"...he trieth their patience and their faith." (Mosiah 23:21)

I need to just share a quick thought about this one verse- (please forgive me for my mistakes and/or misspellings, it is very late but needs to be done). "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith" (Mosiah 23:21). The fact that the Lord deems it appropriate to try our faith and our patience at the same time says a lot about us and our development. When we exercise faith in Jesus Christ we are not only saying that we believe He knows what we need to learn and develop, but also the when. 

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "...patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because or our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can- working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude (courage in pain or adversity), even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" (Continue in Patience).

I know we all have challenges that keep us from getting what we want in the timing we want. It's not easy being patient. So, I have had to ask myself what keeps me from being patient? When I take a step back I often find it is simply pride and selfishness. Pride because I think I know exactly what I "need" and that I believe it is good for me. And selfishness because I can't wait calmly and with dignity. Rather, I want to make everyone either aware of how miserable I am or make everyone as miserable as I am. That's pretty dang selfish.

Gratefully, God is aware of this "natural man" part of us (see Mosiah 3:19) and He helps us even when we are weak. He makes our burdens lighter, He makes them bearable. He says, "I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage". Why does He do this? He continues: "and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions" (Mosiah 24:14). When we are patient, He eases our burdens, which in turn increases our faith in Him. And then makes us able to "bear up [our] burdens with ease" (Mosiah 24:15), giving us more patience, and leading us again to increase our faith. In all of this cycle, He visits us and helps us carry our burdens (see Matt. 11:30)

I know that God has His reasons for trying our faith and our patience. I also know He gives us the strength to endure well- submitting "cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15; see also Mosiah 3:19). You can do this! This is I testify.

I get to "hangout" with my mom a couple of times a week as she is on hospice.

I am so grateful for her example of faith and patience. 

"Be patient in afflictions..." (D&C 31:9)

It has been a year now since I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (or CRPS). This has been a "tribulation" that has really tested me, and continues to do so. It is very painful, limits my activity, and there is no cure. It can go into remission (I continue to hope that it will), but after having a spinal stimulator implant and having only some relief (still, it is some), I am at a point where I must begin to acknowledge the possibility that this could be a permanent condition and this could be my life! I will be honest, I have gone through such a wide range of emotions and thoughts that I have not always been the best person to be around as I have had to endure this "affliction". (Bless my family! They are the ones who have to endure me).

And so, the other day in my scripture study, I was desperate for answers. I want this to GO AWAY! I want to be able to walk again, to wear shoes and socks and not just a pair of sandals (at least I can wear a sandal). I would love to be able to ride my trike again...but all of these may never happen...(I am not ready to give up hope, but it sure is hard some days). As I pondered what to do, how to have a good attitude for the day, my scriptures were open, and I looked at them. This phrase jumped out at me: "Be patient in afflictions..." (D&C 31:9). Right.

And so, I followed the footnote. Romans 12:12: "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation..." Again, the word patient... combined with rejoicing?! The definition of patient is: "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc. with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like" (patient). Holy cow! I have not been the best at being patient at all...my calmness is lacking, leaning more on the lines of anger. Definitely in need of patience.

As I have pondered this definition over and over, I realize that having CRPS is not about pain, but about patience. Patience is what I can choose to focus on as I endure this "affliction". Can I just say that this is not how I envisioned learning "great patience" as I have been counseled to do?

Another scripture that has come to my mind these past couple of days: "...yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15). Being cheerful, well, I am working on that one, as I am learning that it really is a part of being patient in affliction. The only way I can imagine being cheerful as I endure is to "trust in the Lord" (see Proverbs 3:5-8). Trust Him that He will strengthen me that I can bear up this burden with ease. Trust Him that He really does want what is best for me and that everything will "work together" for my good (see D&C 98:3; D&C 100:15).

"For all things are for your sakes...but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:15-18). 

In my "light affliction, which is but a moment" (and some moments feel like an eternity) I am learning yet again, it is not what I can or cannot do physically that matters. For that is the thing that is seen. What really matters is being able to follow the example of our Savior, by being patient, by enduring all things. He calls, "Come, follow me" (Luke 18:22).

I won't pretend that this is easy, it is not. And I won't pretend that I don't wish, at times, that I could just...be done- but I am not. I have yet to learn how to be patient...the thing which is not seen, which is eternal.

This is a pretty good foot day...lots of sitting, just a little swelling, but the pain (grrr).
I really am learning patience...I'm just a slow learner.

"... let us run with patience the race that is before us" (Hebrews 12:1)

This scripture has been going through my mind:

"Wherefore seeing that we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is before us" (Hebrews 12:1). 

I keep thinking that to "run with patience" implies that patience is a running partner, a friend whom I love to spend time with.

Or to run with patience the race that is before me is kind of an oxymoron. Patience to me implies a slowing down, continuing forward, but slowly and steadily. And to run the race, not walk the race, implies moving forward at a quicker pace, even speeding up at times to pass the other runners.

I like the idea of having patience as my running partner. We all need a good friend to encourage us to continue when we hit "the wall". And I can now see that this is an endurance "race" which is to be run by being steadfast, diligent, and with a determination to finish. It is definitely not a sprint, but I know I have really wanted it to be a sprint.

Running a race (I prefer to ride my races)  implies a certain amount of conditioning. For me, preparing for a race is about being in shape so that I can perform well and enjoy the ride. I believe this passage, "let us run with patience the race that is before us", is also about being in shape. I am learning that patience is about the shaping of the soul.

We each have our "race" to be run. Running with correct form is helpful to feel good after the race is completed. Elder Maxwell talks about the correct form in our race of life. He says:

"Sustaining correct conduct for a difficult moment under extraordinary stress is very commendable, but so is coping with sustained stress subtly present in seeming routineness. Either way, however, we are to "run with patience the race that is before us (Heb.12:1), and it is a marathon, not a dash" (Endure It Well).

My life is filled with "seeming routineness". In that routine I have a friend that I am learning to appreciate and enjoy her companionship. Her name is Patience.

In this "routineness" with my friend Patience, I sure try to have fun. 

Here are a few of those moments.

 Enjoy the ride!!!