"...The tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom He hath chosen, because of their faith..." ( 1 Nephi 1:20)

Sometimes as a parent, or even as a human being, I feel like I am walking around in the wilderness. I know I am suppose to be a parent to the children I have, but there are times that it is so challenging and so frustrating and I really feel I have no idea what I am doing. There are also times when all I seem to do is murmur, murmur, murmur, or maybe I am just hitting my head against a brick wall, so to speak. That's not so good. So how can I handle it better? Don't know if I really handle it better, but at least I can feel like I am not wandering. Here are my thoughts.

Nephi talks about being in the wilderness (see 1 Nephi 17:1-2). Laman and Lemuel also talk about being in the wilderness (1 Nephi 17:20) and boy are their attitudes extremely different about the exact same experiences. I know that sometimes I murmur as I feel like I have "wandered in the wilderness these many years" (1 Nephi 17:20) of parenting and living...but in reality, I haven't been wandering. "I was [and continue to be] led by the Spirit, not knowing before hand the things which I should do" (1 Nephi 4:6). There is an element of faith in parenting and in living, even becoming a parent takes faith, especially in these days of not knowing before hand what to expect with all that is going to happen. Faith is in incredible power and we get to teach faith to our children and as we do so, we are lifted and strengthened. Elder Russel M. Nelson said, "Let [your children] feel your faith, even when sore trials come upon you. Let your faith be focused on our loving Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. Teach that faith with deep conviction. Teach each precious boy or girl that he or she is a child of God, created in His image, with a sacred purpose and potential. Each is born with challenges to overcome and faith to be developed" (Face the Future with Faith).

Trials or afflictions come in all shapes and sizes. Nephi, a prophet, said this about afflictions, "...[I have] seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless,  [I have] been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea,  [I have] had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God" (1 Nephi 1:1 italics added). Note the "nevertheless". He didn't focus on the afflictions. He had them, but, he saw them as blessings, not just as trials. He also said, "I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom He hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20). The tender mercies are over all of us when we seek the Lord. He is standing by to guide us and lead us through our "wilderness". We don't need to just wander about aimlessly wondering if we are doing any good or stay in pain or continue to do the same things and expect different results. When  there is a "mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Mosiah 5:2) we will have a remarkable change take place. This change comes as we let our faith grow, and deepen in our Savior who is "mighty to save" (Isaiah 63:1, 2 Nephi 31:19, Alma 34:18).

Nephi's trials weren't trials of pain to him, but they became blessings. He recognized "the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom He hath chosen, because of their faith" ( 1 Nephi 1:20). The Lord's tender mercies are over all, not just parents. But all His children who choose to exercise faith in Him. Christ wants, in fact, He is waiting to bless us. He says, "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you" (Moroni 7:26). And about our trials and afflictions He says, "...All things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good" (D&C 98:3). He's not going to let our challenges go to waste, but we might...we might if we turn away from God and murmur and complain and whine and become bitter.

But we don't need to become bitter. The joy is real. The joy is that there really is a Savior. We don't have to wander in the "wilderness" for nothing. "Have faith, have hope, live like His Son, help others on their way" (He Sent His Son, #34). The wilderness is but a testing ground for us to learn to listen to His voice, to recognize when He is calling to us (see D&C 88:66). He is calling us, "Come, follow me" (Luke 18:22) because He is the Light in the wilderness. He will lead us along. We need not fear or stay stuck where we are, or even keep murmuring, because those trials really are blessings in disguise. This I testify.

"The Lord is good to all: and His tender mercies are over all His works" (Psalms 145:9)

I am so grateful I find peace when I am so angry I could rip someone's head off...okay, not literally, by reading the scriptures. We have a child that has a mild form of autism. We just recently learned this and it has been a blessing to receive this knowledge. The scriptures helped me to have the strength and understanding that we will be able to help our son regardless of how blind others choose to remain. I know that anger isn't a way to solve a problem. It isn't the way to relieve frustration, even though it may seem to be a quick fix. Anger usually just causes more pain (and I was pretty angry at how close minded/blind people can be). I am so grateful for the example of prophets and apostles, living and from the scriptures, because they testify of Christ and teach me how to handle challenges and affliction, or perhaps just deal with my anger and therefore "...the grace of God" may be and [and is able to] abide in [me]" (see Ether 12:41).

I had never really noticed all these years that I have read The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ that Nephi, a prophet, starts by not only saying he was raised by "goodly parents", but that he had "seen many afflictions in the course of his days" (1 Nephi 1:1). Even prophets are not exempt from trials and afflictions. The last verse of that same chapter explains how Nephi sees and learns from his afflictions. He says, "I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20). Nephi doesn't say that the problems went away, but that he  focuses on the "tender mercies of the Lord". Tender mercies come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes making us "mighty even unto the power of deliverance"; other times, giving us the power to endure and to make our burdens lighter, so much so  that the Lord will "strengthen [us] that [we can] bear up [our] burdens with ease, and [we will] submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15).

Sometimes the tender mercies lead us to deliverance by giving us the strength to endure, not necessarily taking the problem away. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "The Atonement ...gives us the strength to endure 'pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind,' because our Savior also took upon Him 'the pains and the sicknesses of his people' (Alma 7:11). Brothers and sisters, if your faith and prayers and the power of the priesthood do not heal you from an affliction, the power of the Atonement will surely give you the strength to bear the burden" (He Heals the Heavy Laden). Over the years I have prayed for understanding, wisdom, knowledge, guidance, help, and much more as a parent. Being able to help a child who needs some extra attention, but not knowing what we were dealing with has led to a lot of frustration and anger. As times, I thought I would have to just give up, but that isn't a good solution, nor is it an option. In the end, I have always been given the strength to endure. As parents, we need strength to endure all things because, truly, "we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things" (Article of Faith 13). The only way to be able to endure parenting with joy, or any trial for that matter, is to rely upon the Savior.

As a mother with a child who has autism, unbeknownst to me, but I knew that something wasn't "right" with my child, I have struggled and struggled for years to "help" him. It hasn't been easy. People expect him, and I expected him, to act like my other children in various situations, and he didn't behave/respond the same, no matter how many times we asked, threatened, helped, encouraged, taught, loved, him to do differently. The tender mercies of the Lord have been with us the whole time as we have tried to guide our son. He is an incredible child of God. He is loving and kind, brilliant, and filled with joy and enthusiasm for life. The wonderful mercy that has been given us wasn't having our son changed to "normal" (whatever normal is), but having us change, and continue to be changed. We are more patient (and get to learn more patience as we help others learn to help our son), more understanding of other people and the challenges they are faced with, more forgiving. I'm not a perfect parent/person, and I continue to learn every day and pray as the Psalmst, "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions" (Psalms 51:1), because boy do I make a lot of mistakes trying to help my children. And God does hear and answers my prayers. He loves His children- "The Lord is good to all: and His tender mercies are over all His works" (Psalms 145:9). I am so grateful for the grace of Jesus Christ. Without it, I don't know where I would be. I realized one day that I do my best as a parent and then I have to leave the rest up to Him (see 2 Nephi 25:23). That is grace in full action! What a tender mercy to give to all His children- grace.

There are times in our lives when we are like Nephi and are asked to "return to Jerusalem" (1 Nephi 3:2) even when we already left everything behind (see 1 Nephi 2:4), or so we thought. Sometimes, we have to "return" because we have more to learn, things so precious that it effects our future and the future of our children (see 1 Nephi 3:19-20). Life is guaranteed to have affliction. We are told, "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days" (D&C 24:8). We can be as Nephi who responded with "I will go and do" because, just as he had faith to go, we too will "know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them" (1 Nephi 3:7). The way is prepared...Jesus showed us the way, because He is "the way" (John 14:6). We can do it, even on the days that are really hard, and those days we are really angry. "His tender mercies are over all His works" (Psalms 145:9) ~this includes you and me. This I testify.