"Doubt not, but be believing" (Mormon 9:27)

I have to share my thoughts about a couple of scriptures that really struck a chord with me. The first is Mormon 9:26 (italics added): "And now, behold, who can stand against the works of the Lord? Who can deny His sayings? Who will rise up against the almighty power of the Lord? Who will despise the works of the Lord? Who will despise the children of Christ? Behold all ye who are despisers of the works of the Lord, for ye shall wonder and perish.

Despise is to "look down on with contempt or aversion. And to regard as negligible, worthless, or distasteful." (Merriam-Webster). At a time when there are so many people talking about acceptance of others, or the need to be tolerant, none of us want to put ourselves in the category of being one who "despises". But I ask, are you? This is a hard question to ask oneself. It is something we must each ponder individually and then be totally honest with ourselves about our own behavior. I love that Mormon asks if we not only despise the children of God, but also, do we despise the works of God? How are you doing in that category?  This statement, made by a prophet of God, is a good one to ponder about gender: "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose" (The Family: a Proclamation to the World). Do we despise this work of the Lord? How about marriage between a man and a woman? These are good questions to ask ourselves and seek for God's help in understanding them and all of His works.

The word wonder also caught my attention. It isn't wander, like being lost. It is wonder, as in doubt and uncertainty (see Merriam-Webster). Those who despise or hate or dislike the works of God or the children of God will wonder- they will doubt and be uncertain and shall "perish". Do you "wonder" if there is a God? If so, how do you seek to know if He is there? It's not wrong to have doubts, but it's what we do with our doubts and how we address them that make all the difference.

So what is the solution to wondering and despising? The next verse has a wonderful answer. It reads: "O then despise not, and wonder not, but hearken unto the words of the Lord, and ask the Father in the name of Jesus for what things soever ye shall stand in need. Doubt not, but be believing, and begin as in times of old, and come unto the Lord with all your heart, and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling before Him." (Mormon 9:27)

We are being invited to "despise not, and wonder not" and replace those behaviors with the action to "hearken" - which is to "give respectful attention, to give heed to" (Merriam-Webster). Mormon also invites us to "ask the Father in the name of Jesus for what things soever we shall stand in need". Ask! He doesn't say, quit thinking, just obey.  Rather he invites us to the best solution- which is to ask for the things we need. Sometimes the things we need are compassion, understanding, kindness, patience, or perhaps even a new heart.

How often has someone whom you disagree with, invited you to ask for anything you stand in need and that it will be given to you? The way of God is to extend the hand of mercy, "His hand is stretched out still" (Isaiah 9:12). One must take notice of the footnote to this phrase. It says: "In spite of all, the Lord is available if they will turn to Him", (see also verses 17, 21). He is asking us to "come unto [Him]". He wants us to be able to feel His love for us as we come unto Him by serving and helping others, by making and keeping covenants. We all get to decide how we want to "work out" our salvation.

One last thought. God wants us to know, to understand, and to believe truth. In order to do this we must first let go of our doubts and open our hearts with faith, believing we will receive all that we desire for our good (see Mosiah 4:21, James 4:2-3). I love this encouragement from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf: "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith" (Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf). I love that he invites us to let faith lead us when we have doubts. I feel it takes a lot of courage to move forward when one has doubts. God will help us with anything we need clarity. Anything! That's pretty awesome, if you ask me.

"Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things..." Alma 32:21

Today, I am pondering faith a bit. "Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; ...if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21). Some things are true that I cannot see with my physical eyes. I can't see the wind, but there is evidence of the wind. I see the evidence of the wind as it blows  leaves off of trees and at times, gently caresses my skin and ruffles my hair.

As I have pondered things that are true, but I can't see, I have also thought about learning. I have to ask myself, am I willing to learn all that God wants me to learn, even when I can't see the end from the beginning? What about from all sources? Am I willing to learn His ways through enduring all things? Am I willing to "...seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (D&C 88:118).

This leads me to ponder about being humble and teachable. I ask, how humble am I, really? "...for I verily believe that there are some among you who would humble themselves, let them be in whatsoever circumstances they might [be in]" (Alma 32:25). And there are some who, no matter what their circumstances, no matter their suffering, they want a sign, saying: "If thou wilt show unto us a sign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety; then we shall believe" (Alma 32:18). But, receiving a "sign" requires no faith. On the other hand, "ye shall receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6). In other words, faith proceeds the miracle. I continue to work on this.

Some days can be so difficult that thoughts of quitting tease and taunt me. But I don't quit. And I don't give up. I keep believing and having faith in a loving God (see 1 John 4:16; Ephesians 2:4), who is "merciful unto all who believe on His name" (Alma 32:22). I believe and have faith that there is something more to this life than enduring pain or seeing others suffer (see Luke 12:23). In those times of pain and suffering that don't make sense it is through faith that I can say as Nephi: "I know that He loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things" (1 Nephi 11:17). I know in the long run, things always work out...perhaps not as I thought they would, but they always work out.

Am I humble enough to trust God, to have faith in His plan? Especially when things aren't going according to my plan. God's plan is one of happiness (see Alma 42:8). It is one of great joy! His plan is one of choice, we get to choose and receive what our hearts truly desire (see 2 Nephi 2:27-30). Perhaps some do not desire to be like God, "pure even as He is pure". And that is what some people choose. "Remember that [we] are free to act for [ourselves] -to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life" (2 Nephi 2:23). We can choose to put our faith in Jesus Christ, our Creator and our Savior. We can choose to have faith that He knows exactly what we need to learn, and what we need to endure so that we be prepared for that "great and coming day" (3 Nephi 28:31).

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). Having faith, for me, is to put my trust in the God that I see in His creations all around me. To trust Him enough to never quit, never give up, no matter how hard or how painful it may be. This I testify.

I see God in all the amazing creations I get to enjoy on a daily basis

His love is even shown in the details of every flower. Look at those peppers! What beauty and creativity!

I see Him in all He creates for my joy and comfort.

"The decisions of [the family]... are to be made in all righteousness..." (D&C 107:30)

As I have raised my children I have always used the phrase, "Make good choices". For me, making good choices is a way of making decisions. Pres. Thomas S. Monson said, "Decisions determine destiny".

In my scripture study the other day I read a couple of verses that started me pondering about the role of patience in making decisions. As I have applied this scripture to myself, a quorum being "a particularly chosen group" (quorum), could be applied to a family (or any other group). Thus, for personal purposes I put in the word "family" in place of quorum. The scripture is this:

"The decisions of [the family]... are to be made in all righteousness, in holiness, and lowliness of heart, meekness and long suffering, and in faith, and virtue, and knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness and charity. Because the promise is, if these things abound in them they shall not be unfruitful in the knowledge of the Lord" (D&C 107:30-31). 

This started me to think about how I make decisions and that I sometimes make them in a heightened emotional state. What if I really tried to be conscious of how I made my decisions and choices? To think that I would make a decision "made in all holiness", or "in faith and virtue, and knowledge"? If I have faith in Christ that He knows all things and coupled that with virtue, and got all the knowledge or correct information before I made a decision, what difference would that make in my relationships, in and out of my family ties? (As I continue to study this, I am finding that I have more questions than answers...and I have a heck of a long way to go. I will continue practicing making good choices)

The one that really jumped out at me was to make decisions "in all...temperance, [in all] patience". Temperance means: "moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control"(temperance). I figure when the Lord is putting temperance and patience together, there is really a need to emphasize being in control of myself and how I treat others. I must ask myself, what kind of difference would making decisions "in all patience" make? And then I ask myself how I am actually doing in being patient in making all decisions...that's a great question for which I believe my answer will be eternally sought after.

The real blessing after applying this counsel from God is "if these things abound in [us we] shall not be unfruitful in the knowledge of the Lord"(D&C 107:31; see also 2 Peter 1:5-8). The blessing of knowing God, of learning of His ways, comes when we make decisions after His pattern, and not after the ways of man (see Isaiah 55;8-9).

I love these amazing people more than words can express

As I have added photos to this blog, I have again been hit with the love so deep and powerful for these souls, my children and my husband. I love being around them, with them, and watching them as they learn and grow, no matter their ages. And I love that with my husband, we can make decisions together "in all righteousness". The decisions I make affect my loved one. And above anything, I want them to know how much I love them. Thus I will continue to work on making good choices.

My son that is serving a mission in Argentina. I sure love him...
And miss him! Yet I know the decision to serve the Lord on a mission is the right one for him.

The decisions I make and how I make them influence these beloved souls! 

"And the large and spacious building...is the vain imaginations and the pride of the children of men" (1 Nephi 12:18)

With some of the changes that have taken place in my life I have had to change how I live and even think. I have been trying to focus on the fact that I am a human being, not a human doing. Christ prayed: "And now Father, I pray unto thee for them, and also for all those who shall believe on their words, that they may believe in me, that I may be in them as thou, Father, art in me, that we may be one" (3 Nephi 19:23 italics added). This insight about being rather than always doing has helped me see things with a new view. I hope I can share some insights from 1 Nephi 12:18 that have come from wanting to be, and not always needing to "do".

"And the large and spacious building...is the vain imaginations and the pride of the children of men. And a great and a terrible gulf divideth them; yea, even the word of the justice of the Eternal God, and the Messiah who is the Lamb of God, of whom the Holy Ghost beareth record, from the beginning of the world until this time, and from this time henceforth and forever" (1 Nephi 12:18).

I had to ask, what does "vain imaginations" mean? Vain means "excessively...concerned about one's appearance, qualities, achievements" I immediately thought of the obsession with weight in our society, or whether or not one looks good enough or the constant comparison of one's abilities or qualities. Vain also means "(3) ineffectual or unsuccessful; futile. (4) without real significance, value, or importance; baseless or worthless. (5) Archaic. senseless or foolish" (Vain). I thought of the many things that are of no real value -being angry with myself because I didn't do enough or disappointed that I can't do all I used to be able to do". These kinds of thought do not bring me closer to God. They are focused on doing enough. These thoughts are "foolish" because they are not "things as they really are" (Jacob 4:13).

And what about "imaginations"? It is "the faculty of...forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses". It is also defined  "Archaically[as]: a plan, scheme, or plot" (Imaginations). How much time is spent focusing on things that are not really "present to the senses", even the truth about ourselves (see Jacob 4:13), that we are "children of God" (Romans 8:16; 17; 21)?

Putting "vain imaginations" together made me think that the "large and spacious building" is made up of senseless and foolish plans or lack thereof. I realize that I am filled with vain imaginations. I put way too much concern or focus on baseless and worthless plans, self defeating thoughts that are not real or present. And sometimes I spend way too much time in the large and spacious building of self loathing, self defeat, or way too much time in the building of fear. Other foolish plans can include the constant need to be doing and missing the many opportunities of "being", even being kind, being patient, being still.

As I give a little more notice to what is in this verse, the "great and terrible gulf" that divides the righteous from the people in the "great and spacious building" is "the word of the justice of [God]". Sometimes, I spend so much time focused on others or my own imperfections, wasting time on things that are not present, I start to "suppose that mercy can rob justice", which is not true. "Nay; not one whit"! (Alma 42:25). It is pride that keeps me from trusting God and His "plan of mercy" (Alma 42:15, 31). The goal is to "be still. and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10 italics added) because one cannot "do" still.

I love knowing that God is merciful and just (see Alma 42:15, 31). I don't need to spend anymore time in the "great and spacious building" worrying about the appearance of my body, whether it is too fat or sick or not perfect enough. I don't need to spend anymore time focusing on "vain imaginations", even senseless or foolish plans of whether or not someone will receive justice. Rather, the joy is that I get to focus and hold onto "the rod of iron, which ...[is] the word of God, which [leads] to...the tree of life; which...[is a] representation of the love of God" (1 Nephi 11:25). And for me, it means I get to be loving, be forgiving, be one with God (see John 17:18-21).

"Be patient in afflictions..." (D&C 31:9)

It has been a year now since I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (or CRPS). This has been a "tribulation" that has really tested me, and continues to do so. It is very painful, limits my activity, and there is no cure. It can go into remission (I continue to hope that it will), but after having a spinal stimulator implant and having only some relief (still, it is some), I am at a point where I must begin to acknowledge the possibility that this could be a permanent condition and this could be my life! I will be honest, I have gone through such a wide range of emotions and thoughts that I have not always been the best person to be around as I have had to endure this "affliction". (Bless my family! They are the ones who have to endure me).

And so, the other day in my scripture study, I was desperate for answers. I want this to GO AWAY! I want to be able to walk again, to wear shoes and socks and not just a pair of sandals (at least I can wear a sandal). I would love to be able to ride my trike again...but all of these may never happen...(I am not ready to give up hope, but it sure is hard some days). As I pondered what to do, how to have a good attitude for the day, my scriptures were open, and I looked at them. This phrase jumped out at me: "Be patient in afflictions..." (D&C 31:9). Right.

And so, I followed the footnote. Romans 12:12: "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation..." Again, the word patient... combined with rejoicing?! The definition of patient is: "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc. with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like" (patient). Holy cow! I have not been the best at being patient at all...my calmness is lacking, leaning more on the lines of anger. Definitely in need of patience.

As I have pondered this definition over and over, I realize that having CRPS is not about pain, but about patience. Patience is what I can choose to focus on as I endure this "affliction". Can I just say that this is not how I envisioned learning "great patience" as I have been counseled to do?

Another scripture that has come to my mind these past couple of days: "...yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15). Being cheerful, well, I am working on that one, as I am learning that it really is a part of being patient in affliction. The only way I can imagine being cheerful as I endure is to "trust in the Lord" (see Proverbs 3:5-8). Trust Him that He will strengthen me that I can bear up this burden with ease. Trust Him that He really does want what is best for me and that everything will "work together" for my good (see D&C 98:3; D&C 100:15).

"For all things are for your sakes...but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:15-18). 

In my "light affliction, which is but a moment" (and some moments feel like an eternity) I am learning yet again, it is not what I can or cannot do physically that matters. For that is the thing that is seen. What really matters is being able to follow the example of our Savior, by being patient, by enduring all things. He calls, "Come, follow me" (Luke 18:22).

I won't pretend that this is easy, it is not. And I won't pretend that I don't wish, at times, that I could just...be done- but I am not. I have yet to learn how to be patient...the thing which is not seen, which is eternal.

This is a pretty good foot day...lots of sitting, just a little swelling, but the pain (grrr).
I really am learning patience...I'm just a slow learner.