"... let us run with patience the race that is before us" (Hebrews 12:1)

This scripture has been going through my mind:

"Wherefore seeing that we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is before us" (Hebrews 12:1). 

I keep thinking that to "run with patience" implies that patience is a running partner, a friend whom I love to spend time with.

Or to run with patience the race that is before me is kind of an oxymoron. Patience to me implies a slowing down, continuing forward, but slowly and steadily. And to run the race, not walk the race, implies moving forward at a quicker pace, even speeding up at times to pass the other runners.

I like the idea of having patience as my running partner. We all need a good friend to encourage us to continue when we hit "the wall". And I can now see that this is an endurance "race" which is to be run by being steadfast, diligent, and with a determination to finish. It is definitely not a sprint, but I know I have really wanted it to be a sprint.

Running a race (I prefer to ride my races)  implies a certain amount of conditioning. For me, preparing for a race is about being in shape so that I can perform well and enjoy the ride. I believe this passage, "let us run with patience the race that is before us", is also about being in shape. I am learning that patience is about the shaping of the soul.

We each have our "race" to be run. Running with correct form is helpful to feel good after the race is completed. Elder Maxwell talks about the correct form in our race of life. He says:

"Sustaining correct conduct for a difficult moment under extraordinary stress is very commendable, but so is coping with sustained stress subtly present in seeming routineness. Either way, however, we are to "run with patience the race that is before us (Heb.12:1), and it is a marathon, not a dash" (Endure It Well).

My life is filled with "seeming routineness". In that routine I have a friend that I am learning to appreciate and enjoy her companionship. Her name is Patience.

In this "routineness" with my friend Patience, I sure try to have fun. 

Here are a few of those moments.

 Enjoy the ride!!!

"Wherefore, gird up your loins and be prepared. Behold, the kingdom is yours and the enemy shall not overcome (D&C 38:9)

Next scripture from my personal scripture study: thoughts, ideas, and inspiration. (see previous note here)

"Wherefore, gird up your loins and be prepared. Behold, the kingdom is yours and the enemy shall not overcome (D&C 38:9)." I am grateful for this scripture today...the blackness has been heavy and it has been a battle that has been tough. So as I read this I think about preparing for war and the challenges it brings.

To me, to gird up my loins is a symbol of making myself prepared to go to work or perhaps even to war. In Ephesians 6 it is the description of putting on the whole armor of God and preparing for battle. Part of that armour is to gird up my loins with truth (see Ephesians 6:14). I love this! The battle against the darkness is often filled with lies about who I truly am or what I am capable of doing. Having my loins girt about with truth includes the truth that I am a child of God. We are all God's children. This truth is vital for us to know and understand in order to win the battle against the darkness.

Having to gird up my loins is also a symbol of being pure and chaste, thus I must keep God's commandments in order to be prepared to fight the war that is before me. I must prepare to serve God daily and overcome the enemy of all righteousness (see D&C 10:5; Moroni 9:6; Alma 34:23). Scripture study, prayer, journal writing, and exercise are just a few things that have helped me when the battle is thick with darkness.

You know what? The whole purpose of winning this battle is to beat the darkness. Moroni said to his son Mormon: "And now, my beloved son...let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God" (Moroni 9:6). On my rough days, I can remember that the "labor to perform" is to conquer the enemy. I must keep trying, keep serving, keep fighting...no matter how hard the battle. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said: "I simply say to us all, young and old, never give up. Keep trying, keep reaching, keep talking, keep praying- but never give up. Above all, never pull away from each other (Within the Clasp of Your Arms) .

The enemy shall not overcome. I will endure. And in the long run I shall "come off conqueror" (D&C 10:5). Just keep trying. Every little bit makes a difference.

This is a quilt that was made and then donated to the Humanitarian Center. I think about the time and effort that has gone into making it...and then they donate it. What love! Every little bit makes a difference!

This is a close-up:of the detail

Notice that everyone has been hand stitched. Every little bit makes a difference. Just keep trying!

"...and he that is not purified shall not abide the day" (D&C 38:8)

As I have been studying patience lately I have learned a lot and I know there is even more to learn. It has been eye opening for me to see how deeply patience affects my life and where I can improve on it. As I studied my scriptures today I had a couple of things stick out at me. Over the next couple of days I will share little bits at a time (these aren't necessarily complete or entire in their concepts). I think these "little bits" are things I need to ponder and apply in my life.

D&C 38:8 "...and he that is not purified shall not abide the day". This is the phrase (or mostly a word) that jumped out at me. Hence a definition of Purify: to make pure; free from anything that debases, pollutes, adulterates, or contaminates" (purify). I think that definition describes every single one of us, for none of us is 100% pure. We all have "stuff" that we could or need to clean out.

We are all going through our own experiences that help us be purified which hopefully leads to sanctification (but that's a whole other post). In order to live with God again we must be "pure and spotless" (Alma 13:12). Our trials and challenges help us in our purifying process. They aren't punishment or a statement that we aren't loved. Rather, the help we are given, from heaven and earth during this purification process is filled with love (see Revelation 3:19; D&C 95:1). Sometimes it may be hard to see, but truly, we are loved.

As we are each going through our own purification process it is hard enough without someone pointing out that we are "doing it wrong" or "they know a better way". I realized that in this purification process we all need to go through, there is no room for gossip, fault finding, backbiting, jealousy or envy (see 1 Timothy 5:13) from either direction. In our own purification process, it requires patience. Patience with ourselves, and patience with each other.

Sometimes someone may offer what they think is a kind word and I take it offensively. The fault lies with me when this happens. Rather than being offended, I can practice patience. I can practice gratitude that they care enough to share. I can practice forgiveness and let the offense go. As I am working on and going through my own purification process I can find great peace in being kind, loving others, and serving others. I think this is the best answer when I am offended: "For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile" (1 Peter 3:10).

So- that's what I learned from one little verse. Remember: You are loved!!!

P.S. Here is a little video from Sister Elaine S. Dalton. I love her quote from Pres. Joseph F. Smith about leading in everything that is purifying. Enjoy!

"...live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which He doth bestow upon you" (Alma 34:38)

I have had a whole new view to "live in thanksgiving daily" (Alma 34:38). If I read that scripture in context, the actual sentence is, "live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which He doth bestow upon you" (Alma 34:38). I used to believe that it just meant to say thank you for the big things; because mercy is a really big thing. But I am finding that it is actually a way of life and it is a way of finding joy in all things. Yes, I said all things.

Since I have been diagnosed with CRPS (learn more here) and I am still hoping for a miracle, I have had to change my way of doing things and more importantly, my way of living. I am not always able to enjoy all the activities I used to (which is a lot of stuff) and so living in thanksgiving daily has saved me by helping me see the Light that is in all things (see D&C 88:6-13). Yes, I still have the moments of "what the heck!" But, seeing the Light in everything has helped me not say that quite as frequently.

As I have tried to "give thanks in all things" I have started noticing the small stuff, or the "many mercies" in my everyday life. "Tender mercies" (see 1 Nephi 1:20) do not need to be big miracles or life changing experiences, but are the simple gifts of life that are given to each of us. I am learning that as I give thanks in everything (see D&C 98:1), I am truly finding joy. I am not longer finding myself comparing my life with other people's lives, but I am able to be happy for their successes and feel genuine sorrow for any suffering, pain, burden, or trial they may have. My understanding of the commandment: "In everything give thanks" (1 Thes. 5:18) has brought more joy, peace, love, and comfort in my life than I ever thought possible.

These are just a few of the things that have truly delivered me from being burdened to finding joy in each moment as I express thanks for these tender mercies:

• my eyes to see the faces of my children and my wonderful husband
• my feet so that I can walk from the couch to the table, or up or down the stair
• being able to have the use of a crutch to help me walk when I am in great pain
• my ears to hear the laughter and voices of my loved ones
• the many foods that have so much flavor for my mouth and taste buds to enjoy
• for beautiful music that can calm my spirit and music that I can sing my guts out to or even make up my own lyrics
• for Monday's because I get to read my missionary son's emails 
• for movies on those days that I need to be totally distracted and can't focus on anything else
• funny voices that make me laugh (whether or not they are my own funny voices is only disclosed in private)
• color that is so beautiful it touches my soul and brings me almost to tears, such as the color of the flowers in my backyard, or the humming birds deep emerald breast
• pain which gives me to opportunity to slow down and ponder the power of the Atonement and the love God has for each of us. He truly loves us!

  

  one of my crutches

   

These seemingly everyday things have taught me to see that God is not just trying to teach me to be grateful, but He is showing me a new life. He is actually delivering me from an old way of living to His way of living. I am truly discovering the meaning of the doctrine: "Men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25), even in the midst of pain.

One of the beautiful sunsets viewed from my backyard

Yummy Chicken Friend Steak that I truly enjoyed

The most amazing Flourless Chocolate Cake that me friend made

The African Violets I've had for several
years that continue to bloom 

My son Stockton, with his mission companion standing
 in the background, serving in the Buenos Aires South Mission

Here is a short video that expresses living in thanksgiving daily very simply and beautifully. Enjoy!

"[Charity] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Cor.13:7-8)

I have been asking a lot lately:

"Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed" (Jeremiah 15:18)?!

I'm not sure I like the answer, but sometimes we are just given hard things to bear...so that we can learn to "bear all things" (see Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:7). Bear means to hold up or carry. And for some, they get to "carry" their pain their whole life. But is that who they are, their pain? I don't want to be known for my pain.

As the pain has continued I have stopped asking the "why me" questions. I am learning that pain is not about pain, which is so easy to focus on when it is unrelenting. When the pain first started I would pray and beg Heavenly Father to take the pain away. When the pain didn't go away, my prayers changed and I would beg Him to let me die. When I didn't die, my prayers changed again, and I prayed for help to endure the pain. With doctors and medicine I am learning how to endure it, but it comes again, bringing me and my life to a screeching halt. And so my prayers are changing yet again. I am now praying "unto the Father with all the energy of [my] heart, that [I] may be filled with [charity], which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ (Moroni 7:48).

Why pray for charity to help me deal with pain? Because "[charity] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Cor.13:7-8). With charity, I can "carry" all things because charity will not fail me or you (1 Cor. 13:8; see also Moroni 7:46-47). Charity isn't going to quit when the pain gets unbearable because it bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (see Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:7).

I always believed charity was only about loving others. I am learning charity is also about pain. The reason charity is given to those "who are true followers of ...Jesus Christ"; it is also given so those true followers "may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when He shall appear we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as He is pure" (Moroni 7:48). As I pray with all my heart for charity when I am in pain, then I am able to be changed, even as He is.

I am not my pain, but because of it, I am changed.

With Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) my foot will change color from the nerves always firing. 

These are scars from the surgery that went really well and I have  recovered from it. But, I developed CRPS about 2 weeks after, and that is a whole different level and issue of pain. 

Everyone tells me it's a "cool scar"...I guess that's something good from it (haha)

Just an FYI: Riding my trike helps with the pain...I just really hope I will be able to ride it more than 15-20 minutes on the trainer again some day....This is where "charity...hopeth all thing". Another reason to pray for charity.