"Be patient in afflictions..." (D&C 31:9)

It has been a year now since I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (or CRPS). This has been a "tribulation" that has really tested me, and continues to do so. It is very painful, limits my activity, and there is no cure. It can go into remission (I continue to hope that it will), but after having a spinal stimulator implant and having only some relief (still, it is some), I am at a point where I must begin to acknowledge the possibility that this could be a permanent condition and this could be my life! I will be honest, I have gone through such a wide range of emotions and thoughts that I have not always been the best person to be around as I have had to endure this "affliction". (Bless my family! They are the ones who have to endure me).

And so, the other day in my scripture study, I was desperate for answers. I want this to GO AWAY! I want to be able to walk again, to wear shoes and socks and not just a pair of sandals (at least I can wear a sandal). I would love to be able to ride my trike again...but all of these may never happen...(I am not ready to give up hope, but it sure is hard some days). As I pondered what to do, how to have a good attitude for the day, my scriptures were open, and I looked at them. This phrase jumped out at me: "Be patient in afflictions..." (D&C 31:9). Right.

And so, I followed the footnote. Romans 12:12: "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation..." Again, the word patient... combined with rejoicing?! The definition of patient is: "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc. with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like" (patient). Holy cow! I have not been the best at being patient at all...my calmness is lacking, leaning more on the lines of anger. Definitely in need of patience.

As I have pondered this definition over and over, I realize that having CRPS is not about pain, but about patience. Patience is what I can choose to focus on as I endure this "affliction". Can I just say that this is not how I envisioned learning "great patience" as I have been counseled to do?

Another scripture that has come to my mind these past couple of days: "...yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15). Being cheerful, well, I am working on that one, as I am learning that it really is a part of being patient in affliction. The only way I can imagine being cheerful as I endure is to "trust in the Lord" (see Proverbs 3:5-8). Trust Him that He will strengthen me that I can bear up this burden with ease. Trust Him that He really does want what is best for me and that everything will "work together" for my good (see D&C 98:3; D&C 100:15).

"For all things are for your sakes...but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:15-18). 

In my "light affliction, which is but a moment" (and some moments feel like an eternity) I am learning yet again, it is not what I can or cannot do physically that matters. For that is the thing that is seen. What really matters is being able to follow the example of our Savior, by being patient, by enduring all things. He calls, "Come, follow me" (Luke 18:22).

I won't pretend that this is easy, it is not. And I won't pretend that I don't wish, at times, that I could just...be done- but I am not. I have yet to learn how to be patient...the thing which is not seen, which is eternal.

This is a pretty good foot day...lots of sitting, just a little swelling, but the pain (grrr).
I really am learning patience...I'm just a slow learner.