"And the [mothers] were not to depend upon the people for their support; but for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that they might teach with power and authority from God" (Mosiah 18:26)

I have often wondered if I do enough, enough service, enough help for others, enough good...because a lot of what a stay-at-home mother does really isn't all that exciting in terms of what the world would have us believe. I often do the same mundane tasks over and over, and often with little thanks and no recognition. I don't have anyone paying me money to make a nutritious dinner, or wash clothes, or drive them to and from school- no "high five" or "fist bumps" for doing the daily tasks to keep our home in order, let alone for the spiritual environment I work on continually to help protect and strengthen our children.

I am coming to realize that it isn't about doing enough, or even being enough. In terms of worldly rewards, I will never get, do, or be enough, no matter what I do or what I am to accomplish. But in the Lord's way, I am getting rewarded way more and in better "payment" than I could ever desire or want, and it just keeps coming! Alma teaches this principle in simply stating how the church is set up and run. I will replace "mother" for the word "priest" in this passage. I take this liberty because I "liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for out profit and learning" (1 Nephi 19:23). "And the [mothers] were not to depend upon the people for their support; but for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that they might teach with power and authority from God" (Mosiah 18:26).

As a mother trying to do my best to teach our children the gospel, not only through word but deed, I testify that one does "wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that [one] might teach [her loved ones] with power and authority from God". This is an incredible gift to give to our children and future families. It isn't easy to care for little children, give our time and talents in nurturing and caring for loved one, neighbors, and friends and most definitely goes unnoticed by society at large. At times, we may even wonder if we are doing "enough". In our every day lives, of doing the "mundane", let us "fear not to do good" (D&C 6:33), for good is often done in the small and simple things of every day living, such as giving kindness when others are not, patience when anger seems warranted, compassion to those who have hurt or injured us. "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great" (D&C 64:33). That great work is us and our families! We are God's work and glory (see Moses 1:39). As mothers and fathers in Zion we are "not to depend upon the people for their support", but rely upon God's plan, His purposes, and His reward to "receive the grace of God, that [we] might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that [we] might teach with power and authority from God" (Mosiah 18:26). As we "do good" and lay this foundation, we are enough and most definitely are doing enough. This I testify.

I just love my family!!!

This is a funny picture, but we sure had fun laughing and running together. I love being with our family!

"For with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37)

A few years ago I had a horrible experience that changed my life in many ways. After that experience I went through some very dark times. I struggled to know if anything I had done was good, or right. I felt I had been betrayed on many levels and my trust for people was pretty much in the toilet. Since then I often struggle with fear- fear of failure, fear of people, fear of doing what is right; and this has led to a lot of self doubt. And the combination of fear and self doubt have often led to inaction. Needless to say, it hasn't been very fun.

And so, I have decided that I want to change, I want to repent of this fear and doubt. I choose the word repent specifically, not because it is a sin to doubt or have fear, but repentance is truly what I desire. In The guide to the Scriptures it states that repentance is "a change of mind and heart that brings a fresh attitude toward God, oneself, and life in general. Repentance implies that a person turns away from evil and turns his heart and will to God, submitting to God's commandments and desires and forsaking sin" (Repentance). I desire this change of heart and mind and life. I don't want to be in a state of worry and fear. I want to repent of these attitudes, for they are essentially attitudes that have been learned and I want to change them. I have decided to focus on increasing my faith God rather than focus on fear or doubt.

Increasing ones faith in God begins with loving God. Christ said: "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15). I desire to love God, and to do this I must keep His commandments- all of them. I know I will make mistakes, and need to repent often. But that's okay. It's part of life, repenting, trying, growing, falling, and getting back up. Repenting is really getting back up- back up to God's ways rather than man's ways (see Isaiah 55:8-9). As I have written various posts for this blog, I have often doubted if they have done any good. I have many posts that are written, but I haven't published them for fear they won't be good enough or help anyone, so I don't act. Fear and self doubt have often made me not act on many small impressions since "that experience". I can't change what happened, and I most definitely can't change people. But I have the power to change myself. And the beautiful part is, none of us have to change on our own- "For with God, nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37).

“...that the plan of restoration is requisite with the justice of God; for it is requisite that all things should be restored to their proper order” (Alma 42:2)

Unfortunately, or fortunately (I haven't decided which it is yet) I have a knack for saying things without thinking before hand what it may sound like or how it appears to others. In so doing I sometimes offend people. My intent is definitely not to offend anyone, but I seem to do this and I have lost friends because they don't tell me so that I can make things right by apologizing, thus making restitution for my behavior. My heart is one of love, but sometimes I am very direct and don't realize I have offended people. When I offend people I hope they will extend mercy and forgive me for my weaknesses and sometimes my ignorance. The Lord says, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10). As I not only repent and seek forgiveness from others, I must also be willing to offer it to others whether or not they repent or make restitution. This is when I realized that forgiveness and mercy are intertwined.

Jesus taught, "Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy" (Matt. 5:7; 3 Nephi 12:7). "Mercy is defined as compassion and includes feelings and acts of sympathy, kindness, forgiveness, and love" (Christlike Mercy). When we extend forgiveness to others for intentional or unintentional acts, we are being merciful. But all too often, the response is to seek "...eye for eye, tooth for tooth" (Leviticus 24:20) wanting full "justice" for whatever assault we have received. In order for God to be merciful and just to us, we must let go of "justice", or seeking revenge (note: God's justice is not revenge; and I am not talking about receiving appropriate forms of the law) because we don't have the power of justice or full restitution, but we do have the power to extend mercy and forgive.

I think that in our need or desire for justice or restitution we forget that God is a "just God, and a merciful God also" (Alma 42:15; see also Isaiah 45:21). We sometimes think that the pain we endure, or have received can only be made right by seeking "...an eye for an eye" (Matt. 5:28; 3 Nephi 12:38); we want full restitution-now! What is beautiful is that restitution means restoration; when we lose and eye Christ will be the One to give us full restitution or restoration. Thus, when we hurt someone or are hurt in any way, shape, or form, when we forgive and extend mercy, mercy can claim its own and full restoration will be made. We will be made whole, complete, and will not be without anything when we receive restitution from Christ. "For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored; therefore, the word restoration more fully condemneth the sinner, and justifieth him not at all" (Alma 41:15). We are "free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil" (2 Nephi 2:27). When we choose mercy over justice or restitution in our way, we are choosing eternal life, Christ's life. We are putting our trust in God to make things right when we offer mercy rather than justice, that God will give us, as well as those who have hurt us, full restitution, all that seems lost will be completely restored. This includes small and large offenses, hurts, pain, or losses of any kind, whether intentional or unintentional, "all things shall be restored to their proper order" (Alma 41:2-4).

When people commit crimes, especially severe and heinous crimes, sometimes our justice system doesn't seem "fair" and people don't get the "punishment" we think they deserve. Here's the but. When we choose eternal life, we choose to extend mercy by forgiving others and allowing the law to serve what it will, we are putting our trust in the God's plan of mercy and justice. If there was only justice, and no atonement made, we would all suffer, "for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). This is exactly why we must forgive, all of us are sinners. It isn't about whether my sins aren't as bad as someone else's or if mine are worse than yours. We all sin! and therefore we all need the Atonement. And God, being just and merciful fulfilled the plan of mercy so mercy could claim its own and justice could be fulfilled also (see Alma 12:34). This means that we will receive justice for all the wrongs or offenses that have been committed against us to the extent that we are willing to give to others for the hurts they have given us. We will be made whole, completely whole, when we repent and call upon the name of Christ because we then have claim to His power and the Atonement (see Alma 12:33-35; Moses 6:57; Moses 5:8; Ether 11:8).

The "plan of mercy", also called the "plan of happiness" (Alma 42:8, 16) could not be brought about except an atonement should be made; therefore God himself atoneth for the sins of the world, to bring about the plan of mercy, to appease the demands of justice, that God might be a perfect, just God and a merciful God also" (Alma 42:15). God is both just and merciful! Therefore, when we repent and extend mercy in all its wonderful forms, including forgiving others, in the words of Alma the younger: “...yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again” (Alma 42:14). This is the plan of happiness, “...that the plan of restoration is requisite with the justice of God; for it is requisite that all things should be restored to their proper order” (Alma 41:2).

What a blessing to have a just and a merciful God who, when we turn our hearts to Him through repentance, not only fulfilled the law of restitution, but restores all things to their proper order because there are times when we have been hurt, and have also hurt others. His plan is perfect to heal and to be healed. This I testify.

This is the Provo Tabernacle that is being restored into the Provo City Center Temple.

Stockton (who always makes goofy faces), Ethan, and myself in front of the Provo City Center Temple.

Another view of the restoration of the Provo Tabernacle into the Provo City Center  Temple.

-This is a heavy topic and I have tried to explain my thoughts as concisely as possible. I pray the Spirit will help make this important doctrine clear; for it is beautiful and true. I would encourage you to study the topic of restitution and restoration on your own. Here are some links that have been helpful for me in my study of this topic: 

Faith to Forgive Grievous Harms: Accepting the Atonement as Restitution 

When "I'm Sorry" Isn't Enough: Teaching the Principle of Restitution

Bible Dictionary: Restitution, Restoration

The Guide to the Scriptures: Restitution, Restoration

• WHEN “I’M SORRY” ISN’T ENOUGH: TEACHING THE PRINCIPLE OF RESTITUTION

"...We have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work" (Alma 26:23)

I am so blessed to live close by many temples, which makes it easy for me to attend frequently. One of the things I have noticed is that the matrons who work there are always so kind  and gracious as I leave. They are always telling me, "Thank you for coming today" (learn more about temple service here). I am so grateful for these wonderful women (and men) who choose to sacrifice their time to serve in the temple so that I can attend the temple.

As I observe these sisters, I often wonder if they realize that they are living the teachings of the Book of Mormon prophet, King Benjamin. He taught: "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17). I have often been very unaware of doing service myself, and feel rather nervous or embarrassed when someone says something about my seemingly insignificant acts of kindness because I often think that it is just a small thing and really isn't that big of a deal. But truly, the small acts of encouragement, the small efforts we each make to express love, kindness, sincere appreciation for others, it all adds up and makes a "great" difference! We are the instruments God uses to express His love for all His children. What a tender blessing for us and those we serve!

Another small act of kindness that has often brightened my day is the friendly waves, smiles, honks, and cheers of encouragement as I ride my trike. Those, oh so seemingly small gestures, a wave with all five fingers, make such a huge difference as I ride uphill at a snails pace or fly downhill at breakneck speeds. Just as Alma says to his son Helaman, I say, "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6). Thank you for lifting me and help me achieve more than I can on my own. This goes for everyone who practices being kind, loving, encouraging, cheerful, and so many other small random acts of Christian love. These "small  and simple things" help make a difference in "a world filled with chaos" (Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples) but most often, we have no idea of just how significant that difference really is.

This leads me back to those sweet sisters (and brothers) who so valiantly serve in the temple each week. Their diligence of being at their posts to serve and help bring about this "great work" is quite humbling. It is amazing to ponder the power of temple work, through the service of those who are matrons and those who are patrons because it is the efforts of many that help "...bring about immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39), which is God's work. "Behold, how many of them are brought to behold the marvelous light of God! And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work" (Alma 26:23). What a joy to be a part of this great work, to help God in His work of the salvation of all men, women, and children (see 2 Nephi 9:21).

Those seemingly small and unimportant acts of kindness add up and make a great difference in the lives of God's children, and that's all of us. Thank you for your service, especially when it goes unnoticed.

"...Care for the soul and for the life of the soul" (D&C 101:37)

I really like to exercise. I like to ride my trike, weight train, walk, do pilates- I just feel so much better when I exercise. When I first started riding there was no way I could have gone out right away and ridden 100 miles, let alone do two events a week apart. Being able to complete my first century ride took a lot of exercise, a lot of small steps, desire, discipline, endurance and good care of my body. All these components eventually added up to being in shape enough that I could accomplish my goals and not hurt after having ridden 100 miles.

This leads me to thinking about exercising faith in Jesus Christ. It isn't the appearance of angels that build a strong testimony. It isn't the large miracles that I wish would happen on a daily basis that makes my faith strong and steady. I realized that it is the small, seemingly insignificant acts of faith on a daily basis that build strong, enduring faith in Jesus Christ and His redemptive power. Elder Henry B. Eyring said: "Now to exercise faith and be steady in obedience will in time produce great faith and assurance. That is the spiritual preparedness we all will need. And it will qualify us in the moments of crisis to receive the Lord's promise that "if yea are prepared ye shall not fear (D&C 38:30)"  (Spiritual Preparedness: Start Early and Be Steady). Steadiness not only increases faith, but helps to build a stronger soul, and thus helps us endure all that is required or asked of us.

As I have exercised through the years, it is the steady, consistent act of daily exercise that has made a difference in my ability to do endurance riding. It is the same with daily life and our faith in Jesus Christ. Alma asks: "Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of Him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith...I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth" (Alma 5:15-16)? What great questions to ask ourselves as we exercise faith in Jesus Christ and follow Him in our steady, daily ride of life.

I have also found that as I exercise and prepare for long rides I must be mindful of the food I eat and what I drink. As I exercise faith in Christ for the endurance of life I must "care for the soul, and for the life of the soul" (D&C 101:37). Therefore I ask: Do I "hunger and thirst after righteousness"...that I "shall be filled with the Holy Ghost" (3 Nephi 12:6; Matt. 5:6)? Do I daily "...feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let [my] soul delight in fatness" (2 Nephi 9:51)? Do I enjoy the "fruit of the Spirit"...which is "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" (Galatians 5:22-23)? Do I "feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell [me] all things what [I] should do" (2 Nephi 32:3)? I know that as you ask these questions you will be led and know for yourself how to "care for the soul".

Exercising is great therapy, both physically and spiritually. I have found incredible joy in completing a 100 miles and enduring the entire ride. There are also great blessings as we "exercise faith" in Christ (see Moroni 7:25; D&C 44:2; 1 Nephi 7:12)  and "endure all things" (A of F 1:13). I know we must "fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in [Christ] your joy is full. Therefore, care not for the body, neither the life of the body (because Christ resurrects all of us!); but care for the soul and for the life of the soul" (D&C 101:36-37). Continue in all the small things, the every day acts of exercising faith and being steadfast (see 2 Nephi 31:20), which will lead us to "seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life" (D&C 101:38). This I testify.