"...The tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom He hath chosen, because of their faith..." ( 1 Nephi 1:20)

Sometimes as a parent, or even as a human being, I feel like I am walking around in the wilderness. I know I am suppose to be a parent to the children I have, but there are times that it is so challenging and so frustrating and I really feel I have no idea what I am doing. There are also times when all I seem to do is murmur, murmur, murmur, or maybe I am just hitting my head against a brick wall, so to speak. That's not so good. So how can I handle it better? Don't know if I really handle it better, but at least I can feel like I am not wandering. Here are my thoughts.

Nephi talks about being in the wilderness (see 1 Nephi 17:1-2). Laman and Lemuel also talk about being in the wilderness (1 Nephi 17:20) and boy are their attitudes extremely different about the exact same experiences. I know that sometimes I murmur as I feel like I have "wandered in the wilderness these many years" (1 Nephi 17:20) of parenting and living...but in reality, I haven't been wandering. "I was [and continue to be] led by the Spirit, not knowing before hand the things which I should do" (1 Nephi 4:6). There is an element of faith in parenting and in living, even becoming a parent takes faith, especially in these days of not knowing before hand what to expect with all that is going to happen. Faith is in incredible power and we get to teach faith to our children and as we do so, we are lifted and strengthened. Elder Russel M. Nelson said, "Let [your children] feel your faith, even when sore trials come upon you. Let your faith be focused on our loving Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. Teach that faith with deep conviction. Teach each precious boy or girl that he or she is a child of God, created in His image, with a sacred purpose and potential. Each is born with challenges to overcome and faith to be developed" (Face the Future with Faith).

Trials or afflictions come in all shapes and sizes. Nephi, a prophet, said this about afflictions, "...[I have] seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless,  [I have] been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea,  [I have] had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God" (1 Nephi 1:1 italics added). Note the "nevertheless". He didn't focus on the afflictions. He had them, but, he saw them as blessings, not just as trials. He also said, "I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom He hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20). The tender mercies are over all of us when we seek the Lord. He is standing by to guide us and lead us through our "wilderness". We don't need to just wander about aimlessly wondering if we are doing any good or stay in pain or continue to do the same things and expect different results. When  there is a "mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Mosiah 5:2) we will have a remarkable change take place. This change comes as we let our faith grow, and deepen in our Savior who is "mighty to save" (Isaiah 63:1, 2 Nephi 31:19, Alma 34:18).

Nephi's trials weren't trials of pain to him, but they became blessings. He recognized "the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom He hath chosen, because of their faith" ( 1 Nephi 1:20). The Lord's tender mercies are over all, not just parents. But all His children who choose to exercise faith in Him. Christ wants, in fact, He is waiting to bless us. He says, "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you" (Moroni 7:26). And about our trials and afflictions He says, "...All things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good" (D&C 98:3). He's not going to let our challenges go to waste, but we might...we might if we turn away from God and murmur and complain and whine and become bitter.

But we don't need to become bitter. The joy is real. The joy is that there really is a Savior. We don't have to wander in the "wilderness" for nothing. "Have faith, have hope, live like His Son, help others on their way" (He Sent His Son, #34). The wilderness is but a testing ground for us to learn to listen to His voice, to recognize when He is calling to us (see D&C 88:66). He is calling us, "Come, follow me" (Luke 18:22) because He is the Light in the wilderness. He will lead us along. We need not fear or stay stuck where we are, or even keep murmuring, because those trials really are blessings in disguise. This I testify.

"Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev. 2:10)

I have wondered about suffering. I don't like to see others suffer. I have a hard time watching anyone go through pain of any kind. I give money to others probably too readily. My husband is good about making me not bankrupt us, which would be a whole other problem if I did give it all away. So, why suffering? It can't be all bad either, because if there is one thing I have also noticed is that everyone suffers. Let me restate that. EVERYONE suffers. No matter how rich, how poor, how healthy, how smart, how good, no matter...everyone suffers.

So my question is, is there a point in suffering? I think there is and it is pretty simple really. It comes back to choice for me. With suffering there are really only two choices. The two choices are 1)Will I allow myself to draw closer to my Savior, the One who knows suffering, and suffered for everyone or 2) Will I become angry, bitter or indifferent because of my suffering and draw farther away from Him who has the power to make me greater than I can become without the trial of suffering.

As I look back over my life and the various things I have suffered, I realize that every time I went through something there was a better outcome than I had thought. Not necessarily financially better, or even physically better, but I have always found greater peace, more love in the long run, more compassion for others in the long run, and ultimately, more joy. In some cases, I am still waiting for those wonderful blessings, but I know they will come. They always do. The trick is to remember that my timing isn't always His timing (see D&C 64:32).

I think the scary thing is when I try to compare my suffering with someone else’s suffering. My pregnancies are pretty bad; I have what is called "hyper-emesis". It is a fancy way of saying "throwing up a ton". Each pregnancy was different...and my youngest son's was by far the worst, in terms of puking. But as I hear of other women who have the same thing, I keep my mouth shut because there is no contest when it comes to suffering. Pain is pain. I think what suffering can teach me is compassion for others. The trick isn't to say, "Well I puked way more than you did", but to say, "I am so sorry you suffered", even if they only puked once! The reason why...because this is what Christ taught. He taught that we should "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9). We all need comfort. Throwing money at the problem isn't always the solution either. But love, a kind word, a hug, even a smile..."When you have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me" (Matt. 25:40).

Christ, who suffered more than anyone of us could ever imagine, doesn't turn us away in our pain. He comforts us and loves us. He knows exactly what we need to suffer so that we can practice those Christ like qualities that are in us and we need to refine. So, when I have the grouchy child at home who is refusing to do his homework, and I am in pain because of a headache, or whatever it is that I am suffering...it is a perfect time to practice developing my Christ-like qualities.

I know there is peace and joy for those who suffer.  We truly have need "fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev. 2:10). "For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1:7). To not fear, I am not perfect, but I am working on it and I know it is true and it works...this I testify!