"...he trieth their patience and their faith." (Mosiah 23:21)

I need to just share a quick thought about this one verse- (please forgive me for my mistakes and/or misspellings, it is very late but needs to be done). "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith" (Mosiah 23:21). The fact that the Lord deems it appropriate to try our faith and our patience at the same time says a lot about us and our development. When we exercise faith in Jesus Christ we are not only saying that we believe He knows what we need to learn and develop, but also the when. 

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "...patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because or our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can- working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude (courage in pain or adversity), even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" (Continue in Patience).

I know we all have challenges that keep us from getting what we want in the timing we want. It's not easy being patient. So, I have had to ask myself what keeps me from being patient? When I take a step back I often find it is simply pride and selfishness. Pride because I think I know exactly what I "need" and that I believe it is good for me. And selfishness because I can't wait calmly and with dignity. Rather, I want to make everyone either aware of how miserable I am or make everyone as miserable as I am. That's pretty dang selfish.

Gratefully, God is aware of this "natural man" part of us (see Mosiah 3:19) and He helps us even when we are weak. He makes our burdens lighter, He makes them bearable. He says, "I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage". Why does He do this? He continues: "and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions" (Mosiah 24:14). When we are patient, He eases our burdens, which in turn increases our faith in Him. And then makes us able to "bear up [our] burdens with ease" (Mosiah 24:15), giving us more patience, and leading us again to increase our faith. In all of this cycle, He visits us and helps us carry our burdens (see Matt. 11:30)

I know that God has His reasons for trying our faith and our patience. I also know He gives us the strength to endure well- submitting "cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15; see also Mosiah 3:19). You can do this! This is I testify.

I get to "hangout" with my mom a couple of times a week as she is on hospice.

I am so grateful for her example of faith and patience. 

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you" (John 14:27)

Day #4

This particular scripture frequently goes through my head.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." 

(John 14:27)

I am always grateful when it starts going through my head because of the comfort and calm that it brings to my heart. "The peace of God, which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) is stronger and more powerful than any earthly comforts. When I let God's peace lead me, fear departs, and I have the strength to endure...even if it is just for another moment.

God's peace also helps me increase in faith when I don't always understand the "why" of something- whether it be policy changes, personal challenges, doctrine, or anything that may cause a "why" in my life. God is not a god of confusion or anger. He is a God of peace. And for this I am deeply grateful.

"[Charity] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Cor.13:7-8)

I have been asking a lot lately:

"Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed" (Jeremiah 15:18)?!

I'm not sure I like the answer, but sometimes we are just given hard things to bear...so that we can learn to "bear all things" (see Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:7). Bear means to hold up or carry. And for some, they get to "carry" their pain their whole life. But is that who they are, their pain? I don't want to be known for my pain.

As the pain has continued I have stopped asking the "why me" questions. I am learning that pain is not about pain, which is so easy to focus on when it is unrelenting. When the pain first started I would pray and beg Heavenly Father to take the pain away. When the pain didn't go away, my prayers changed and I would beg Him to let me die. When I didn't die, my prayers changed again, and I prayed for help to endure the pain. With doctors and medicine I am learning how to endure it, but it comes again, bringing me and my life to a screeching halt. And so my prayers are changing yet again. I am now praying "unto the Father with all the energy of [my] heart, that [I] may be filled with [charity], which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ (Moroni 7:48).

Why pray for charity to help me deal with pain? Because "[charity] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Cor.13:7-8). With charity, I can "carry" all things because charity will not fail me or you (1 Cor. 13:8; see also Moroni 7:46-47). Charity isn't going to quit when the pain gets unbearable because it bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (see Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:7).

I always believed charity was only about loving others. I am learning charity is also about pain. The reason charity is given to those "who are true followers of ...Jesus Christ"; it is also given so those true followers "may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when He shall appear we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as He is pure" (Moroni 7:48). As I pray with all my heart for charity when I am in pain, then I am able to be changed, even as He is.

I am not my pain, but because of it, I am changed.

With Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) my foot will change color from the nerves always firing. 

These are scars from the surgery that went really well and I have  recovered from it. But, I developed CRPS about 2 weeks after, and that is a whole different level and issue of pain. 

Everyone tells me it's a "cool scar"...I guess that's something good from it (haha)

Just an FYI: Riding my trike helps with the pain...I just really hope I will be able to ride it more than 15-20 minutes on the trainer again some day....This is where "charity...hopeth all thing". Another reason to pray for charity.