Sometimes I get so grouchy and grumpy. My poor family gets the brunt of it, of course. I put on a happy face for the public and then hide in the safety of my home, a place of refuge and honestly, my true identity. I hope that I am able to also let my family know I appreciate how much they mean to me...especially when it comes to letting me be me. I am not always the most pleasant person to be around, tired and hungry aren't a great combination with me (they can testify of that), especially on long trips. Also, after a day when past terrors are hashed over and over, unbeknownst by well meaning people who just want to share their own experiences or stories of their own terrors with bad dragons in their own lives. On days like today, I became the ogre that should have just stayed in her cave and never came out. But I came out anyway. (Good thing I didn't have a head ache to go with it.)
It's on days like today that I really fight the darkness. I don't like darkness. It can be so black. So, on days like today I look for Light. It is always there. Some days, I just have to look a little closer, or take a little more time to SEE. Seeing in the dark is difficult when I put blinders on by my own anger or my own self pity. (Man, can pity really get me sometimes....and then the crying starts, I am not such a pretty sight.)
Okay...I need to find Light. Here is my Light list for today. Jeffrey- the love of my life. He is funny, honest, ever so patient with me and my mood swings. I am so grateful that I have him as a source of Light. He is more than I ever dreamed of in a husband, best friend, and lover. He is fabulous (understatement)! My children- I could name them one by one, but I won't, simply for privacy sake. Each of them help lift me and teach me. I learn as I go as a parent and I am ever so grateful they are so forgiving. They Light up my day with good news, stories of things that have happened, and mostly themselves. They are true blessings in my life! Scriptures- I have to list them because without them...I honestly don't know where I would be. I constantly find Light in them every time I read. They are life blood for me. They bring me peace, insight, a calmness that can't be described, and a communication with God that is honest and open. I love the scriptures! My family and friends-I am truly blessed to be surrounded by Light from these precious souls. I am so grateful that I have them in my life. They have saved mine many a time, definitely unbeknownst to them. I am grateful for the Light of those who choose to not only listen to the Spirit, but also to act upon the prompting given to them to call, or email me or some small act of service, such as sharing a thought they have read in a book or just saying, “Hi, how are you doing” and sincerely meaning it. Honestly, "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Alma 37:6.
I may be grouchy and a bit (okay, really) annoyed tonight, but I am so grateful for all the Light in my life! What an incredible life I have. I guess it is normal to have a bad day every once in a while...or perhaps more than that. But it doesn't mean I have to focus on the dark. Nope. I will focus on the Light. Christ said, "The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when you shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him. Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you, and that you are in me; otherwise ye could not abound" D&C 88:49-50. Christ is the Light that is all of us. I will keep looking for that light that shines in the darkness. It lights up my day...even on the darkest of days (those are hard days and I would prefer to not have them, but I don't always get my way.) Aside from the dark days...life really is good, and that would be most of the time. This I testify.
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