"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13)

My 14 year old son gave me a puzzle for Christmas. To be totally honest, when I first unwrapped the gift I thought, "I hate puzzles. I am so not a puzzle person". The puzzle is over 750 pieces and is a picture of Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, The Last Supper. He was very excited about his gift. Because my son gave it to me, I decided I would pursue doing this puzzle of The Last Supper. It has been a real eye opener for me as I have found where pieces fit, slowly having the entire thing put together. The things I have learned as I found the placement of each piece are beautiful. 

One of the things I learned is that a puzzle is similar to the gospel. One must desire to put the whole thing together. As we do so with diligence and patience each piece eventually fits in it's proper place. Even when I thought I had lost a piece, or perhaps may have put one in the wrong place, or it didn't seem that it would actually fit in the place it is suppose to go, slowly all the pieces fit in their "proper order" (Alma 41:2,4). Everything comes together in the Lord’s timing.

Another thing I learned is the promise from the Lord is also like the puzzle. It is repeated often in the scriptures. "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). When I first started working on the puzzle my attitude was doubtful that I would be able to complete it or find all the pieces on my own. But as I found more and more pieces, I would make time, and eventually spend all my extra time seeking for the proper order and placement of the pieces. The Lord says, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" (Matthew 7:7; see also Luke 11:9; 3 Nephi 14:7). How true this is with each principle of the gospel and in coming to know the Savior. When we ask, and seek, He guides us and helps us put the pieces together into one great whole. It becomes this beautiful Masterpiece.

Ironically enough, Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency said this: “The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him. They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master, although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle- one piece at a time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself; it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the Savior had indeed come to be with us-not all at once but quietly, gently, almost unnoticed” (Waiting on the Road to Damascas).

I love the Lord. I love how He works, one piece at a time, to help us learn all that we need to in order to draw closer to Him and eventually see Him as He is and become like Him (see Moroni 7:48 1 John 3:1-3).

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"...seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom" (D&C 88:118)

I must confess something. I am having an affair...with the scriptures. I love the scriptures! Honestly, these are my favorite books. I have derived more inspiration, guidance, understanding and love of others, and so much more as I have feasted on these fat books of knowledge, and divine inspiration (see 2 Nephi 31:20; 2 Timothy 3:16). Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley describes exactly how I feel about the scriptures and my personal scripture study. He said: "I do not claim distinction as a scholar of the scriptures. For me, the reading of the scriptures is not the pursuit of scholarship. Rather, it is a love affair with the word of the Lord and that of his prophets. They contain so much for each of us" (Feasting upon the Scriptures). This love affair is awesome for my marriage, for my family, for our children, for my relationship with God. This love affair has stirred a desire in me to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter of God. The power of the scriptures can't be stated enough.

When the Lord said, "And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (D&C 88:118; D&C 109:7,14), for me, He wasn't talking about reading a beautiful quote book, a college text book, or even a book from the New York Times best seller list. He was referring to the books that are the words from His mouth (see D&C 1:38), the scriptures. He says, "Search these commandments, for they are true and faithful, and the prophecies and promises which are in them shall all be fulfilled" (D&C 1:37). "Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand" (Revelations 1:3). "And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. And all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man [and woman] of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works" (2 Timothy 3:15-17).

I could go on and on about all the wonderful qualities of the scriptures and try and convince you to have your own love affair with them that will bless your life eternally. But, I won't. Rather, I would encourage you to "...seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom, yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (D&C 88:118; D&C 109:7,14)

"And the [mothers] were not to depend upon the people for their support; but for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that they might teach with power and authority from God" (Mosiah 18:26)

I have often wondered if I do enough, enough service, enough help for others, enough good...because a lot of what a stay-at-home mother does really isn't all that exciting in terms of what the world would have us believe. I often do the same mundane tasks over and over, and often with little thanks and no recognition. I don't have anyone paying me money to make a nutritious dinner, or wash clothes, or drive them to and from school- no "high five" or "fist bumps" for doing the daily tasks to keep our home in order, let alone for the spiritual environment I work on continually to help protect and strengthen our children.

I am coming to realize that it isn't about doing enough, or even being enough. In terms of worldly rewards, I will never get, do, or be enough, no matter what I do or what I am to accomplish. But in the Lord's way, I am getting rewarded way more and in better "payment" than I could ever desire or want, and it just keeps coming! Alma teaches this principle in simply stating how the church is set up and run. I will replace "mother" for the word "priest" in this passage. I take this liberty because I "liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for out profit and learning" (1 Nephi 19:23). "And the [mothers] were not to depend upon the people for their support; but for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that they might teach with power and authority from God" (Mosiah 18:26).

As a mother trying to do my best to teach our children the gospel, not only through word but deed, I testify that one does "wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that [one] might teach [her loved ones] with power and authority from God". This is an incredible gift to give to our children and future families. It isn't easy to care for little children, give our time and talents in nurturing and caring for loved one, neighbors, and friends and most definitely goes unnoticed by society at large. At times, we may even wonder if we are doing "enough". In our every day lives, of doing the "mundane", let us "fear not to do good" (D&C 6:33), for good is often done in the small and simple things of every day living, such as giving kindness when others are not, patience when anger seems warranted, compassion to those who have hurt or injured us. "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great" (D&C 64:33). That great work is us and our families! We are God's work and glory (see Moses 1:39). As mothers and fathers in Zion we are "not to depend upon the people for their support", but rely upon God's plan, His purposes, and His reward to "receive the grace of God, that [we] might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that [we] might teach with power and authority from God" (Mosiah 18:26). As we "do good" and lay this foundation, we are enough and most definitely are doing enough. This I testify.

I just love my family!!!

This is a funny picture, but we sure had fun laughing and running together. I love being with our family!

"For with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37)

A few years ago I had a horrible experience that changed my life in many ways. After that experience I went through some very dark times. I struggled to know if anything I had done was good, or right. I felt I had been betrayed on many levels and my trust for people was pretty much in the toilet. Since then I often struggle with fear- fear of failure, fear of people, fear of doing what is right; and this has led to a lot of self doubt. And the combination of fear and self doubt have often led to inaction. Needless to say, it hasn't been very fun.

And so, I have decided that I want to change, I want to repent of this fear and doubt. I choose the word repent specifically, not because it is a sin to doubt or have fear, but repentance is truly what I desire. In The guide to the Scriptures it states that repentance is "a change of mind and heart that brings a fresh attitude toward God, oneself, and life in general. Repentance implies that a person turns away from evil and turns his heart and will to God, submitting to God's commandments and desires and forsaking sin" (Repentance). I desire this change of heart and mind and life. I don't want to be in a state of worry and fear. I want to repent of these attitudes, for they are essentially attitudes that have been learned and I want to change them. I have decided to focus on increasing my faith God rather than focus on fear or doubt.

Increasing ones faith in God begins with loving God. Christ said: "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15). I desire to love God, and to do this I must keep His commandments- all of them. I know I will make mistakes, and need to repent often. But that's okay. It's part of life, repenting, trying, growing, falling, and getting back up. Repenting is really getting back up- back up to God's ways rather than man's ways (see Isaiah 55:8-9). As I have written various posts for this blog, I have often doubted if they have done any good. I have many posts that are written, but I haven't published them for fear they won't be good enough or help anyone, so I don't act. Fear and self doubt have often made me not act on many small impressions since "that experience". I can't change what happened, and I most definitely can't change people. But I have the power to change myself. And the beautiful part is, none of us have to change on our own- "For with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37).

“...that the plan of restoration is requisite with the justice of God; for it is requisite that all things should be restored to their proper order” (Alma 42:2)

Unfortunately, or fortunately (I haven't decided which it is yet) I have a knack for saying things without thinking before hand what it may sound like or how it appears to others. In so doing I sometimes offend people. My intent is definitely not to offend anyone, but I seem to do this and I have lost friends because they don't tell me so that I can make things right by apologizing, thus making restitution for my behavior. My heart is one of love, but sometimes I am very direct and don't realize I have offended people. When I offend people I hope they will extend mercy and forgive me for my weaknesses and sometimes my ignorance. The Lord says, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10). As I not only repent and seek forgiveness from others, I must also be willing to offer it to others whether or not they repent or make restitution. This is when I realized that forgiveness and mercy are intertwined.

Jesus taught, "Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy" (Matt. 5:7; 3 Nephi 12:7). "Mercy is defined as compassion and includes feelings and acts of sympathy, kindness, forgiveness, and love" (Christlike Mercy). When we extend forgiveness to others for intentional or unintentional acts, we are being merciful. But all too often, the response is to seek "...eye for eye, tooth for tooth" (Leviticus 24:20) wanting full "justice" for whatever assault we have received. In order for God to be merciful and just to us, we must let go of "justice", or seeking revenge (note: God's justice is not revenge; and I am not talking about receiving appropriate forms of the law) because we don't have the power of justice or full restitution, but we do have the power to extend mercy and forgive.

I think that in our need or desire for justice or restitution we forget that God is a "just God, and a merciful God also" (Alma 42:15; see also Isaiah 45:21). We sometimes think that the pain we endure, or have received can only be made right by seeking "...an eye for an eye" (Matt. 5:28; 3 Nephi 12:38); we want full restitution-now! What is beautiful is that restitution means restoration; when we lose and eye Christ will be the One to give us full restitution or restoration. Thus, when we hurt someone or are hurt in any way, shape, or form, when we forgive and extend mercy, mercy can claim its own and full restoration will be made. We will be made whole, complete, and will not be without anything when we receive restitution from Christ. "For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored; therefore, the word restoration more fully condemneth the sinner, and justifieth him not at all" (Alma 41:15). We are "free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil" (2 Nephi 2:27). When we choose mercy over justice or restitution in our way, we are choosing eternal life, Christ's life. We are putting our trust in God to make things right when we offer mercy rather than justice, that God will give us, as well as those who have hurt us, full restitution, all that seems lost will be completely restored. This includes small and large offenses, hurts, pain, or losses of any kind, whether intentional or unintentional, "all things shall be restored to their proper order" (Alma 41:2-4).

When people commit crimes, especially severe and heinous crimes, sometimes our justice system doesn't seem "fair" and people don't get the "punishment" we think they deserve. Here's the but. When we choose eternal life, we choose to extend mercy by forgiving others and allowing the law to serve what it will, we are putting our trust in the God's plan of mercy and justice. If there was only justice, and no atonement made, we would all suffer, "for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). This is exactly why we must forgive, all of us are sinners. It isn't about whether my sins aren't as bad as someone else's or if mine are worse than yours. We all sin! and therefore we all need the Atonement. And God, being just and merciful fulfilled the plan of mercy so mercy could claim its own and justice could be fulfilled also (see Alma 12:34). This means that we will receive justice for all the wrongs or offenses that have been committed against us to the extent that we are willing to give to others for the hurts they have given us. We will be made whole, completely whole, when we repent and call upon the name of Christ because we then have claim to His power and the Atonement (see Alma 12:33-35; Moses 6:57; Moses 5:8; Ether 11:8).

The "plan of mercy", also called the "plan of happiness" (Alma 42:8, 16) could not be brought about except an atonement should be made; therefore God himself atoneth for the sins of the world, to bring about the plan of mercy, to appease the demands of justice, that God might be a perfect, just God and a merciful God also" (Alma 42:15). God is both just and merciful! Therefore, when we repent and extend mercy in all its wonderful forms, including forgiving others, in the words of Alma the younger: “...yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again” (Alma 42:14). This is the plan of happiness, “...that the plan of restoration is requisite with the justice of God; for it is requisite that all things should be restored to their proper order” (Alma 41:2).

What a blessing to have a just and a merciful God who, when we turn our hearts to Him through repentance, not only fulfilled the law of restitution, but restores all things to their proper order because there are times when we have been hurt, and have also hurt others. His plan is perfect to heal and to be healed. This I testify.

This is the Provo Tabernacle that is being restored into the Provo City Center Temple.

Stockton (who always makes goofy faces), Ethan, and myself in front of the Provo City Center Temple.

Another view of the restoration of the Provo Tabernacle into the Provo City Center  Temple.

-This is a heavy topic and I have tried to explain my thoughts as concisely as possible. I pray the Spirit will help make this important doctrine clear; for it is beautiful and true. I would encourage you to study the topic of restitution and restoration on your own. Here are some links that have been helpful for me in my study of this topic: 

Faith to Forgive Grievous Harms: Accepting the Atonement as Restitution 

When "I'm Sorry" Isn't Enough: Teaching the Principle of Restitution

Bible Dictionary: Restitution, Restoration

The Guide to the Scriptures: Restitution, Restoration

• WHEN “I’M SORRY” ISN’T ENOUGH: TEACHING THE PRINCIPLE OF RESTITUTION