"For with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37)

A few years ago I had a horrible experience that changed my life in many ways. After that experience I went through some very dark times. I struggled to know if anything I had done was good, or right. I felt I had been betrayed on many levels and my trust for people was pretty much in the toilet. Since then I often struggle with fear- fear of failure, fear of people, fear of doing what is right; and this has led to a lot of self doubt. And the combination of fear and self doubt have often led to inaction. Needless to say, it hasn't been very fun.

And so, I have decided that I want to change, I want to repent of this fear and doubt. I choose the word repent specifically, not because it is a sin to doubt or have fear, but repentance is truly what I desire. In The guide to the Scriptures it states that repentance is "a change of mind and heart that brings a fresh attitude toward God, oneself, and life in general. Repentance implies that a person turns away from evil and turns his heart and will to God, submitting to God's commandments and desires and forsaking sin" (Repentance). I desire this change of heart and mind and life. I don't want to be in a state of worry and fear. I want to repent of these attitudes, for they are essentially attitudes that have been learned and I want to change them. I have decided to focus on increasing my faith God rather than focus on fear or doubt.

Increasing ones faith in God begins with loving God. Christ said: "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15). I desire to love God, and to do this I must keep His commandments- all of them. I know I will make mistakes, and need to repent often. But that's okay. It's part of life, repenting, trying, growing, falling, and getting back up. Repenting is really getting back up- back up to God's ways rather than man's ways (see Isaiah 55:8-9). As I have written various posts for this blog, I have often doubted if they have done any good. I have many posts that are written, but I haven't published them for fear they won't be good enough or help anyone, so I don't act. Fear and self doubt have often made me not act on many small impressions since "that experience". I can't change what happened, and I most definitely can't change people. But I have the power to change myself. And the beautiful part is, none of us have to change on our own- "For with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37).