"Be ye mindful..." (1 Chronicles 16:15)

I haven't written much in the past couple of years. Without sharing all the "stuff" that has happened, let me just say it has been rough. Yet, I know that we all have "stuff", and some of that stuff is really BIG and painful, and sad, and lots of hurting, and sorrow-full...BUT, there are also small moments of calm, and pleasantness, and happiness, and cheer, even delight. Indeed, "there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11).

Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about mindfulness. What does it mean to be mindful? For me, it has come to mean that I purposely pay attention to what I am experiencing. And as I do so, I do it without finding fault or being critical of my experience. It is a way of experiencing what is (see Jacob 4:13; D&C 93:24), rather than allowing my mind to make up stories and lead me down a path of despair. 

I become aware of my breath (see Mosiah 2:21), slowing down and paying attention to the air that fills my lungs and then paying attention to the air as it leaves. Doing this brings my mind to the present moment quickly, it lowers the heart rate, it helps control my thoughts. It helps stop the train wreck thinking, the thinking that runs away with the worst-case scenarios ever! It brings me back to the present, to what is happening at the moment.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

God wants us to be mindful of Him and His ways. In 1 Chronicles it says, "Be ye mindful always of His covenant; the word which He commanded to a thousand generations" (1 Chronicles 16:15). Paul wrote to Timothy, "I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day; Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy" (2 Timothy 1:3-4 italics added). I am praying for you. I know God is aware of your pain, and your life. He is mindful of you always.

God uses mindfulness to help us stay present in Him. The prophets say, "The Lord hath been mindful of us: He will bless us (Psalm 115:12). And He does.  I have learned that I get to choose what I will focus on when difficult times hit our home and family (see 2 Nephi 2:27). I get to decide if I will focus on the pain or on the healing. They are both present, it's just a matter of what I want to give attention to, allowing the experiences to pass through me rather than gripping them and causing more pain.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10; D&C 101:16). This has become a mantra I think as I breathe in, "Be still", and as I breathe out, "know ...I am God". I symbolically breathe in the calm and peace I need, and then I breathe out the trust and faith that is exercised. I invite you to give it a try- be still. Notice what IS, and enjoy the present moment.

God is present. "...There is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all." (Moses 1:6). Be still. Learn of Him, and you shall have peace (see D&C 19:23).

Breathe in..."Be Still."

Breathe out... "...know...I am God".

"God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27)

I have been at war for far too long. I have been battling the belief that my body is "fat", "ugly", "overweight", that I am not beautiful. It is a never ending assault on what is real. I  have fought to believe and see that my body is beautiful in any way. I am realizing more and more that I am not alone in this battle that is wreaking havoc on how we, as a society, view and treat the human body. Being bombarded with messages that one is too big, not thin enough, not light or dark enough, has the wrong hair color or style, needs longer eyelashes, or perhaps even more "painting" on the perfect masterpiece (for we are masterpieces!!) makes one doubt that they could possibly be beautiful. So we are told and sold on the ideas that we just need to do "more"- more "painting", more exercise (don't get me wrong, I like exercise, but to excess, not good), cut a little here, or snip a little there, and before you know it, we are a completely different person than who we really are, and not any more at peace than before all the work, time, money, heartache, and "change".

I'll be honest, the inner battle can be relentless. I have said some of the most unkind, belittling, mean, and degrading things to myself- about me. I am actually embarrassed by some of the things I have said about myself. Also, I have hated my body to the point of saying and believing that, "I am not my body". Well, I am wrong. Very wrong!

I am my body! We are our bodies! We can't divorce our bodies. We are taught, "the spirit and the body are the soul of man" (D&C 88:15). I have been horribly mistaken in hating my body, always degrading it and finding fault with it. The one being, who would would like us to believe that our bodies are ugly or to hate them doesn't even have a body (Satan), and so he celebrates when we hate our bodies or are envious of other peoples bodies. Part of the challenge in this life  is to not only love our bodies (not in the worshipping sort of way where we are always working out or are fixated on the number of calories we eat or burn, or worried so much about how we look that we can only "see" ourselves and not for what we really are), but to know the truth -which is "knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24).

The truth about our bodies is that "God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27; see also Moses 2:27). That's a pretty powerful truth! We are not made after the image in a magazine. The value and identity of who we really are is an eternal truth. The prophets testify and teach of this truth today. We are taught: "All human beings- male and female- are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). As I seek to understand and really apply this knowledge about being created in the image of God and that I have a divine nature and destiny I am able to see with new eyes the human body. It is a masterpiece for us to "perform our labors" while here on this earth (Alma 34:32). The body makes it possible for us to learn of Christ, and become like Him. It is not something to hate, degrade, loath, or any such horrors. Rather, it is a temple of God, a sacred edifice that houses the spirit of God, which temple we are (see 1 Cor. 3:16-17)!

Another amazing truth is that our bodies will eventually be resurrected after we die. This means that "the spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form" (see Alma 11:43). Now, this resurrection, or "this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but everything shall be restored to its perfect frame" (Alma 11:44). This is the truth about our bodies "as they are to come" (D&C 93:24)

Okay, so why in the world are we so mean and belittling of such an incredible gift from God, even when we know the truth? I have and continue to practice (remember, I'm a practicing christian, not a perfect one) on viewing my body as it "really is". Here's one thought that I continue to ponder that helps me see my body as it really is.

The truth is we are commanded to "love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt. 19:19; D&C 59:6; Leviticus 19:18). I would never speak to a neighbor like the way I have spoken to myself, ever! When I started thinking about how I talk to myself and the commandment to love my neighbor as myself, I knew that I needed to be more patient, kind, loving, and forgiving of myself and of my body! As women and men of God we seek to be more Christlike in our actions and thoughts, this would include being more Christlike in our attitudes towards our own bodies and ourselves. No one has a "perfect" body. (What is the perfect body anyway? A size, shape, color, what?) Actually, our bodies are the perfect setting for us to learn and prepare to meet God... and it definitely has nothing to do with size, shape, or color. Elder David A. Bednar said,

"Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal existence. Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and act in accordance with truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In the school of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, "according to the flesh" (1 Nephi 19:6; Alma 7:12-13) (We Believe in Being Chaste).  

As I fight the war to love my body, and to see the truth of this beautiful temple I have been given, I realize that I am not alone, and neither are you. We are in this fight against the false idea that we are not our bodies and that we are less than enough. We are created in the "image of God"(Genesis 1:27) , the Master Himself! As we ask to see with new eyes the truth about our bodies, "things as they are, as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24) and as we live the commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves, we will win this war. Yes, we shall "come off conqueror, yea, that [we] may conquer Satan" (D&C 10:5).


Pictures of me. I will continue to fight the war that is full of false truths...and I shall come off conqueror! Love your body and love yourself...you are created in the image of God.

Learning to appreciate the temple I have been given 

the truth: we will all be resurrected! 

So grateful for a body to ride my trike! 

My beautiful daughter, our neighbor or son from another mother when he got home from his mission, and me.