"...of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10)

I have titled this "The Parable of the Chair" - (Taken from experiences I learned injuring my shoulder-twice.)

There was a woman who had a chair that she used a lot. She really liked this chair. It had been in their family for 20 years. It looked like an old school chair, had paint marks on it from when her kids painted pictures when they were little, and had earned a place that was frequented often by the woman. This chair was in her closet. It was good to her. She would sit on it to get dressed and put her shoes on. Sometimes it would be dragged from room to room to aid her in other needs. Often the woman would pour out her soul in prayer in the closet and the chair was a great source of support.

Well, one day she needed to stand on it to hide Christmas presents. She did. It was the perfect height. She hid the presents and then proceeded to turn and step off the chair. Well, she didn’t just step off, she fell off the chair. The chair had betrayed her! As she fell off the chair she landed on her shoulder. She screamed in pain. The chair did nothing. It didn’t come to her aid. It just sat there.

At first, the woman thought her should would get better by not using her arm. She was pretty ticked at the chair for betraying her trust like that. How could it let her down? She felt justified when she called it names, even refusing to sit on it to tie her shoes. Nothing the chair did (which was very little) helped her in any way to get over this hurt, this pain, this betrayal! The woman thought maybe it would help her feel better if she put it in the basement, never to be used again or even more serious, maybe she would get rid of the chair never to be allowed into her home again. She would most definitely be justified in that! But none of this helped her shoulder to heal. It had been over a month now, and the pain was still there, getting even worse. Being angry, hurt, and resentful was not helping her shoulder heal.

After a period of months the woman realized that perhaps she needed to try something different to get better. She had found no comfort and no peace in being offended by the chair. Perhaps she should see the Great Physician, who was also the Great Judge. It has been said that He “went about healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people” (Matt 4:23). Also, “he judgeth, and his judgement is just” (Mosiah 3:18). Feeling desperate, she finally went to see the Great Physician and Judge. He told her that her injury was indeed great. It would even need surgery to repair it. The Great Physician and Judge said there would probably be even more pain and tribulation to come, but if she would  “harden not [her] heart, and stiffen not [her] neck against [Him], [she] shall be [changed] and [He] would heal [her] (see D&C 112:13). She was told she needed to “view herself in her own carnal, or merely human state” and  must “apply” treatment daily (see Mosiah 4:2).

He prescribed what sounded easy, but was often difficult to take regularly. It was "to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the [Great Physician]; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the [Great Physician], will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:9-10). He also gave her exercises to take with the prescription that would also aid in her healing and would help her become to whole again. This remedy He gave her was not easy, sometimes downright painful, but in the end totally worth it. She did exactly what the Great Physician and Judge told her to do. She practiced being obedient to His instructions. The pain subsided and eventually left. She felt so much better. She could move her arm again. She was indeed healed.

In remembering, she realizes that there is great hope for the future. If an injury occurs again, of any kind, rather than wasting time trying to place blame, she would immediately go and see the Great Physician and Judge.

"The Chair"

"I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made” (Mosiah 7:18).

Okay, so this just really stinks having shoulder surgery twice. I mean, REALLY! I am sinking lower and lower, feeling like a trapped mouse, running around and around on a wheel and going nowhere, fast. It is rather hysterical in a way (is that hysterical as in funny, or crazy- not sure). I know this “mist of darkness” (see 1 Nephi 8:23) has an end, but the end can’t come soon enough. I just want to be able to use my arm and be pain free.

I am doing everything right to fight this darkness. I am reading my scriptures (hold to the rod), I am exercising, I am getting plenty of sleep, I am eating more healthy than I have the past few months, I am taking vitamins, I am keeping my covenants, I am even going to the temple. But, I am not healed- and the darkness continues. I know, I know. Just because I do all these things there is no guarantee that I will be miraculously healed or that the darkness will disperse. So, why do I keep having to struggle with this so much? I’m desperate for an answer.

And the answer is:

“O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies (this sling feels like an incredible enemy), notwithstanding our many stugglings (curse this lack of movement!), which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made” (Mosiah 7:18).

Effectual (producing a desired result or effect). Struggle (to move with difficulty or with great effort). If I am going to have to continue to struggle, which I already know the answer to this because I have already gone through a shoulder surgery, I better strap on some dang good boots, buckle up, and “lift up [my] head, and rejoice, and put [my] trust in God” (Mosiah 7:19). Yup, rejoice in this struggle. Make it effective...increase in faith and this too “shall come to pass”.

Not the answer I wanted. But for now, for today, it will do. This struggle, this “effectual struggle” will be what it will be. And I trust that things will eventually clear up, and the light will shine, and my burden will be lifted...and I will get rid of this dang sling (the enemy). I will struggle through this. Effectively.

Pictures below are some of the "light" that has helped me through this "effectual struggle".

Darling, wonderful Isabelle, (my daughter by another mother)- a ray of much needed light! 

Isabelle with me after having our nails done...I miss hearing her and Lara laugh together. 

Sweet Lily, (baby James and Sabrina in the background)- curse the sling, but so grateful for their LIGHT!!!

My awesome sister- always ready to bring "light' to the "effectual struggle". So glad I have her in my life!!!

"But if not...(Daniel 3:18)

Sometimes things don't go as we plan...I recently had a second shoulder surgery, definitely not planned. I had surgery for a shoulder injury back in April, and the recovery was long and painful. To have a second surgery, for a different injury, just a day before leaving town was not in my plans. Due to insurance and timing, it was needed before we left town. I had a day to organize things for the surgery, be ready for Christmas, and ready to leave town. It isn't life threatening or even long term life changing, but it is a pain (in the shoulder) and has caused me to ponder strong examples of enduring and going forward with faith, even being put into a fiery furnace.

I have to ask, am I even near to what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were like? Have I been threatened by a "burning fiery furnace" (Daniel 3:6)? I think there are times when we are all forced to choose between standing up for what is right and being faced with a fiery furnace or perhaps, just being thrown into what seems like a fire of uncontrollable height and heat. I wonder if I am able to respond as they did, "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up" (Daniel 3:17-18). The "but if not" is what challenges me to try and stand strong no matter what the outcome is to be, even if the only thing that I can do is to have a positive attitude during a difficult time.

Now, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were saved. But that isn't always the case- think of Abinadi (see Mosiah 17:20). Sometimes things don't go the way we plan. Sometimes we are allowed to be "in the furnace of affliction" (Isaiah 48:10), and honestly, I don't like being in that furnace. It is just not where I like to spend my time. But it happens to all of us and no one is exempt. I think the real trial is whether or not we will endure to the end, no matter how hot the fire really is or if we are saved from the fire. It's the "but if not" part that is the real test.

Elder Dennis E.Simmons (former member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy) shared this thought about "but if not": "Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not, ...Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not, ...He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not, ...Our God will deliver us from threats accusations, and insecurity, but if not, ...He will deliver us from death and impairment of loved ones, but if not, ...we will trust in the Lord. Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not, ..." (But If Not...).

This is a lot to ponder. Add your own "but if not". How will you respond if you lose your ability to write, or use a limb, or am limited by your health? How will you respond if you lose a loved one, a child, or get divorced unexpectedly? We all have our "but if not..." moments. God doesn't love one person above another because they go through these afflictions or have none. God "loveth our souls as well as He loveth our children" (see Alma 24:14). God really wants us to be like him (see Matt. 5:48, 3 Nephi 12:48 ) "that we may be purified even as He is pure" (Moroni 7:48). And as a loving Father in Heaven, he lets us endure and go through our own "fiery furnace of affliction" or perhaps we can call them mini Gethsemane's. The Lord says, "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction" (Isaiah 48:10). Notice, He doesn't say, next to the the furnace, or beside it. He says, "in the furnace of affliction".

You know, this was a major inconvenience to have to go through a second shoulder surgery, especially with the timing of everything, but I do know that all things work together for our good (see D&C 100:15). God loves us! He will help us in all things, even when they don't turn out like we think they should...the "but if not" makes all the difference. This I testify.

Thumbs up- with the nurse and aid who helped me before the "fiery furnace" of shoulder surgery, 2nd one in a year

Yup, that's how I do it, prior to entering "the furnace"

Goofing off with my son after the surgery...(pain medicine is very helpful but only a temporary solution)