lazarus and Lazarus dies. When Jesus finally arrives he is met by Martha and Mary. He sees how sad they are. He asks where Lazarus has been laid. And “Jesus wept” vs.35. Jesus had compassion for them in their grief. He has the power to raise Lazarus from the dead. He could have responded and said to them, don’t cry. I can raise him up, watch me. But He didn’t. He wept with them. It was after He wept with them that He then asked “Martha, the sister of him that was dead” to take away the stone from the cave Lazarus was buried in. Martha responded, “Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days” vs. 39. In His infinite compassion He brought forth Lazarus from the dead “that they may believe that thou has sent me” vs. 42. But first He wept with them.

As I try to put on a brave face and not cry, I realize that it is okay to weep. For there is a “time to weep” Eccl. 3:4. There is a time for everything. I can weep and it doesn’t mean I have a negative attitude. It just means I need to weep. And Christ will weep with me. I can be more compassionate in weeping with others, in weeping with my own children and in comforting them. Sometimes, we just need to weep to help ease our own and the burdens of others. In crying with others we can offer comfort, solace, and safety. It’s what the Master did and taught. It is okay to cry. This I testify.

"They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." (Matt. 9:12)

I used to hate the word “repentance” only because I didn’t know what the true meaning of the word meant. I thought it meant being shamed into confessing a sin. Or feeling really bad about something and needing to be ashamed of myself for doing it. I really misunderstood this word. Because I had heard it so much and knew that it was important I decided I wanted to understand its true meaning. The Bible dictionary has a beautiful explanation that I refer to often. It states: “The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world…repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined.” Bible Dictionary I can still remember reading this for the first time. It blew me away. It was so beautiful. “A turning of the heart and will to God”…I could do that and there was nothing shameful in those words or feelings at all. To renounce something is to reject or disown it. So, if I am to reject or disown something that is keeping me away from God, and have a “fresh view about God, about [myself], and about the world," and then "turn my heart and will to God,” that is repentance. Now, this is beautiful, and doable, and desirable!

As I have been dealing with an infection I have thought how sin is similar to having an infection. It can go undetected for a while. But eventually it will always catch up to you in one way or another. So, there has to be an antidote. And the antidote is an antibiotic. Well, the antibiotic for sin is repentance. And to get the prescription for this antibiotic we must go to a physician. Christ is the Physician. He can make us whole in our lives as we turn our hearts to Him. He says, “They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."  Mark 2:17 Are we not all sinners? Do we not all need the Physician?

I love the thought of Christ being the Master Healer, for He truly is. He knows exactly what we are suffering, in every aspect of our lives. He knows what antibiotics we need to take, with no worries of allergic reactions. “He [took] upon him [our] infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to [our] infirmities.” Alma 7:12 He knows.

I have come to love the word, the action, and the process of repentance. It is beautiful and wonderful to turn my heart, my mind, and my life to Christ. To “have a fresh view about God, about [myself], and about the world.” It feels so good to be made whole. This I testify.

"Is any thing too hard for the Lord? " (Gen. 18:14)

I am surrounded by women who are incredible examples of strength and faith. They go forward without complaint of their situations, with positive attitudes doing their best in whatever their situation may be. Some of these women are married and some are in terrible marriages, and some are single or divorced, some have health problems, some have financial problems, some are faced with challenges with their children. There are as many different situations as there are women. Each of these women have their own unique problems that seem to be tailor made to try her faith, test her resolve, and sometimes I wonder, perhaps, break her. But they never break. They endure. And they endure faithfully. To me they are the Sarah’s of the Bible, in our time. Let me explain.

We often refer to the sacrifice of Abraham and Isaac. God has even said “[His people] must needs be chastened and tried, even as Abraham, who was commanded to offer up his only son. For all those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified.” (D&C 101:4-5.) There is a part of that story that is not mentioned, which I am sure existed, but wasn’t written. That is the part of Sarah, Isaac’s mother. She had to also know, in my opinion, of the sacrifice that was to take place. She was married to Abraham. They were sealed together and she was his helpmeet. Perhaps this was only Abrahams test, but Gods says, “They must needs be chastened and tried”, not just Abraham. So, I always believe that a prophet of God marries a woman his equal, if not greater than he is. I remember sitting in Sunday school class once and a dear sister said she didn’t believe that Sarah knew about the sacrifice of Isaac because she couldn’t have handled it. Sarah wasn’t without faith in the plan that God had and Sarah was just as committed to God as Abraham. Perhaps she was even the one that said you must do this. I ponder this as a follower of Jesus Christ. For I know that He has a plan for me too when I have a trial that seems overwhelming to me. He does for all of us.

I also ponder the fact that I am surrounded by strong women. Women who sacrifice on a daily basis. Women who sacrifice their time, talents, and everything the Lord has blessed them with for the building up the Kingdom of God on the earth. The Kingdom of God on the earth is people. It is their families! It is each of us. These women, us, we spend all we are in the defense of our children and in the defense of Gods children. We want them to love holy things, to love righteousness. We want them to know that true joy and happiness can only come from following God’s plan. And those women who don’t have children yet, are living examples of righteousness. They are as faithful as Sarah was who was unable to bear children in her early years until God made it so (Gen. 18:9-15.) I love the women in my life, who lift others by serving others cheerfully, even when it is hard, even when their husbands don’t say “thank you”, or when all they do seems to go unnoticed, not because they are seeking approval or wanting thanks, but sometimes it just happens. Funny how Sarah’s sacrifice was left out of the Bible as well. But it is recorded. And so shall the righteousness of all good women. This I testify.

"...God hath not given us the spirit of fear..." 2 Tim. 1:7

Have you ever made a commitment and felt, yeah, I am going to totally do that…and then later think: "Can I really do that?!" Well, I did this recently. But I have decided that I am going to stick with it, no matter what. I have a feeling it isn't going to be easy, but I also have a feeling that it is going to totally be worth it. Here is the commitment: "To live my life completely without fear" or better said, "To live my life completely in faith". Whoa, that last part is what really hit me.

What this means to me is that I will not be afraid to stand up for what is right (see Matt 6:33), no matter how hard it gets. It means I will serve where I am asked to serve (see Joshua 24:15), even when I don’t think I am capable, or perhaps I feel it is beneath me. Living a life of faith means I will practice listening to the Spirit and following the promptings, even when I think it is “just me”, or I may think “I don’t have time for this”, because everything always works out-always (2 Nephi 32:3,5). I will trust that health issues of a loved one or myself will be okay (see D&C 89:18-31). I won’t allow life’s unexpected emergencies or life’s challenges to overwhelm me, but will allow them to be a building block for me to draw closer to my Savior, my family and my loved ones (see Alma 36:3, D&C 90:24, D&C 100:15, Romans 8:28). There are many things that I will have to exercise faith. What a blessing I will be able to practice this in my life. (Note I get to practice this, I am not perfect in it:)

For some reason I have made sharing the gospel with a friend to be a frightening thing only because I love them both… and I don’t want to offend my friends. But why would my friends be offended if I shared something I loved with them? It would kind of be like sharing my favorite cookie recipe with them. They may like it and they may not. But why would I be upset if they chose not to follow or accept the recipe I shared with them? I would still love them and they would still love me. I have decided I will share this “recipe” with all my friends. It is my most beloved “recipe.” It is okay with me if they don’t find that it works for them. I would never force feed them. That would be gross. But I would want to share with them this part of me that is very important and sacred to me. It is like inviting them a very special dinner as I share this part of my life with them. I am so grateful for the friends I have who share their “recipes” with me as well (see a great talk about the recipe of the Gospel here).

I love the scripture in 2 Tim. 1:7 which reads, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” God doesn't give us fear. No way. He fills us with “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, faith, meekness, and temperance” (Gal. 5:22-23). He fills us with power. This applies to every area of our lives. I have felt it, experienced it, seen it, and continue to have it. I truly have nothing to fear. I am so excited to go forward with my commitment and live my life in total faith. It is a good feeling to know I have nothing to fear. Everything always works out for our good, for “[I] know that all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28). This I testify.

"But I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren..." (Alma 29:14)

My son came home yesterday from his swim meet and taught me a two great lesson. He came into the house and yelled triumphantly, “I got 28th place!” He was so happy with his accomplishment. He was delighted to be in 28th place and he was also happy for those who had done better than he had. In my mind, I was thinking, really? You are happy being in 28th place? Guess what? He really was happy and content because he had done his best and had worked hard to get there.

As I have thought about this I think that this is one of life’s greatest challenges, to be happy that I am where I am. Let me explain. I have always wanted to be successful in my art. I have not been in the worlds terms, meaning I don’t sell it and I haven’t made a name for myself at all. I have not given my art the time it needs to be the artist that is well known or to have enough art to sell. I am also one that gives my “art” away. I have always struggled with the fact that I am not really “successful”, more so because I had a professor who told me that I would “never amount to much except be a mom”. In my life now, I realize that I am not a J. Kirk Richards (if you don’t know who he is look him up, a fabulous and very talented artist), nor am I ever going to be a Sherri Dew (not an artist, but what a powerful speaker and writer!) Nope, I am not going to be them. I am going to be and am a Jennifer Bonney Slack, in “28th place” and I am discovering -what a great place to be!

The reason it is so great is because Christ created me just to be me. He needs a Jennifer Bonney Slack. He already has all the other people filling their own slots. He doesn’t need two 1st places, or two 20th places. He needs me to fill my “28th place.” And He needs me to do my very best. Some days my best is better than others, but overall, in the big picture, He just needs me to be me. Just as Christ is the “light of the sun” and “the light of the moon” and “the light of the stars”, each having their individual purpose, He is also the “light which shineth, which giveth [me] light” (D&C 88:7-11) and He needs me to fulfill my purpose. He needs each of us to be our best “28th place!”

The other thing my son did was be so excited for the friend that had received 4 medals at the swim meet. She placed in top positions to receive those medals. He was thrilled for her. It was so sweet to see him be so excited for her. This is the second lesson he taught me. In life, someone is always going to be better than I am at something, and someone is always going to be worse at something than I am. Why the need to compare? In the end, Christ makes it all even, as I repent and turn to Him. That is one of the wonderful blessings of the atonement. Christ makes everything work out perfectly. So, the best thing I can do is cheer others on and “help others on their way” (Primary Children’s songbook, 34.) It sure feels better than self pity or even envy. It was pure delight to see my son rejoice in the success of others. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “True believers rejoice in the success of others. When someone seems to surpass them, spiritually or temporally, true believers give them heartfelt and sincere praise. They don’t regard colleagues as competitors.” (Neal A. Maxwell, “True Believers,” New Era, Apr 1994, 20)

I love it when I can learn from my 10 year old….does this count as “out of the mouths of babes?” (Matt 21:16) He is wise beyond his years. Life is good. This I testify.

"...In the service of your fellow beings..." Mosiah 2:17

My heart is so full of gratitude for all that I have been through lately. About eleven days ago I had surgery that I knew I would need recovery time from, but I had no idea just how much. After the surgery I felt great. I really thought I would have 3 weeks of blissful time to do the stuff I wanted to do, like weave and ceramics. I was so excited for the personal time. I also thought I would be able to go to lunch and spend time with friends, just no driving and no heavy lifting. Piece of cake. Kind of a mini-vacation even. How wrong I was.

After the surgery, I thought it was easier than having a baby…but about four days in, I started feeling worse than I had after the surgery. My husband had to go out of town on Monday for the week and I really thought I would be able to handle everything while he was gone. I ended up at the doctors on Tuesday, a week out from surgery. Infection. Man did that wipe me out! And boy was I in pain. I could barely walk. Antibiotics and I usually don’t usually get along too well. But I am so grateful for them this time; after three days I am feeling better. Not like I was after the surgery, but I am on my way.

Now, I share this personal information with you, not because I want sympathy, far from it; but because I have been so blessed through all of this. There have been so many friends, neighbors, family, and loved ones who have taken care of me and my family by calling (yes those phone calls make a very big difference!), making meals, visiting, sending flowers and cards, checking on us, serving in so many little and big ways. Getting up early, and I mean early (4:40am) to take our kids to water-polo practice in the morning. Taking me to the doctors office at short notice, picking up kids, dropping kids off, or forgotten items off, or taking kids to events and cheering them on when I couldn't be there. Or even just a pick me up text or facebook message. There has been so much love expressed through all of this. You know what? Even though I didn’t get to do what I thought I would, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even the pain. I have seen and witnessed Christ-like love from so many people it fills my soul with joy! There is great hope in the world because of so many people.

To me, this is truly what Christ has taught and I am so grateful to be the recipient of such love and service. It is hard to receive service. I am way more comfortable being on the other end and giving service than receiving it. But when I see that my children are learning first hand “…when you are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17); and “inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matt. 25:40), I see and have learned that being the receiver as well as the giver is truly a blessing. I am humbled by the continued love from all these precious people whom God has placed in my life. I see the hand of God, once again, in my life, as He not only blesses my life and the life of our family, but also the lives of all who have served us. He is just waiting to bless us as we give and receive service, one of many His ways of sharing His love with us. This I testify.

"...seek out of the best books words of wisdom..." D&C 88:118

Today I have to share my favorite book. My favorite book is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Now, why in the world would this be my favorite book when there are so many great books out there to read? This isn’t a literary master piece…or is it? I am not sure, because I am not here to critique it in such a manner. But, let me share with you why it is my favorite book and why I choose to read from it every day. Yes, every day. It is that good.

I love this book for so many reasons. I will attempt to explain why. As a youth, I am embarrassed to say, I spent way too much time reading hours of trash. I know what garbage writing is. That is easy to spot. And it is easy to read. But since I spent so much time reading it when I was young, a few years ago, when my children were little and I had so little time to read I realized that I had to make a choice. I had limited time and I wanted to really read the good stuff. The sort of stuff that would lift me, and sustain me. I wanted to read God's words. What I really wanted was a conversation with Him. Could I really have a conversation with God? Would He really respond to the things and needs I had in my life? I decided to find out. I also thought that if I wanted something from Him, that perhaps I must be willing to give some things up in order to receive what I really wanted. So, I started to sacrifice sleep so that I could have quiet, personal, and private time to have a conversation with God, if it was going to happen.

In the Book of Mormon there is a promise. It says to “remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts (Moroni 10:3).” The mercy He has offered to man has always been there through prophets that a Savior will come! All through The Holy Bible it testifies that Christ will be born of a virgin. He will perform miracles. He will be rejected of His people and He will die and be resurrected for them. I started thinking about how merciful He had been to me. The protection and mercy given to me as a teenager. The protection and mercy given to me when I served my mission. The mercy He gave me and the incredible blessing of my husband!!! The mercy offered to me through out each pregnancy. I could keep going, but it would fill up the whole blog.

The promise continues. “And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things (Moroni 10:4-5).” So, the promise is, if we ask God, with real intent, meaning we intend to do something about it if it is true, not just blow it off, then, the Holy Ghost will manifest the truth of the Book, and ALL truth unto us. That is such a powerful promise! To know the truth of ALL THINGS. I needed that and wanted that in my life. I wanted to know the truth in my parenting. I wanted to know the truth about who I really am and what direction I am suppose to go with my life. I wanted the truth about God. It is all in there and the Holy Ghost WILL and does teach us the truth. We just have to be willing to listen, to take that time to be quiet and then to act.

Well guess what? It comes back to choice. It always does. Every day when we read The Book of Mormon we have a choice of what attitude we come to read. An attitude of -we are ready to learn and we intend to follow and do what we have read. Or have can choose to -role our eyes and say yeah right. Not today. We don’t want to do that or even we are just too tired. We would rather watch TV or another choice is to say, we would rather read something else. I have found the most effective attitude in reading is the one in which I am willing to listen and learn. In which I am open to change, for it is so easy to repeat the same habits and get the same reaction from my children. I shouldn’t be amazed, but I always get answers and have a conversation with my Father in Heaven through my scripture study (that’s what I call it, study). This is how it goes: I start my scripture study with prayer, I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings that I have been given, and then I tell Him what I need to learn or what I need help with, and then I start reading. Sometimes I will pick a topic to study, such a prayer or faith or something, but mostly I start where I left off. And as I read I stop at the verses that jump out at me, and I follow the footnotes and cross reference everything. I take notes and I ponder what I am reading. The Spirit is the guide (see John 16:13). I ask questions and the answers come through the verses. He speaks to me through the scriptures, everytime. That is how I do it. I feel like I am having a conversation with God. I ask a question and I get an answer. Sometimes the answers take more than just a day…but they always come. He always answers. I LOVE reading/studying from the scriptures. The Book of Mormon and the Bible are the words of God.

In The Book of Mormon there are tons of promises. Tons! And I love putting them to the test. Here is another promise…
“Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” (2 Nephi 32:3) Okay, this doesn’t mean it will tell you what outfit to wear, or stuff like that. But, it can, if you choose to let it, lead your life and make a difference in all you are doing. “Feast upon the words of Christ.” Choose to be fed. Choose to be filled. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ is true. It testifies of Christ. It happened. Its’ purpose is to help people draw closer to Jesus Christ and change their lives. I have chosen to let it draw me closer to Him. For Jesus is the Christ. He lives. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. It can change your life…it has mine. This I testify.

"And that he was buried, and that he arose again the third day according to the scriptures" (1 Cor. 15:4)

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Sunday Will Come


This blog is influenced by a talk that was given by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin in October General Conference of 2006. It has had a powerful influence on my thinking in more ways than one. Just the one line of “Sunday Will Come” has stuck with me, almost on a daily basis.

Where this thought comes from is from the Savior, Jesus Christ, who told his disciples that he would die and be resurrected after three days. He was resurrected on a Sunday. Those three days prior to His resurrection must have been awfully dark, not only physically dark on the earth, but also emotionally dark having lost their beloved Savior and Leader. Would He really live again? Those three days must have been so difficult and challenging to endure. They must have been the darkest of dark days. I can’t seem to find the words to describe the words I would feel at having to lose a loved one, not knowing if I would ever see them again, especially if I lost the Creator of the world, my Master.

I have "dark days". Days that seem to try me to my limits. There are various trials I have to endure that are sometimes physically painful and sometimes very emotionally painful and when I am in the midst of them, I wonder, “will Sunday come?” and can I endure until “Sunday will come?”

After three days of darkness, on what we now celebrate as Easter Morning, Jesus Christ appeared to Mary Magdelene, He was ascending to His Father. Jesus Christ broke the bonds of death. He appeared to His disciples and they touched His hands and His feet. He was resurrected!! He broke the bonds of death! Sunday indeed had come! Christ lives, even now!

As each of us will have "dark Fridays", the promise is there, in this life or in the next, through Jesus Christ, “Sunday will come!” We need not remain in the dark. Yes, there are times when we must endure the dark, but eventually, “Sunday will come.” I am so grateful everyday is not a dark day and that I am blessed with many "Sundays". There have been times in my life when the "dark days" or trials are longer than three days...but I just keep hanging on…I know it is painful and long and hard at times, but it is so worth it! And I promise, because of Jesus Christ, “ Sunday will come”, this I testify.

"...It was not you that sent me hither, but God." (Gen. 45:8)

I love the story of Joseph, the son of Jacob, found in Genesis 37-45. I have read and reread it as it is a powerful and moving story of faith, forgiveness, and seeing the hand of God in the midst of affliction. In this story I see that suffering is not in vain. Perhaps that is why I love it so much.

As I read about Joseph and all that he goes through, he never gets mad at God. He continues to turn towards God. His brothers sold him into slavery. He is cast into prison for very unfair reasons. In fact, he was even obeying the commandments and he was cast into prison! He interprets the dreams of the Pharaoh’s baker and butler, and the butler promises him that when he is out he will remember him, but of course he doesn’t. It all seems so unfair. Then, of course, the Pharaoh has a dream and Joseph interprets his dream. The seven fat cows and the seven lean cows. The seven ears of corn “full and good” and the seven ears of corn “thin and blasted” which devour the good ears of corn. Joseph tells Pharaoh that “God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do” (Gen. 41:25). The interpretation is that there will be seven years of prosperity and seven years of famine. Joseph is then put in charge of preparing all of Egypt so they could survive the seven years of famine.

After Joseph has prepared all of Egypt and they are well into two years of the famine, his brothers show up asking for food. It is amazing to me to read of Joseph’s heart. He wants to help his family. He weeps as he hears his brothers talk, not out of hate, but out of love. He has been through so much, and his brothers are the ones who put him there. When Joseph reveals himself to his brothers after having fed them twice (you need to read this part of the story) and testing them, he doesn’t blame them for all he’s been through. Instead he says, “Now, therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life…So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God…” (Gen. 45:5-8). Isn’t that amazing! God was in the works all along. God knew exactly what needed to happen so that Joseph’s family could be preserved. In the process of it all Joseph is refined, prepared to lead and made a great prophet.

I love this story. I know God is in the little workings of my life. At any time I can choose to blame God for my problems and my pain, or I can learn from them and “draw near unto Him, and He will draw near unto me.” (D&C 88: 63) It is my choice. That’s why I love my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ, they will never ever force me to follow them. It is always my choice. And when I choose to follow them, I am always blessed. Yes, just as Joseph, I am tried, there is a guarantee I will be tried, and I have and I am sure I will continue to be tried (D&C 98: 12, 14), but I know that His hand is guiding my life. He has the bigger picture in mind. He sees what I cannot see, this I testify, and I am so glad He does!

"...Ears to hear"...(Matt. 13:9)

Have you ever taken the time to just listen? I mean really listen? Let me explain. When I say “listen”, I mean to give up the preconceived notions of what I expect to hear, or the things I expect to happen, or want to “hear”, and wait patiently for the sounds, and feelings to come. It is an interesting experience to practice listening. Perhaps I should say, have you taken the time to “practice hearing”?

To practice hearing in our day it is a real challenge. There are many distractions and it is so easy to have my ears filled with sound for me. The mp3 player that I have easily fills my ears with music, or the TV with plenty of voices. The movie I watch or the books I read are great escapes and fill my ears with plenty of things so that I don’t have to really listen. So, if I want to really “listen”…I actually have to have it quiet. Yup, quiet. It is a challenge to find quiet and to be content with quiet. Content with quiet…and then to actually listen. What am I really hearing?

I think this passage of scripture is describing us… “They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not: They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not…” (Psalms 115:5-6) We have these wonderful senses to experience what God has in store for us, but we are too busy with our lives to actually experience the life God wants for us.

I want to share two of the things I have experienced when I have actually taken the time to “hear” that have changed and shaped my life and continue to have a powerful impact on me.

In the quiet, I have pondered the true event of a young 14 year old boy who went into a grove of trees seeking for answers about God. His prayer was miraculously answered by the appearance of God the Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ. In the quiet, I have “heard, felt, and seen” that this is true. I did not have an angel come and manifest this to me. I had to take the time to “hear” and to “feel” and to “see”. This young boy was Joseph Smith. He eventually became a prophet of God and restored The Church of Jesus Christ on the earth, through the authority of Jesus Christ. This I testify is true. Joseph Smith actually saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. (JS-H 1:7-17)

In the quiet I have also read and reread the words of God which are recorded in The Holy Bible and The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. They testify of the divinity of Jesus Christ and His mission on the earth. He is God’s Son. He lived, taught, set an example, suffered, bled, died, and was resurrected for us so that we, if we exercise faith in Him, and repent, would not have to suffer as He did and can be resurrected and live with our Father in Heaven again. I have heard, felt, and my knowledge and understanding continues to grow of His divinity. Christ lives! This I testify.

To practice “listening” and “hearing” I have to be willing to also act upon what I have heard. I must have "ears to hear" (Matt. 13:9). So, if I hear it and it true…even though it may go against my preconceived notions, I have a choice to act, or not to act. In choosing to ignore what I “hear” I may lose out on opportunities to “hear” and “listen” for more. If I act upon what I “hear” I will be given opportunities to “hear” more truth. It is a powerful experience to “hear” truth and to act upon it. I must take time to “hear” everyday. Some days it is easier than others to make the time to “hear”. But it is always worth the effort. This I testify.

"Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev. 2:10)

I have wondered about suffering. I don't like to see others suffer. I have a hard time watching anyone go through pain of any kind. I give money to others probably too readily. My husband is good about making me not bankrupt us, which would be a whole other problem if I did give it all away. So, why suffering? It can't be all bad either, because if there is one thing I have also noticed is that everyone suffers. Let me restate that. EVERYONE suffers. No matter how rich, how poor, how healthy, how smart, how good, no matter...everyone suffers.

So my question is, is there a point in suffering? I think there is and it is pretty simple really. It comes back to choice for me. With suffering there are really only two choices. The two choices are 1)Will I allow myself to draw closer to my Savior, the One who knows suffering, and suffered for everyone or 2) Will I become angry, bitter or indifferent because of my suffering and draw farther away from Him who has the power to make me greater than I can become without the trial of suffering.

As I look back over my life and the various things I have suffered, I realize that every time I went through something there was a better outcome than I had thought. Not necessarily financially better, or even physically better, but I have always found greater peace, more love in the long run, more compassion for others in the long run, and ultimately, more joy. In some cases, I am still waiting for those wonderful blessings, but I know they will come. They always do. The trick is to remember that my timing isn't always His timing (see D&C 64:32).

I think the scary thing is when I try to compare my suffering with someone else’s suffering. My pregnancies are pretty bad; I have what is called "hyper-emesis". It is a fancy way of saying "throwing up a ton". Each pregnancy was different...and my youngest son's was by far the worst, in terms of puking. But as I hear of other women who have the same thing, I keep my mouth shut because there is no contest when it comes to suffering. Pain is pain. I think what suffering can teach me is compassion for others. The trick isn't to say, "Well I puked way more than you did", but to say, "I am so sorry you suffered", even if they only puked once! The reason why...because this is what Christ taught. He taught that we should "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9). We all need comfort. Throwing money at the problem isn't always the solution either. But love, a kind word, a hug, even a smile..."When you have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me" (Matt. 25:40).

Christ, who suffered more than anyone of us could ever imagine, doesn't turn us away in our pain. He comforts us and loves us. He knows exactly what we need to suffer so that we can practice those Christ like qualities that are in us and we need to refine. So, when I have the grouchy child at home who is refusing to do his homework, and I am in pain because of a headache, or whatever it is that I am suffering...it is a perfect time to practice developing my Christ-like qualities.

I know there is peace and joy for those who suffer.  We truly have need "fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev. 2:10). "For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1:7). To not fear, I am not perfect, but I am working on it and I know it is true and it works...this I testify!

This I Testify

What does it mean to "testify"? Well, when one is in court, and one is on the witness stand and asked to "testify" they are giving an account of their experience of what they have witnessed, most frequently with their five senses. They are sharing their experiences of what they have seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled. I believe there is also a sixth sense and people often testify of this sixth sense as well. It is the sense of feeling, or emotion. Sometimes it is hard to describe, like salt is hard to describe, or sugar. But it is very real. There are feelings and experiences I have that are more powerful than if I had seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled them.

I am writing this blog to "testify" of the things that I have experienced and therefore know to be true. One may try to argue that I do not know such things to be true, but these are my experiences. And so I only share them from my own perspective and can therefore say they are mine...This I testify...meaning I have experienced this, these are my thoughts, this is what I feel, therefore, it is true to me.

The first thing I have to testify of is the reality of a loving Father in Heaven. He is real. He is the Father of all of us. We are His children and He cares a great deal about what goes on in our lives. He cares so much that He allows us to make choices and also to have the consequences of our choices. As a parent myself, it is very difficult at times to let my children suffer the consequences of their choices. For example, when my son doesn't get his homework completed, I am not doing him any favors if I do it for him so that he won't miss recess or get into trouble in school. Rather, if I let him suffer those consequences, he will eventually learn (hopefully) that it is more fun to get the work done and go to recess, than to stay inside. Heavenly Father is the same way with us. He has given us an incredible gift of agency. Agency allows us to make choices every day whom we will follow. "...As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15). My Father in Heaven allows me to choose each day whom I will serve. What a gift! What love our Father must have for us, to allow us to choose, rather than to force us to follow Him. In every situation I get to choose how I will behave, whether I will be kind or rude, whether I will be angry or forgiving. I love the fact that I get to choose. I get to choose whether or not I will allow a trial to let me draw closer to Him or to get mad and be farther away from Him. He knows exactly what I need to become more like Him. I get to choose. And it feels so great when I choose to follow the example of His Son, Jesus Christ, to love others, forgive others, help others on their way. This is true joy. And it feels so good.

We have a loving Father in Heaven who loves each and every one of us. He created us "in His image I own image, in the image of God created He [us]; male and female created He [us]" (Gen. 1:27) and He hears our prayer...but that is for another day. He is real. He loves you and me, this I testify.