"Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed" (Jeremiah 15:18)?!I'm not sure I like the answer, but sometimes we are just given hard things to bear...so that we can learn to "bear all things" (see Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:7). Bear means to hold up or carry. And for some, they get to "carry" their pain their whole life. But is that who they are, their pain? I don't want to be known for my pain.
As the pain has continued I have stopped asking the "why me" questions. I am learning that pain is not about pain, which is so easy to focus on when it is unrelenting. When the pain first started I would pray and beg Heavenly Father to take the pain away. When the pain didn't go away, my prayers changed and I would beg Him to let me die. When I didn't die, my prayers changed again, and I prayed for help to endure the pain. With doctors and medicine I am learning how to endure it, but it comes again, bringing me and my life to a screeching halt. And so my prayers are changing yet again. I am now praying "unto the Father with all the energy of [my] heart, that [I] may be filled with [charity], which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ (Moroni 7:48).
Why pray for charity to help me deal with pain? Because "[charity] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Cor.13:7-8). With charity, I can "carry" all things because charity will not fail me or you (1 Cor. 13:8; see also Moroni 7:46-47). Charity isn't going to quit when the pain gets unbearable because it bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (see Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:7).
I always believed charity was only about loving others. I am learning charity is also about pain. The reason charity is given to those "who are true followers of ...Jesus Christ"; it is also given so those true followers "may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when He shall appear we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as He is pure" (Moroni 7:48). As I pray with all my heart for charity when I am in pain, then I am able to be changed, even as He is.
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| With Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) my foot will change color from the nerves always firing. |
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| These are scars from the surgery that went really well and I have recovered from it. But, I developed CRPS about 2 weeks after, and that is a whole different level and issue of pain. |
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| Everyone tells me it's a "cool scar"...I guess that's something good from it (haha) |
Just an FYI: Riding my trike helps with the pain...I just really hope I will be able to ride it more than 15-20 minutes on the trainer again some day....This is where "charity...hopeth all thing". Another reason to pray for charity.
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