"Be ye mindful..." (1 Chronicles 16:15)

I haven't written much in the past couple of years. Without sharing all the "stuff" that has happened, let me just say it has been rough. Yet, I know that we all have "stuff", and some of that stuff is really BIG and painful, and sad, and lots of hurting, and sorrow-full...BUT, there are also small moments of calm, and pleasantness, and happiness, and cheer, even delight. Indeed, "there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11).

Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about mindfulness. What does it mean to be mindful? For me, it has come to mean that I purposely pay attention to what I am experiencing. And as I do so, I do it without finding fault or being critical of my experience. It is a way of experiencing what is (see Jacob 4:13; D&C 93:24), rather than allowing my mind to make up stories and lead me down a path of despair. 

I become aware of my breath (see Mosiah 2:21), slowing down and paying attention to the air that fills my lungs and then paying attention to the air as it leaves. Doing this brings my mind to the present moment quickly, it lowers the heart rate, it helps control my thoughts. It helps stop the train wreck thinking, the thinking that runs away with the worst-case scenarios ever! It brings me back to the present, to what is happening at the moment.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

God wants us to be mindful of Him and His ways. In 1 Chronicles it says, "Be ye mindful always of His covenant; the word which He commanded to a thousand generations" (1 Chronicles 16:15). Paul wrote to Timothy, "I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day; Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy" (2 Timothy 1:3-4 italics added). I am praying for you. I know God is aware of your pain, and your life. He is mindful of you always.

God uses mindfulness to help us stay present in Him. The prophets say, "The Lord hath been mindful of us: He will bless us (Psalm 115:12). And He does.  I have learned that I get to choose what I will focus on when difficult times hit our home and family (see 2 Nephi 2:27). I get to decide if I will focus on the pain or on the healing. They are both present, it's just a matter of what I want to give attention to, allowing the experiences to pass through me rather than gripping them and causing more pain.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10; D&C 101:16). This has become a mantra I think as I breathe in, "Be still", and as I breathe out, "know ...I am God". I symbolically breathe in the calm and peace I need, and then I breathe out the trust and faith that is exercised. I invite you to give it a try- be still. Notice what IS, and enjoy the present moment.

God is present. "...There is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all." (Moses 1:6). Be still. Learn of Him, and you shall have peace (see D&C 19:23).

Breathe in..."Be Still."

Breathe out... "...know...I am God".

"...ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17)

In my scripture study today a new thought came to me as I read a scripture that I have read many, many times. The scripture is Mosiah 2:17. "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God".

By serving others I serve God. God, He is the Creator of heaven and earth. The God who knows all things, and has all wisdom, even so much that I cannot comprehend all that He has done and will do for us (see Mosiah 4:9) He is the Creator of my body, the Father of my soul. How could I possibly serve Him who needs nothing and has everything? He simply wants me to serve Him by serving others. Why? I think it's about love.

I continue to ponder this humbling gift I can offer the King of Kings (see Revelations 17:14). Most kings want money, they want power, they often tax their people heavily and live lives of luxury and... some would confine their people "in dungeons..." or would have them "murder, or plunder, or steal, or commit adultery; or that [they] should commit any manner of wickedness" (Mosiah 2:12-13). But what Jesus Christ, the "Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6) asks of us is so simple and good: "Love Me, Love your neighbor as yourself" (see Matthew 22:36-40).

When I ponder serving my God, I view this command from Him very differently. He says, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren ye have done it unto me" (Matthew 25:40). Thinking about how I treat others...it's how I would treat Him.

This thought has caused me to pause and ponder my own behavior. I can love and serve with more kindness, more patience. I can forgive more quickly and let go of the need to be "right". I want to serve Him, even Jesus Christ, my God, my King (see Sweet is the Work). Therefore, I will keep trying to serve others. I am eternally indebted to Him who gave His life for me, and for you. Go and serve one another. It's how Jesus Christ wants us to serve Him. 

This delicious cinnamon roll was given to me by our neighbor. They continue to serve me and my family in many sweet ways! Thank you for serving us...and therefore serving God. 

Remember- you are so loved! Keep up the Great Work!

“Come Follow Me”

My feet
walk with pain
but I try not to notice
Pain that was worse
but is getting better
I hope.

I walk
one foot in front of the other,
grateful I can move.

CRPS has taught me
to be grateful
to give thanks for small things
to expect miracles
to endure
to look for the good
to see the joy in the journey
I learn that pain is not constant
but ebbs and flows
as an ocean flows to the shore
and back out to sea again
ebbs and flows

I breathe in
I breathe out
one breath is not like the other
each one different
each moment of pain
is different than the next
Miracles happen
Pain subsides

Christ has carried my pain
He said He would carry my pain
He said, Let it pass through you,
Do not hold onto it.

He is carrying my pain.
He calls to me,
Come!
Follow Me.

Jesus Carries His Cross symbolic of carrying our pain

I will carry your pain,
but you must choose to trust Me.

I will carry your pain.
Let it pass through you.

I let go of the boat and step out
onto the water
One foot in front of the other
one step at a time
I do not sink
I follow Him.
Christ carries my pain.

I walk
one foot in front of the other,
grateful I can move.

"...Always Remember Him" (D&C 20:77,79)

Me and my nephew James, who is loved and missed!

Death. It's so final. It's difficult to describe the suffering that comes when a loved one dies. Especially when they die unexpectedly.

I have always been afraid of the pain that accompanies the death of a loved one. Grief is such a heavy burden to bear, even more so when I am alone. When I only focus on the loss, the separation that death brings with it, the cross of grief is unbearable.

When Jesus' dear friend Lazarus had died, Lazarus' sister, Martha, said to Him, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died". Jesus first tries to comfort her by saying, "Thy brother shall rise again". I love that Martha responds by sharing her faith and belief with Jesus, "I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day." (John 11). I too know this, that I shall see my loved ones again at the resurrection. But I feel overwhelming grief at this separation that came so unexpectedly.

As the conversation continues between Jesus and Martha, He also testifies of His power and light. "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die." (John 11:25)

When death comes to a loved one, faith is tried and tested. Grief clouds my thoughts and makes my heart heavy. I have a difficult time seeing through the darkness that has accompanied this death.

Christ asks, "Believest though this?" I must ask myself, do I believe Christ? Do I believe that death is not the end? Do I believe that those who live and believe in Christ "never die"? Death is a great test of faith for all of us.

As Jesus goes with Mary and Martha to the tomb of Lazarus a crowd follows. What is the Savior's response? Does He say, "I have this covered. Don't cry. Don't mourn"? No. He cares for them as a dear friend would care.

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

"Jesus wept" (John 11:35).

He felt their loss. He felt their grief. He had compassion for them. He cried with them.

If I focus on grief, I cannot bear this cross of pain and suffering (see Be Still, My Soul). It is too painful. It is too heavy (Matthew 11:28).

I am not alone in my grief. And I want to bear it well (see 2 Nephi 9:18). How can I do this? How can I get through this loss of life, the loss of all the memories that will not be...

I force my focus to shift from grief to hope in the Savior.

I practice focusing on Jesus Christ by looking to the "light which shineth," which gives me and you light (D&C 88:11). The light is that death is not the end. The light is the small blessings of comfort extended by friends, loved ones, and even more, the love God has for all of us.

As I focus on Christ I can see! I am able to endure the darkness of death and loss of life. My burden is made lighter (in weight and in brightness).

I can bear this cross as I stay focused on the Savior. He saves me from being lost in grief.

The Resurrected Christ, by Wilson J. Ong 

Jesus Christ is the resurrection (Helaman 14:15-17), it's in Him that I can live, I can endure (see Philippians 4:13) and have hope (see 1 Thessalonians 1:3).

It's through Christ, and because of Christ that I can endure all things (see Philippians 4:13), even the unexpected death of a loved one.

Every week I covenant to "always remember Him" (Moroni 4-5; see also D&C 20:77, 79). I am learning to do this more.

I am becoming better at remembering, as I bear my cross of grief and pain (see Be Still, My Soul).

"... the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land..." (Ether 6:5)

There is an incredible analogy in Ether chapter 6. As I read it I felt like it was describing 2018 for me. This has been my experience, using the words from Ether:

"...they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind" (Ether 6:6). 

Being buried in the "depths of the sea" over and over, I am impressed by what was pushing them forward in their journey. It was the wind! "The wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind" (Ether 6:8). Even when we feel as though we are drowning, or that perhaps we are constantly being hit with "mountain waves", God has a plan and is "blowing" us forward, towards the "promised land". I know it is sometimes through our trials in which we are blown forward. I'll be honest, knowing this, doesn't make it any easier. Wind, fierce wind, is hard to be in and can cause horrendous damage.

Nevertheless, as I was "...driven forth; ...no monster of the sea could could break [me], neither whale that could mar [me]; and [I] did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water" (Ether 6:10). God does and will continue to give me, and you, light even when we may feel as though we are "under the water". I love the phrase, "no monster could break them" (Ether 6:10). There were moments when I was not sure I could handle another "drop" on top of what I was already experiencing. But then, after changing my prayers from the demand, "...take away this cup from me" to "nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt" (Mark 14:36; see also Matt 26:39, 42), I would be given (and continue to be given) the strength needed to go forward another day, and sometimes another moment. 

As I was buried in a sea of challenges, which I felt on all sides, I prayed more, prayed differently, and expressed gratitude over and over to my Father in Heaven just as the people of the brother of Jared did. "And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord" (Ether 6:9). When I was "encompassed about by many waters [I] did cry unto the Lord, and He did bring [me] forth again upon the top of the waters" (Ether 6:7). As I expressed gratitude for the blessings that He was constantly giving me rather than focusing on troubles that surround me I became more aware of just how much He was truly there with me.

One analogy which took on a new insight for me was the phrase "tight like unto a dish". The verse reads: "...when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and He did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters" (Ether 6:7). Being "tight like unto a dish" is being sealed, safe and secure. No contents fall out of a tightly sealed jar. I have pondered about being "tight" and I realize that my conversations with God through my prayers and scripture study, and keeping my covenants were symbolic of being "tight". We sometimes, in describing a relationship, use the phrase "we are tight". I want to be "tight" with God. So tight, that when I am "buried in the deep" water there will be no water, nor trial, nor flooding- that could hurt me spiritually.

I want you to know that I know God truly cares about what happens and is happening to us. He loves us so very much! He is aware of us and He is the "wind" which is pushing us, and guiding us towards the promised land- to be with Him again. That's what good parents do for us, they love us and guide us, and help us whether we are below or above the water. This I testify.