"And upon these I write the things of my soul..." (2 Nephi 4:15)

This being my 200th post I keep thinking about why I write this blog and how I feel about sharing it. "I write the things of my soul" (2 Nephi 4:15) and don't want to be mocked. I have to admit that I have pangs of anxiety every time I go to press the "publish" button. I totally relate to Moroni when he pleads with the Lord about his writing, "[People] will mock at these things, because of our weakness in writing; for Lord thou hast made us mighty in word by faith, but thou hast not made us mighty in writing...when we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words; and I fear lest the [people] shall mock at our words" (Ether 12:23, 25). I feel exactly the same way- that people will only see my misspelled words, sloppy sentences, or my multiple mistakes. But my desire to share the things that I know to be true with my loved ones, and all of God's children is stronger than the anxiety I feel. So I write.

It gives me courage to write when I read the Lord's reply to Moroni. He says, "Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness" (Ether 12:26). So, if people make fun of what I write, or even choose not to read it due to my clumsiness, I write anyway.

I so love the scriptures! And so I write about them. I find joy, comfort, peace, and guidance in them, for they are the words of Christ (see 2 Nephi 33:10; Colossians 3:16; 2 Nephi 32:3). I have been through some really hard things (everyone goes through hard things) and it is the scriptures (you can read and even watch Bible videos here) that have helped me and given me direction and hope in those hard times. I have learned for myself the truth of these words: "Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do" (2 Nephi 32:3). The scriptures have shown me all things that I need to do. The challenge is to "go and do" (1 Nephi 3:7) for I am not perfect in the application but I keep trying. I write in hopes "...that your joy may be full" (1 John 1:4) as you "go and do" also.

I write for my children and loved ones. This is one of my favorite scriptures. It is the words of Nephi and for me, it says very clearly another reason I write: "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies (prophecies being testimony- see Revelations 19:10), that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins" (2 Nephi 25:26). I want my children to know that it is through the grace of Jesus Christ that all sin, pain, every affliction, temptations, and death- all of it, is made whole in Him and He will succor us in, through, and during all of it (see Alma 7:11-13) as we turn to Him. And so I write.

I don't believe everyone needs to keep a public journal or blog their thoughts. But we each can write blessings by our daily actions. Elder Carlos E. Asay said, "We do, in fact, write our own blessings by the way we live and serve" (Write Your Own Blessing). I write many of the things I know to be true here. But hopefully, the most powerful writing I will do is my daily living of these truths. I am not perfect at it, but I keep practicing (I'm a practicing Christian after all). "And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures... For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children" (2 Nephi 4:15). And this is why I write.

I write that my children may know...

Yes- that these awesome children may know! They are why I write the things of my soul

Now go and write your own blessings. (You're always welcome to share them with me!) Know you are loved!!!

"...look forward unto Christ with steadfastness..." (2 nephi 26:8)

As I look forward at the rapidly approaching Christmas season I realize I make a yearly promise that "this season will be different". I promise myself that I will worry less about shopping, getting stuff, and being places and do more for the people I love. The "do more" would be spend time with my family, and serve my neighbors, be aware of those in need and "lift the hands that hang down and the feeble knees" (Hebrews 12:12) and really give the gift of love the Savior taught to give. I realize that it isn't just a seasonal problem or dilemma. It is a year round challenge to "look forward unto Christ with steadfastness" (2 nephi 26:8) and to continually "seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written" (Ether 12:41) and do testify of.

In the Old Testament Lot's wife didn't look forward, but "looked back" (Genesis 19:26). She wanted to return to the former life they had in Sodom and Gomorrah. I seem to have the same problem with my Christmas planning. Procrastination isn't a very good gift for me to be giving on a regular basis, and going on a personal guilt trip doesn't make the Christmas season much of a vacation. It isn't a very relaxed time of the year. Shoving aside all my weaknesses, and wiping the slate clean is a real challenge for me. But, Christ has said and promised, "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me" (D&C 19:23). Notice, we must learn and listen and walk. He has given us a formula we can follow.

In our day and age people really like science and want proof and evidence. One formula that is guaranteed peace, from "The Prince of Peace" Himself (Isaiah 9:6; 2 Nephi 19:6) is: learn of Christ; listen to His words; walk in the meekness of His Spirit. Christ looked forward. He suffered in Gethsemane "being in an agony...and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground" (Luke 22:44). He then was taken prisoner and abandoned by his friends (Luke 22:47-62), yet, He looked forward. "They mocked Him, and smote Him" (Luke 22:63-71) which we would now call the worst kind of bullying ever. He was tried unfairly (see Luke 23:13-24), and then, looking forward, He carried his own cross and was then crucified (see Luke 23:26). The wonderful joy is that He did not remain in the grave. The angels stated, "He is not here, but is risen" (Luke 24:6). At His death He looked forward knowing He would rise again (see Mark 16:9; Luke 24:39; 3 Nephi 11:12-15).

Ahead there is great joy! Faith in Christ always leads to joy. I hope to focus this coming Christmas season on Christ, just as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has said. "[Christmas] should...be a time of looking to the future. Let us look forward. Let us prepare for that blessed day when He will come again. Let us be as wise as those ancients who watched for His coming. As His disciples, let us have in our hearts and minds the words of John: "Even so, come, Lord Jesus" (Seeing Christmas through New Eyes). May we "look forward unto Christ with steadfastness" (2 nephi 26:8) not only in the coming Christmas season, but every day of the year. There is great joy as we look forward with faith in Christ. This I testify.

Our family looking forward to the coming year (taken New Year's Eve 2013). Here's to the coming Christmas season and all that is ahead!

"...I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:19)

I have always known that my parents age, but in my mind they have always been really young. So, when ill health or problems have come their way, it has been a bit difficult for me emotionally to watch them deal with pain, suffering, and major trauma to their bodies- most recently, my mother. I have had many opportunities to serve her daily. I keep thinking that I am suppose to feel joy when I am serving others, at least that is what I have been told. What I have been shocked at is the darkness and great feelings of oppression and desperation that have seemed to over take my thoughts and mind. This is not at all what getting older is suppose to be like- let alone the experience of being a caregiver. I now realize that most of these things- death, illness, mental health or physical health of a an aging parent, are not talked about in casual conversation. These feelings of darkness have been overwhelming at times...but I keep moving forward.

Today, as I have sought for answers in the scriptures, I read in D&C 4:2, "Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve Him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day". I thought, I am serving Him by serving my mother (see Mosiah 2:17) with all my heart, might, mind and strength, to the point of exhaustion. So, why am I so sad? Well, service isn't always easy. Sometimes it does push us to the breaking point. Paul said of his trials of serving: "Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations" (Acts 20:19). He served with tears and with temptations due to "lying in wait of the Jews". It wasn't all cake and ice cream. It was difficult, and hard, and trying. 

I keep wanting to rejoice in the opportunity to serve my mother. It has been wonderful to spend time with her and talk and share special moments. I can relate to Nephi when he says, "Neverthless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me His great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities...And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:17,19). The drowning feelings come and go, but I know I will be okay because I do know in whom I have trusted. "My God hath been my support; He hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness..." (2 Nephi 4:20).

God does lead us through our afflictions, through the wilderness of life. Aging is a part of this life. Many of us get to have the full experience of aging and all the trials and tribulations that come with it. Being a caregiver or the one being cared for, neither is an easy role, but there is peace that comes when we "know in whom [we] have trusted".

My sweet mother with her brother and his wife. Love these people!