"...a time to weep..." (Eccl. 3:4)

As this has been a long two weeks of recovery from a surgery that has had a few complications, I finally broke down today in tears. Mostly tears of pain this morning. I have wanted to hold back on the crying because I have thought that crying wasn’t a good thing because it would give way to frustration and possibly a negative attitude towards healing. I have wanted to stay away from that as much as possible. So, when the pain was very intense this morning and a dear sister called and offered to bring dinner, I succumbed to tears. This made me think about tears and about crying and about weeping. There has got to be a purpose and a good one. I know it.

And there is. The story of Lazarus and his sisters tells a lot. It is in John 11: 1-46. Jesus is told that Lazarus, “He whom thou lovest is sick. When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, the Son of God might be glorified thereby” vs. 3-4. So Jesus takes his time going to see Lazarus and Lazarus dies. When Jesus finally arrives he is met by Martha and Mary. He sees how sad they are. He asks where Lazarus has been laid. And “Jesus wept” vs.35. Jesus had compassion for them in their grief. He has the power to raise Lazarus from the dead. He could have responded and said to them, don’t cry. I can raise him up, watch me. But He didn’t. He wept with them. It was after He wept with them that He then asked “Martha, the sister of him that was dead” to take away the stone from the cave Lazarus was buried in. Martha responded, “Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days” vs. 39. In His infinite compassion He brought forth Lazarus from the dead “that they may believe that thou has sent me” vs. 42. But first He wept with them.

As I try to put on a brave face and not cry, I realize that it is okay to weep. For there is a “time to weep” Eccl. 3:4. There is a time for everything. I can weep and it doesn’t mean I have a negative attitude. It just means I need to weep. And Christ will weep with me. I can be more compassionate in weeping with others, in weeping with my own children and in comforting them. Sometimes, we just need to weep to help ease our own and the burdens of others. In crying with others we can offer comfort, solace, and safety. It’s what the Master did and taught. It is okay to cry. This I testify.

"They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." (Matt. 9:12)

I used to hate the word “repentance” only because I didn’t know what the true meaning of the word meant. I thought it meant being shamed into confessing a sin. Or feeling really bad about something and needing to be ashamed of myself for doing it. I really misunderstood this word. Because I had heard it so much and knew that it was important I decided I wanted to understand its true meaning. The Bible dictionary has a beautiful explanation that I refer to often. It states: “The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world…repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined.” Bible Dictionary I can still remember reading this for the first time. It blew me away. It was so beautiful. “A turning of the heart and will to God”…I could do that and there was nothing shameful in those words or feelings at all. To renounce something is to reject or disown it. So, if I am to reject or disown something that is keeping me away from God, and have a “fresh view about God, about [myself], and about the world," and then "turn my heart and will to God,” that is repentance. Now, this is beautiful, and doable, and desirable!

As I have been dealing with an infection I have thought how sin is similar to having an infection. It can go undetected for a while. But eventually it will always catch up to you in one way or another. So, there has to be an antidote. And the antidote is an antibiotic. Well, the antibiotic for sin is repentance. And to get the prescription for this antibiotic we must go to a physician. Christ is the Physician. He can make us whole in our lives as we turn our hearts to Him. He says, “They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."  Mark 2:17 Are we not all sinners? Do we not all need the Physician?

I love the thought of Christ being the Master Healer, for He truly is. He knows exactly what we are suffering, in every aspect of our lives. He knows what antibiotics we need to take, with no worries of allergic reactions. “He [took] upon him [our] infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to [our] infirmities.” Alma 7:12 He knows.

I have come to love the word, the action, and the process of repentance. It is beautiful and wonderful to turn my heart, my mind, and my life to Christ. To “have a fresh view about God, about [myself], and about the world.” It feels so good to be made whole. This I testify.

"Is any thing too hard for the Lord? " (Gen. 18:14)

I am surrounded by women who are incredible examples of strength and faith. They go forward without complaint of their situations, with positive attitudes doing their best in whatever their situation may be. Some of these women are married and some are in terrible marriages, and some are single or divorced, some have health problems, some have financial problems, some are faced with challenges with their children. There are as many different situations as there are women. Each of these women have their own unique problems that seem to be tailor made to try her faith, test her resolve, and sometimes I wonder, perhaps, break her. But they never break. They endure. And they endure faithfully. To me they are the Sarah’s of the Bible, in our time. Let me explain.

We often refer to the sacrifice of Abraham and Isaac. God has even said “[His people] must needs be chastened and tried, even as Abraham, who was commanded to offer up his only son. For all those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified.” (D&C 101:4-5.) There is a part of that story that is not mentioned, which I am sure existed, but wasn’t written. That is the part of Sarah, Isaac’s mother. She had to also know, in my opinion, of the sacrifice that was to take place. She was married to Abraham. They were sealed together and she was his helpmeet. Perhaps this was only Abrahams test, but Gods says, “They must needs be chastened and tried”, not just Abraham. So, I always believe that a prophet of God marries a woman his equal, if not greater than he is. I remember sitting in Sunday school class once and a dear sister said she didn’t believe that Sarah knew about the sacrifice of Isaac because she couldn’t have handled it. Sarah wasn’t without faith in the plan that God had and Sarah was just as committed to God as Abraham. Perhaps she was even the one that said you must do this. I ponder this as a follower of Jesus Christ. For I know that He has a plan for me too when I have a trial that seems overwhelming to me. He does for all of us.

I also ponder the fact that I am surrounded by strong women. Women who sacrifice on a daily basis. Women who sacrifice their time, talents, and everything the Lord has blessed them with for the building up the Kingdom of God on the earth. The Kingdom of God on the earth is people. It is their families! It is each of us. These women, us, we spend all we are in the defense of our children and in the defense of Gods children. We want them to love holy things, to love righteousness. We want them to know that true joy and happiness can only come from following God’s plan. And those women who don’t have children yet, are living examples of righteousness. They are as faithful as Sarah was who was unable to bear children in her early years until God made it so (Gen. 18:9-15.) I love the women in my life, who lift others by serving others cheerfully, even when it is hard, even when their husbands don’t say “thank you”, or when all they do seems to go unnoticed, not because they are seeking approval or wanting thanks, but sometimes it just happens. Funny how Sarah’s sacrifice was left out of the Bible as well. But it is recorded. And so shall the righteousness of all good women. This I testify.

"...God hath not given us the spirit of fear..." 2 Tim. 1:7

Have you ever made a commitment and felt, yeah, I am going to totally do that…and then later think: "Can I really do that?!" Well, I did this recently. But I have decided that I am going to stick with it, no matter what. I have a feeling it isn't going to be easy, but I also have a feeling that it is going to totally be worth it. Here is the commitment: "To live my life completely without fear" or better said, "To live my life completely in faith". Whoa, that last part is what really hit me.

What this means to me is that I will not be afraid to stand up for what is right (see Matt 6:33), no matter how hard it gets. It means I will serve where I am asked to serve (see Joshua 24:15), even when I don’t think I am capable, or perhaps I feel it is beneath me. Living a life of faith means I will practice listening to the Spirit and following the promptings, even when I think it is “just me”, or I may think “I don’t have time for this”, because everything always works out-always (2 Nephi 32:3,5). I will trust that health issues of a loved one or myself will be okay (see D&C 89:18-31). I won’t allow life’s unexpected emergencies or life’s challenges to overwhelm me, but will allow them to be a building block for me to draw closer to my Savior, my family and my loved ones (see Alma 36:3, D&C 90:24, D&C 100:15, Romans 8:28). There are many things that I will have to exercise faith. What a blessing I will be able to practice this in my life. (Note I get to practice this, I am not perfect in it:)

For some reason I have made sharing the gospel with a friend to be a frightening thing only because I love them both… and I don’t want to offend my friends. But why would my friends be offended if I shared something I loved with them? It would kind of be like sharing my favorite cookie recipe with them. They may like it and they may not. But why would I be upset if they chose not to follow or accept the recipe I shared with them? I would still love them and they would still love me. I have decided I will share this “recipe” with all my friends. It is my most beloved “recipe.” It is okay with me if they don’t find that it works for them. I would never force feed them. That would be gross. But I would want to share with them this part of me that is very important and sacred to me. It is like inviting them a very special dinner as I share this part of my life with them. I am so grateful for the friends I have who share their “recipes” with me as well (see a great talk about the recipe of the Gospel here).

I love the scripture in 2 Tim. 1:7 which reads, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” God doesn't give us fear. No way. He fills us with “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, faith, meekness, and temperance” (Gal. 5:22-23). He fills us with power. This applies to every area of our lives. I have felt it, experienced it, seen it, and continue to have it. I truly have nothing to fear. I am so excited to go forward with my commitment and live my life in total faith. It is a good feeling to know I have nothing to fear. Everything always works out for our good, for “[I] know that all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28). This I testify.

"But I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren..." (Alma 29:14)

My son came home yesterday from his swim meet and taught me a two great lesson. He came into the house and yelled triumphantly, “I got 28th place!” He was so happy with his accomplishment. He was delighted to be in 28th place and he was also happy for those who had done better than he had. In my mind, I was thinking, really? You are happy being in 28th place? Guess what? He really was happy and content because he had done his best and had worked hard to get there.

As I have thought about this I think that this is one of life’s greatest challenges, to be happy that I am where I am. Let me explain. I have always wanted to be successful in my art. I have not been in the worlds terms, meaning I don’t sell it and I haven’t made a name for myself at all. I have not given my art the time it needs to be the artist that is well known or to have enough art to sell. I am also one that gives my “art” away. I have always struggled with the fact that I am not really “successful”, more so because I had a professor who told me that I would “never amount to much except be a mom”. In my life now, I realize that I am not a J. Kirk Richards (if you don’t know who he is look him up, a fabulous and very talented artist), nor am I ever going to be a Sherri Dew (not an artist, but what a powerful speaker and writer!) Nope, I am not going to be them. I am going to be and am a Jennifer Bonney Slack, in “28th place” and I am discovering -what a great place to be!

The reason it is so great is because Christ created me just to be me. He needs a Jennifer Bonney Slack. He already has all the other people filling their own slots. He doesn’t need two 1st places, or two 20th places. He needs me to fill my “28th place.” And He needs me to do my very best. Some days my best is better than others, but overall, in the big picture, He just needs me to be me. Just as Christ is the “light of the sun” and “the light of the moon” and “the light of the stars”, each having their individual purpose, He is also the “light which shineth, which giveth [me] light” (D&C 88:7-11) and He needs me to fulfill my purpose. He needs each of us to be our best “28th place!”

The other thing my son did was be so excited for the friend that had received 4 medals at the swim meet. She placed in top positions to receive those medals. He was thrilled for her. It was so sweet to see him be so excited for her. This is the second lesson he taught me. In life, someone is always going to be better than I am at something, and someone is always going to be worse at something than I am. Why the need to compare? In the end, Christ makes it all even, as I repent and turn to Him. That is one of the wonderful blessings of the atonement. Christ makes everything work out perfectly. So, the best thing I can do is cheer others on and “help others on their way” (Primary Children’s songbook, 34.) It sure feels better than self pity or even envy. It was pure delight to see my son rejoice in the success of others. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “True believers rejoice in the success of others. When someone seems to surpass them, spiritually or temporally, true believers give them heartfelt and sincere praise. They don’t regard colleagues as competitors.” (Neal A. Maxwell, “True Believers,” New Era, Apr 1994, 20)

I love it when I can learn from my 10 year old….does this count as “out of the mouths of babes?” (Matt 21:16) He is wise beyond his years. Life is good. This I testify.

"...In the service of your fellow beings..." Mosiah 2:17

My heart is so full of gratitude for all that I have been through lately. About eleven days ago I had surgery that I knew I would need recovery time from, but I had no idea just how much. After the surgery I felt great. I really thought I would have 3 weeks of blissful time to do the stuff I wanted to do, like weave and ceramics. I was so excited for the personal time. I also thought I would be able to go to lunch and spend time with friends, just no driving and no heavy lifting. Piece of cake. Kind of a mini-vacation even. How wrong I was.

After the surgery, I thought it was easier than having a baby…but about four days in, I started feeling worse than I had after the surgery. My husband had to go out of town on Monday for the week and I really thought I would be able to handle everything while he was gone. I ended up at the doctors on Tuesday, a week out from surgery. Infection. Man did that wipe me out! And boy was I in pain. I could barely walk. Antibiotics and I usually don’t usually get along too well. But I am so grateful for them this time; after three days I am feeling better. Not like I was after the surgery, but I am on my way.

Now, I share this personal information with you, not because I want sympathy, far from it; but because I have been so blessed through all of this. There have been so many friends, neighbors, family, and loved ones who have taken care of me and my family by calling (yes those phone calls make a very big difference!), making meals, visiting, sending flowers and cards, checking on us, serving in so many little and big ways. Getting up early, and I mean early (4:40am) to take our kids to water-polo practice in the morning. Taking me to the doctors office at short notice, picking up kids, dropping kids off, or forgotten items off, or taking kids to events and cheering them on when I couldn't be there. Or even just a pick me up text or facebook message. There has been so much love expressed through all of this. You know what? Even though I didn’t get to do what I thought I would, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even the pain. I have seen and witnessed Christ-like love from so many people it fills my soul with joy! There is great hope in the world because of so many people.

To me, this is truly what Christ has taught and I am so grateful to be the recipient of such love and service. It is hard to receive service. I am way more comfortable being on the other end and giving service than receiving it. But when I see that my children are learning first hand “…when you are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17); and “inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matt. 25:40), I see and have learned that being the receiver as well as the giver is truly a blessing. I am humbled by the continued love from all these precious people whom God has placed in my life. I see the hand of God, once again, in my life, as He not only blesses my life and the life of our family, but also the lives of all who have served us. He is just waiting to bless us as we give and receive service, one of many His ways of sharing His love with us. This I testify.

"...seek out of the best books words of wisdom..." D&C 88:118

Today I have to share my favorite book. My favorite book is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Now, why in the world would this be my favorite book when there are so many great books out there to read? This isn’t a literary master piece…or is it? I am not sure, because I am not here to critique it in such a manner. But, let me share with you why it is my favorite book and why I choose to read from it every day. Yes, every day. It is that good.

I love this book for so many reasons. I will attempt to explain why. As a youth, I am embarrassed to say, I spent way too much time reading hours of trash. I know what garbage writing is. That is easy to spot. And it is easy to read. But since I spent so much time reading it when I was young, a few years ago, when my children were little and I had so little time to read I realized that I had to make a choice. I had limited time and I wanted to really read the good stuff. The sort of stuff that would lift me, and sustain me. I wanted to read God's words. What I really wanted was a conversation with Him. Could I really have a conversation with God? Would He really respond to the things and needs I had in my life? I decided to find out. I also thought that if I wanted something from Him, that perhaps I must be willing to give some things up in order to receive what I really wanted. So, I started to sacrifice sleep so that I could have quiet, personal, and private time to have a conversation with God, if it was going to happen.

In the Book of Mormon there is a promise. It says to “remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts (Moroni 10:3).” The mercy He has offered to man has always been there through prophets that a Savior will come! All through The Holy Bible it testifies that Christ will be born of a virgin. He will perform miracles. He will be rejected of His people and He will die and be resurrected for them. I started thinking about how merciful He had been to me. The protection and mercy given to me as a teenager. The protection and mercy given to me when I served my mission. The mercy He gave me and the incredible blessing of my husband!!! The mercy offered to me through out each pregnancy. I could keep going, but it would fill up the whole blog.

The promise continues. “And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things (Moroni 10:4-5).” So, the promise is, if we ask God, with real intent, meaning we intend to do something about it if it is true, not just blow it off, then, the Holy Ghost will manifest the truth of the Book, and ALL truth unto us. That is such a powerful promise! To know the truth of ALL THINGS. I needed that and wanted that in my life. I wanted to know the truth in my parenting. I wanted to know the truth about who I really am and what direction I am suppose to go with my life. I wanted the truth about God. It is all in there and the Holy Ghost WILL and does teach us the truth. We just have to be willing to listen, to take that time to be quiet and then to act.

Well guess what? It comes back to choice. It always does. Every day when we read The Book of Mormon we have a choice of what attitude we come to read. An attitude of -we are ready to learn and we intend to follow and do what we have read. Or have can choose to -role our eyes and say yeah right. Not today. We don’t want to do that or even we are just too tired. We would rather watch TV or another choice is to say, we would rather read something else. I have found the most effective attitude in reading is the one in which I am willing to listen and learn. In which I am open to change, for it is so easy to repeat the same habits and get the same reaction from my children. I shouldn’t be amazed, but I always get answers and have a conversation with my Father in Heaven through my scripture study (that’s what I call it, study). This is how it goes: I start my scripture study with prayer, I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings that I have been given, and then I tell Him what I need to learn or what I need help with, and then I start reading. Sometimes I will pick a topic to study, such a prayer or faith or something, but mostly I start where I left off. And as I read I stop at the verses that jump out at me, and I follow the footnotes and cross reference everything. I take notes and I ponder what I am reading. The Spirit is the guide (see John 16:13). I ask questions and the answers come through the verses. He speaks to me through the scriptures, everytime. That is how I do it. I feel like I am having a conversation with God. I ask a question and I get an answer. Sometimes the answers take more than just a day…but they always come. He always answers. I LOVE reading/studying from the scriptures. The Book of Mormon and the Bible are the words of God.

In The Book of Mormon there are tons of promises. Tons! And I love putting them to the test. Here is another promise…
“Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” (2 Nephi 32:3) Okay, this doesn’t mean it will tell you what outfit to wear, or stuff like that. But, it can, if you choose to let it, lead your life and make a difference in all you are doing. “Feast upon the words of Christ.” Choose to be fed. Choose to be filled. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ is true. It testifies of Christ. It happened. Its’ purpose is to help people draw closer to Jesus Christ and change their lives. I have chosen to let it draw me closer to Him. For Jesus is the Christ. He lives. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. It can change your life…it has mine. This I testify.

"And that he was buried, and that he arose again the third day according to the scriptures" (1 Cor. 15:4)

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Sunday Will Come


This blog is influenced by a talk that was given by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin in October General Conference of 2006. It has had a powerful influence on my thinking in more ways than one. Just the one line of “Sunday Will Come” has stuck with me, almost on a daily basis.

Where this thought comes from is from the Savior, Jesus Christ, who told his disciples that he would die and be resurrected after three days. He was resurrected on a Sunday. Those three days prior to His resurrection must have been awfully dark, not only physically dark on the earth, but also emotionally dark having lost their beloved Savior and Leader. Would He really live again? Those three days must have been so difficult and challenging to endure. They must have been the darkest of dark days. I can’t seem to find the words to describe the words I would feel at having to lose a loved one, not knowing if I would ever see them again, especially if I lost the Creator of the world, my Master.

I have "dark days". Days that seem to try me to my limits. There are various trials I have to endure that are sometimes physically painful and sometimes very emotionally painful and when I am in the midst of them, I wonder, “will Sunday come?” and can I endure until “Sunday will come?”

After three days of darkness, on what we now celebrate as Easter Morning, Jesus Christ appeared to Mary Magdelene, He was ascending to His Father. Jesus Christ broke the bonds of death. He appeared to His disciples and they touched His hands and His feet. He was resurrected!! He broke the bonds of death! Sunday indeed had come! Christ lives, even now!

As each of us will have "dark Fridays", the promise is there, in this life or in the next, through Jesus Christ, “Sunday will come!” We need not remain in the dark. Yes, there are times when we must endure the dark, but eventually, “Sunday will come.” I am so grateful everyday is not a dark day and that I am blessed with many "Sundays". There have been times in my life when the "dark days" or trials are longer than three days...but I just keep hanging on…I know it is painful and long and hard at times, but it is so worth it! And I promise, because of Jesus Christ, “ Sunday will come”, this I testify.

"...It was not you that sent me hither, but God." (Gen. 45:8)

I love the story of Joseph, the son of Jacob, found in Genesis 37-45. I have read and reread it as it is a powerful and moving story of faith, forgiveness, and seeing the hand of God in the midst of affliction. In this story I see that suffering is not in vain. Perhaps that is why I love it so much.

As I read about Joseph and all that he goes through, he never gets mad at God. He continues to turn towards God. His brothers sold him into slavery. He is cast into prison for very unfair reasons. In fact, he was even obeying the commandments and he was cast into prison! He interprets the dreams of the Pharaoh’s baker and butler, and the butler promises him that when he is out he will remember him, but of course he doesn’t. It all seems so unfair. Then, of course, the Pharaoh has a dream and Joseph interprets his dream. The seven fat cows and the seven lean cows. The seven ears of corn “full and good” and the seven ears of corn “thin and blasted” which devour the good ears of corn. Joseph tells Pharaoh that “God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do” (Gen. 41:25). The interpretation is that there will be seven years of prosperity and seven years of famine. Joseph is then put in charge of preparing all of Egypt so they could survive the seven years of famine.

After Joseph has prepared all of Egypt and they are well into two years of the famine, his brothers show up asking for food. It is amazing to me to read of Joseph’s heart. He wants to help his family. He weeps as he hears his brothers talk, not out of hate, but out of love. He has been through so much, and his brothers are the ones who put him there. When Joseph reveals himself to his brothers after having fed them twice (you need to read this part of the story) and testing them, he doesn’t blame them for all he’s been through. Instead he says, “Now, therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life…So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God…” (Gen. 45:5-8). Isn’t that amazing! God was in the works all along. God knew exactly what needed to happen so that Joseph’s family could be preserved. In the process of it all Joseph is refined, prepared to lead and made a great prophet.

I love this story. I know God is in the little workings of my life. At any time I can choose to blame God for my problems and my pain, or I can learn from them and “draw near unto Him, and He will draw near unto me.” (D&C 88: 63) It is my choice. That’s why I love my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ, they will never ever force me to follow them. It is always my choice. And when I choose to follow them, I am always blessed. Yes, just as Joseph, I am tried, there is a guarantee I will be tried, and I have and I am sure I will continue to be tried (D&C 98: 12, 14), but I know that His hand is guiding my life. He has the bigger picture in mind. He sees what I cannot see, this I testify, and I am so glad He does!

"...Ears to hear"...(Matt. 13:9)

Have you ever taken the time to just listen? I mean really listen? Let me explain. When I say “listen”, I mean to give up the preconceived notions of what I expect to hear, or the things I expect to happen, or want to “hear”, and wait patiently for the sounds, and feelings to come. It is an interesting experience to practice listening. Perhaps I should say, have you taken the time to “practice hearing”?

To practice hearing in our day it is a real challenge. There are many distractions and it is so easy to have my ears filled with sound for me. The mp3 player that I have easily fills my ears with music, or the TV with plenty of voices. The movie I watch or the books I read are great escapes and fill my ears with plenty of things so that I don’t have to really listen. So, if I want to really “listen”…I actually have to have it quiet. Yup, quiet. It is a challenge to find quiet and to be content with quiet. Content with quiet…and then to actually listen. What am I really hearing?

I think this passage of scripture is describing us… “They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not: They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not…” (Psalms 115:5-6) We have these wonderful senses to experience what God has in store for us, but we are too busy with our lives to actually experience the life God wants for us.

I want to share two of the things I have experienced when I have actually taken the time to “hear” that have changed and shaped my life and continue to have a powerful impact on me.

In the quiet, I have pondered the true event of a young 14 year old boy who went into a grove of trees seeking for answers about God. His prayer was miraculously answered by the appearance of God the Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ. In the quiet, I have “heard, felt, and seen” that this is true. I did not have an angel come and manifest this to me. I had to take the time to “hear” and to “feel” and to “see”. This young boy was Joseph Smith. He eventually became a prophet of God and restored The Church of Jesus Christ on the earth, through the authority of Jesus Christ. This I testify is true. Joseph Smith actually saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. (JS-H 1:7-17)

In the quiet I have also read and reread the words of God which are recorded in The Holy Bible and The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. They testify of the divinity of Jesus Christ and His mission on the earth. He is God’s Son. He lived, taught, set an example, suffered, bled, died, and was resurrected for us so that we, if we exercise faith in Him, and repent, would not have to suffer as He did and can be resurrected and live with our Father in Heaven again. I have heard, felt, and my knowledge and understanding continues to grow of His divinity. Christ lives! This I testify.

To practice “listening” and “hearing” I have to be willing to also act upon what I have heard. I must have "ears to hear" (Matt. 13:9). So, if I hear it and it true…even though it may go against my preconceived notions, I have a choice to act, or not to act. In choosing to ignore what I “hear” I may lose out on opportunities to “hear” and “listen” for more. If I act upon what I “hear” I will be given opportunities to “hear” more truth. It is a powerful experience to “hear” truth and to act upon it. I must take time to “hear” everyday. Some days it is easier than others to make the time to “hear”. But it is always worth the effort. This I testify.

"Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev. 2:10)

I have wondered about suffering. I don't like to see others suffer. I have a hard time watching anyone go through pain of any kind. I give money to others probably too readily. My husband is good about making me not bankrupt us, which would be a whole other problem if I did give it all away. So, why suffering? It can't be all bad either, because if there is one thing I have also noticed is that everyone suffers. Let me restate that. EVERYONE suffers. No matter how rich, how poor, how healthy, how smart, how good, no matter...everyone suffers.

So my question is, is there a point in suffering? I think there is and it is pretty simple really. It comes back to choice for me. With suffering there are really only two choices. The two choices are 1)Will I allow myself to draw closer to my Savior, the One who knows suffering, and suffered for everyone or 2) Will I become angry, bitter or indifferent because of my suffering and draw farther away from Him who has the power to make me greater than I can become without the trial of suffering.

As I look back over my life and the various things I have suffered, I realize that every time I went through something there was a better outcome than I had thought. Not necessarily financially better, or even physically better, but I have always found greater peace, more love in the long run, more compassion for others in the long run, and ultimately, more joy. In some cases, I am still waiting for those wonderful blessings, but I know they will come. They always do. The trick is to remember that my timing isn't always His timing (see D&C 64:32).

I think the scary thing is when I try to compare my suffering with someone else’s suffering. My pregnancies are pretty bad; I have what is called "hyper-emesis". It is a fancy way of saying "throwing up a ton". Each pregnancy was different...and my youngest son's was by far the worst, in terms of puking. But as I hear of other women who have the same thing, I keep my mouth shut because there is no contest when it comes to suffering. Pain is pain. I think what suffering can teach me is compassion for others. The trick isn't to say, "Well I puked way more than you did", but to say, "I am so sorry you suffered", even if they only puked once! The reason why...because this is what Christ taught. He taught that we should "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9). We all need comfort. Throwing money at the problem isn't always the solution either. But love, a kind word, a hug, even a smile..."When you have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me" (Matt. 25:40).

Christ, who suffered more than anyone of us could ever imagine, doesn't turn us away in our pain. He comforts us and loves us. He knows exactly what we need to suffer so that we can practice those Christ like qualities that are in us and we need to refine. So, when I have the grouchy child at home who is refusing to do his homework, and I am in pain because of a headache, or whatever it is that I am suffering...it is a perfect time to practice developing my Christ-like qualities.

I know there is peace and joy for those who suffer.  We truly have need "fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev. 2:10). "For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1:7). To not fear, I am not perfect, but I am working on it and I know it is true and it works...this I testify!

This I Testify

What does it mean to "testify"? Well, when one is in court, and one is on the witness stand and asked to "testify" they are giving an account of their experience of what they have witnessed, most frequently with their five senses. They are sharing their experiences of what they have seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled. I believe there is also a sixth sense and people often testify of this sixth sense as well. It is the sense of feeling, or emotion. Sometimes it is hard to describe, like salt is hard to describe, or sugar. But it is very real. There are feelings and experiences I have that are more powerful than if I had seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled them.

I am writing this blog to "testify" of the things that I have experienced and therefore know to be true. One may try to argue that I do not know such things to be true, but these are my experiences. And so I only share them from my own perspective and can therefore say they are mine...This I testify...meaning I have experienced this, these are my thoughts, this is what I feel, therefore, it is true to me.

The first thing I have to testify of is the reality of a loving Father in Heaven. He is real. He is the Father of all of us. We are His children and He cares a great deal about what goes on in our lives. He cares so much that He allows us to make choices and also to have the consequences of our choices. As a parent myself, it is very difficult at times to let my children suffer the consequences of their choices. For example, when my son doesn't get his homework completed, I am not doing him any favors if I do it for him so that he won't miss recess or get into trouble in school. Rather, if I let him suffer those consequences, he will eventually learn (hopefully) that it is more fun to get the work done and go to recess, than to stay inside. Heavenly Father is the same way with us. He has given us an incredible gift of agency. Agency allows us to make choices every day whom we will follow. "...As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15). My Father in Heaven allows me to choose each day whom I will serve. What a gift! What love our Father must have for us, to allow us to choose, rather than to force us to follow Him. In every situation I get to choose how I will behave, whether I will be kind or rude, whether I will be angry or forgiving. I love the fact that I get to choose. I get to choose whether or not I will allow a trial to let me draw closer to Him or to get mad and be farther away from Him. He knows exactly what I need to become more like Him. I get to choose. And it feels so great when I choose to follow the example of His Son, Jesus Christ, to love others, forgive others, help others on their way. This is true joy. And it feels so good.

We have a loving Father in Heaven who loves each and every one of us. He created us "in His image I own image, in the image of God created He [us]; male and female created He [us]" (Gen. 1:27) and He hears our prayer...but that is for another day. He is real. He loves you and me, this I testify.