"Forgive men their trespasses." (Matthew 6:14)

#LightTheWorld #day18

Forgive: "to cease to feel resentment against" (Merriam-Webster).

Forgive: "As used in the scriptures, to forgive generally means one of two things: (1) When God forgives men, He cancels or sets aside a required punishment for sin. Through the Atonement of Christ, forgiveness of sins is available to all who repent, except those guilty of murder or the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost. (2) As people forgive each other, they treat one another with Christlike love and have no bad feelings toward those who have offended them" (Guide to the Scriptures).

Typing those words was easy, the application is much harder. I think the hardest part for me when I decide/choose to forgive someone is to have no bad feelings toward them...Sometimes, forgiving someone doesn't come quickly. At times, it's only through Christ that I have the ability to forgive.

There have been times when I think I have forgiven and I have moved on, and suddenly I am faced with a similar situation and all those feelings of resentment and hurt rush right back. I then must choose again to let all of that go, to forgive once more. Perhaps this is what is meant when Christ answered Peter's question about how often he should forgive: "I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:21-22).

All I know is that it takes effort to forgive. It's an effort of the heart, to "Forgive men their trespasses" (Matthew 6:14). Sometimes those "men" are my father, my brothers, my sisters, my husband, my children, or perhaps my mother. In the big, big, big picture it's these people that I want to be with forever. Forgiveness makes that a source of joy and the atonement of Christ makes it a very real possibility. This I testify.

This sister of mine...I am so grateful she chooses to forgive me and me her over and over again. Honestly, she's very easy to forgive... 

"...of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10)

I have titled this "The Parable of the Chair" - (Taken from experiences I learned injuring my shoulder-twice.)

There was a woman who had a chair that she used a lot. She really liked this chair. It had been in their family for 20 years. It looked like an old school chair, had paint marks on it from when her kids painted pictures when they were little, and had earned a place that was frequented often by the woman. This chair was in her closet. It was good to her. She would sit on it to get dressed and put her shoes on. Sometimes it would be dragged from room to room to aid her in other needs. Often the woman would pour out her soul in prayer in the closet and the chair was a great source of support.

Well, one day she needed to stand on it to hide Christmas presents. She did. It was the perfect height. She hid the presents and then proceeded to turn and step off the chair. Well, she didn’t just step off, she fell off the chair. The chair had betrayed her! As she fell off the chair she landed on her shoulder. She screamed in pain. The chair did nothing. It didn’t come to her aid. It just sat there.

At first, the woman thought her should would get better by not using her arm. She was pretty ticked at the chair for betraying her trust like that. How could it let her down? She felt justified when she called it names, even refusing to sit on it to tie her shoes. Nothing the chair did (which was very little) helped her in any way to get over this hurt, this pain, this betrayal! The woman thought maybe it would help her feel better if she put it in the basement, never to be used again or even more serious, maybe she would get rid of the chair never to be allowed into her home again. She would most definitely be justified in that! But none of this helped her shoulder to heal. It had been over a month now, and the pain was still there, getting even worse. Being angry, hurt, and resentful was not helping her shoulder heal.

After a period of months the woman realized that perhaps she needed to try something different to get better. She had found no comfort and no peace in being offended by the chair. Perhaps she should see the Great Physician, who was also the Great Judge. It has been said that He “went about healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people” (Matt 4:23). Also, “he judgeth, and his judgement is just” (Mosiah 3:18). Feeling desperate, she finally went to see the Great Physician and Judge. He told her that her injury was indeed great. It would even need surgery to repair it. The Great Physician and Judge said there would probably be even more pain and tribulation to come, but if she would  “harden not [her] heart, and stiffen not [her] neck against [Him], [she] shall be [changed] and [He] would heal [her] (see D&C 112:13). She was told she needed to “view herself in her own carnal, or merely human state” and  must “apply” treatment daily (see Mosiah 4:2).

He prescribed what sounded easy, but was often difficult to take regularly. It was "to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the [Great Physician]; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the [Great Physician], will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:9-10). He also gave her exercises to take with the prescription that would also aid in her healing and would help her become to whole again. This remedy He gave her was not easy, sometimes downright painful, but in the end totally worth it. She did exactly what the Great Physician and Judge told her to do. She practiced being obedient to His instructions. The pain subsided and eventually left. She felt so much better. She could move her arm again. She was indeed healed.

In remembering, she realizes that there is great hope for the future. If an injury occurs again, of any kind, rather than wasting time trying to place blame, she would immediately go and see the Great Physician and Judge.

"The Chair"

"I did frankly forgive them all that they had done" (1 Nephi 7:21)

Have I told you of the time when we got our van, it was a week old, I was in the parking lot of a store and a woman I knew waved at me? What happened was she proceeded to let go of her cart, it rolled down the parking lot and it hit our new van! I had a nice, round ding above the wheel well. I was so bugged, but I didn't say anything. Since then I have had two other experiences that have helped me learn from this experience. (And yes, I still see the woman regularly).

First one: middle of winter, one of the worst snow storms we had and Jeff and I are out of town. Our daughter calls us that afternoon and tells us she had hit a car in the school parking lot but had left a note on the windshield. Later that evening I got a phone call from the owner of the car. We apologized profusely, and the owner said, "Actually, I am so impressed that your child would leave a note! Thank you for teaching your child to be honest. Please don't worry about the damage to the car. Just pay it forward. Again, thanks for teaching honesty". He had totally forgiven the damage and our child and even complimented us!!!

Second one: middle of summer, late at night after picking our son up from work. He climbs into the car and proceeds to bump his door, hitting the truck next to us. I could see the ding. I went into the building and asked if anyone knew who the owner was. The owner spoke up. I proceeded to explain what happened. The owner looked at me and replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Accidents happen. Thank you for being so honest". Another man sitting close by said, "Wow! Who comes and tells they hit another car? Why not just drive off? You don't see that very often".

I share these experiences with you because I keep thinking about how quick they were to forgive the "dings" and damage that was caused. I keep thinking about Nephi and his brothers, how they were horrible to him and after he is free from the ropes they had tied him up with Nephi says, "And it came to pass that I did frankly forgive them all that they had done, and I did exhort them that they would pray unto the Lord their God for forgiveness" (1 Nephi 7:21). To "frankly forgive" means to freely, unrestrictedly, or generously forgive someone. I see now that both of those car owners "frankly forgave" the "dings" that we had done against them. They gave us the beautiful gift of forgiveness.

We have all given and received "dings" and damage to ourselves and our loved ones. Honestly, some dings are bigger than others, sometimes the whole car is totalled. Nevertheless, we are blessed when we forgive, we aren't angry or hold a grudge. We are blessed with peace and comfort.

I no longer have my van, it got totalled by another car. But I do have a different one, and guess what? It has gotten dinged many times! There is one ding that I don't know where it came from, right above the wheel well. As I sat pondering the other incidents I came to realize that I needed to "frankly forgive", and not be angry about that "invisible" ding anymore. If it was the thing I pointed out every time someone got into my car, I would look like an angry and bitter person and I would be the one suffering. And honestly, you can't even notice it unless I point it out (thus it is "invisible"). I definitely need to "frankly forgive".

When the dings happen in life one thing we can remember is this principle of forgiveness taught by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

 "The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.

 Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord's way. 

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive" (The Merciful Obtain Mercy)

As the years have passed, my van is now gone and I have another car with dings in it. I am so grateful to those people who have forgiven me of the "dings" and damage I have unintentionally and perhaps intentionally inflicted upon them on the roads of life. My heart is not to hurt or harm. My heart is to do good. And I have been given examples of how to "frankly forgive" by those two other car owners. I'm really grateful we were honest about causing the dings so that I could have a better understanding of this principle of frankly forgiving.

Forgiveness works. It's freeing. It is the Lord's way. This I testify.

The ding that is "invisible" unless I point it out

"Forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34)

I was riding my trike inside some work cones up a hill and approaching a green light. I knew there was traffic to my left. I was cruising along pretty well and entered the intersection when a small, blue, beater car turned right in front of me, just missing me. I sat up straight in my seat and raised my right arm and shook my fist at the driver as he sped away. My arm hurt so badly-I had just reacted and forgetting that I can't raise my arm that high yet without pain. (I was reminded pretty quickly...) I was pretty ticked-off as I headed down the other side of the hill. Then, I thought, "Hey, Jennifer, you didn't flip them off! And you didn't cuss at them!" I felt so much better. And then another thought entered my mind, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). That thought has changed my perspective about a lot of things.

This one little thought has made a difference in my reaction lately, and hopefully it will be a long term effect. Now, when someone cuts me off while riding or even driving, I think, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do". When someone says something that is rude, or offensive, I think, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do". When my children don't do what I expect or are disrespectful, I think, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do". As I have done this I have noticed that I am able to respond in a more calm and kind manner rather than reacting with anger, frustration, or even rudeness back.

Pondering the words from President James E. Faust (1920-2007) has made me wonder if keeping this statement in my heart will have long term effects. He says: "We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings (which I definitely had when the little, blue, beater car nearly hit me). It will take humility to do this, but if we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us. The Lord requires us "to forgive all men" for our own good because "hatred retards spiritual growth" (The Healing Power of the Atonement). To forgive others "is a divine attribute" (Forgiveness).

Keep moving forward, keep forgiving. I can tell you my ride was so much better after I had that thought, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do". And my days have been better since I have continued to ponder it. Life is good. And forgiving makes it even better. This I testify.