“And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and, behold, all things which I had made were very good” (Moses 2:31).

As I walked today, it was really beautiful outside. The sun was out and the temperature, once I started walking, wasn't too cold. I was inside my head as I walked, not really paying attention to where I was headed as much as I was focused on just taking steps forward. It wasn't until I was more than halfway finished with my walk that I really noticed the beauty around me. What made me come out of my self focused walk was a clear call of a bird that sounded like the first notes of a melody. “The time of the singing of birds is come” (Song of Solomon 2:12). I stopped and looked around for the bird. I could barely spy it in the top branches of a tree, white like the aspen it was hiding in. Camouflaged. 

I then noticed the cracks in the cement sidewalk made by a large fir tree. The sidewalk yawning upwards, separating into two pieces like a large, wide mouth. I was impressed with the strength of the roots and wondered how deep they really went and if the roots could withstand a micro burst. Maybe the owner had watered it too much and the roots really didn't sink deep at all. Or maybe it had really deep roots and could withstand great gusts, remaining strong. “But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life” (Alma 32:41).

I noticed some crushed small fruit from trees that I had to navigate through carefully so as not to fill the bottom of my shoes with the pulp that had been smashed on the cement. I thought, “How gross, yet at some point I’m sure they gave great beauty”. So much is given, and we are asked to give our best. “Ye shall not offer unto the Lord that which is bruised, or crushed, or broken, or cut” (Leviticus 22:24). But sometimes, the crushed fruit is not of our doing, and we carefully walk around it, grateful we didn't step in it. 

Maybe life is like all these creations. I would miss them if I had continued to be in my own mind, thinking of things I can’t recall. Yet, they are so beautiful, powerful enough to change my thoughts and gladden my heart. All these beautiful creations. Made for us. “Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart; Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul” (D&C 59:18-19). 

Perhaps I will take more notice, I hope so, but sometimes, my efforts are so short lived. I will practice- practice noticing God’s creations and the blessings He gives through them, for they are good. “And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and, behold, all things which I had made were very good” (Moses 2:31). As I type this, the word “behold” stands out (see blog on “behold” here). I must practice beholding the creations of God. For they are good!

I’m grateful to be a practicing Christian.

"I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made” (Mosiah 7:18).

Okay, so this just really stinks having shoulder surgery twice. I mean, REALLY! I am sinking lower and lower, feeling like a trapped mouse, running around and around on a wheel and going nowhere, fast. It is rather hysterical in a way (is that hysterical as in funny, or crazy- not sure). I know this “mist of darkness” (see 1 Nephi 8:23) has an end, but the end can’t come soon enough. I just want to be able to use my arm and be pain free.

I am doing everything right to fight this darkness. I am reading my scriptures (hold to the rod), I am exercising, I am getting plenty of sleep, I am eating more healthy than I have the past few months, I am taking vitamins, I am keeping my covenants, I am even going to the temple. But, I am not healed- and the darkness continues. I know, I know. Just because I do all these things there is no guarantee that I will be miraculously healed or that the darkness will disperse. So, why do I keep having to struggle with this so much? I’m desperate for an answer.

And the answer is:

“O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies (this sling feels like an incredible enemy), notwithstanding our many stugglings (curse this lack of movement!), which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made” (Mosiah 7:18).

Effectual (producing a desired result or effect). Struggle (to move with difficulty or with great effort). If I am going to have to continue to struggle, which I already know the answer to this because I have already gone through a shoulder surgery, I better strap on some dang good boots, buckle up, and “lift up [my] head, and rejoice, and put [my] trust in God” (Mosiah 7:19). Yup, rejoice in this struggle. Make it effective...increase in faith and this too “shall come to pass”.

Not the answer I wanted. But for now, for today, it will do. This struggle, this “effectual struggle” will be what it will be. And I trust that things will eventually clear up, and the light will shine, and my burden will be lifted...and I will get rid of this dang sling (the enemy). I will struggle through this. Effectively.

Pictures below are some of the "light" that has helped me through this "effectual struggle".

Darling, wonderful Isabelle, (my daughter by another mother)- a ray of much needed light! 

Isabelle with me after having our nails done...I miss hearing her and Lara laugh together. 

Sweet Lily, (baby James and Sabrina in the background)- curse the sling, but so grateful for their LIGHT!!!

My awesome sister- always ready to bring "light' to the "effectual struggle". So glad I have her in my life!!!

"Behold the Lamb of God" (John 1:36)

I caught a short glimpse of an art show on TV-  something about beholding the images of Christ. The one phrase that keeps going over and over in my mind is something like this: "To behold is a very sacred act". I'm not sure if that is exactly what the woman said, but it caught my attention. What does it mean to "behold'? The word "behold" is used over 1100 times in the scriptures. So, I had to look it up and know exactly what it meant...or at least try and understand why it would be considered "a sacred act".

The dictionary definition is: "to observe; look at; see", which is a verb. It is also as an interjection: "look; see". Some synonyms that gave me more of an in depth view of this word are: contemplate, discern, notice, perceive, witness. When I started to ponder these words, and what 'behold" truly means when used as a verb I realized that when it is used in the scriptures, in many instances, we are being invited to participate in a sacred act of seeing and viewing. Pondering this powerful word that I had so easily skipped over in my scripture study, I couldn't but help see things just a little differently. I was moved, touched, and the desire to change came as I read and pondered this new discovery. Here are just a few of the scriptures I looked up:

"Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world" (John 1:29; John 1:36).

"For behold, it is I that speak; behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness, and by my power I give these words unto thee" (D&C 11:11)

"For behold, this is my work and my glory- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39)

"Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet" (D&C 6:37)

Words are powerful. When we ponder their meaning and then apply them to ourselves and our own lives they become more than mere words on a page. They become catalysts for change. They become images and reflections of who we are. I have come to discover for myself that "beholding is a sacred act". "Behold the Lamb of God" (John 1:36). This I testify.

Other media/image resources found here

"But if not...(Daniel 3:18)

Sometimes things don't go as we plan...I recently had a second shoulder surgery, definitely not planned. I had surgery for a shoulder injury back in April, and the recovery was long and painful. To have a second surgery, for a different injury, just a day before leaving town was not in my plans. Due to insurance and timing, it was needed before we left town. I had a day to organize things for the surgery, be ready for Christmas, and ready to leave town. It isn't life threatening or even long term life changing, but it is a pain (in the shoulder) and has caused me to ponder strong examples of enduring and going forward with faith, even being put into a fiery furnace.

I have to ask, am I even near to what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were like? Have I been threatened by a "burning fiery furnace" (Daniel 3:6)? I think there are times when we are all forced to choose between standing up for what is right and being faced with a fiery furnace or perhaps, just being thrown into what seems like a fire of uncontrollable height and heat. I wonder if I am able to respond as they did, "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up" (Daniel 3:17-18). The "but if not" is what challenges me to try and stand strong no matter what the outcome is to be, even if the only thing that I can do is to have a positive attitude during a difficult time.

Now, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were saved. But that isn't always the case- think of Abinadi (see Mosiah 17:20). Sometimes things don't go the way we plan. Sometimes we are allowed to be "in the furnace of affliction" (Isaiah 48:10), and honestly, I don't like being in that furnace. It is just not where I like to spend my time. But it happens to all of us and no one is exempt. I think the real trial is whether or not we will endure to the end, no matter how hot the fire really is or if we are saved from the fire. It's the "but if not" part that is the real test.

Elder Dennis E.Simmons (former member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy) shared this thought about "but if not": "Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not, ...Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not, ...He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not, ...Our God will deliver us from threats accusations, and insecurity, but if not, ...He will deliver us from death and impairment of loved ones, but if not, ...we will trust in the Lord. Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not, ..." (But If Not...).

This is a lot to ponder. Add your own "but if not". How will you respond if you lose your ability to write, or use a limb, or am limited by your health? How will you respond if you lose a loved one, a child, or get divorced unexpectedly? We all have our "but if not..." moments. God doesn't love one person above another because they go through these afflictions or have none. God "loveth our souls as well as He loveth our children" (see Alma 24:14). God really wants us to be like him (see Matt. 5:48, 3 Nephi 12:48 ) "that we may be purified even as He is pure" (Moroni 7:48). And as a loving Father in Heaven, he lets us endure and go through our own "fiery furnace of affliction" or perhaps we can call them mini Gethsemane's. The Lord says, "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction" (Isaiah 48:10). Notice, He doesn't say, next to the the furnace, or beside it. He says, "in the furnace of affliction".

You know, this was a major inconvenience to have to go through a second shoulder surgery, especially with the timing of everything, but I do know that all things work together for our good (see D&C 100:15). God loves us! He will help us in all things, even when they don't turn out like we think they should...the "but if not" makes all the difference. This I testify.

Thumbs up- with the nurse and aid who helped me before the "fiery furnace" of shoulder surgery, 2nd one in a year

Yup, that's how I do it, prior to entering "the furnace"

Goofing off with my son after the surgery...(pain medicine is very helpful but only a temporary solution)

"Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful" (Luke 6:36)

With all the negative news about the various injustices in the world these days, it has given me great pause to ponder this sad (understatement) state of affairs. I do not wish to make things worse, rather my desire is to suggest a solution to all these problems that seem to permeate our system, not only in the United States, but throughout the world. I am not a naive person who has only lived a life of bliss, but I don't feel I need to share all my "dark secrets" to validate that I have had my share of unfair/unjust experiences. From my own experiences I have learned there is only one solution to all the ills that plague the world. It is simple. It is to receive Christ, for He is the Gift.

Receiving gifts can be hard if we don't think they are going to be of any value to us, don't know how they work, or require a lot of effort to assemble or even think we have no need for them. The Gift of Christ makes all the difference. It has a "more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which [has] happened to us" (Alma 31:5). I know when I have been wounded by another I have sought and thought about seeking justice. "In scriptural terms, justice is the unchanging law that brings consequences for actions. Because of the law of justice, we receive blessings when we obey God's commandments. The law of justice also demands that a penalty be paid for every sin we commit" (Justice). Sometimes, when the laws of the land don't seem to satisfy the demands of justice we think we have a right to respond in anger and take matters into our own hands. In doing so we are no better than those who have sinned against us.

The powerful part of the Gift is that if I extend mercy, I don't need to fear that justice will not be served. "What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God" (Alma 42:25). Paul says, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" (Galatians 6:7). When we have lost something or someone we love and cherish, or have been deeply wounded which may seem to be unrepairable, it is hard to remember that God is a just God and we can 100% trust that all will be taken care of. Notice, I said all, not just the small things we seem to manage on our own, but all things.

When we receive a gift and we really appreciate it, we use it. The beauty of the gift of Christ is that we don't have to worry about justice, rather we can spend our energy receiving and extending mercy. "Mercy is the compassionate treatment of a person greater than what is deserved, and it is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (Mercy). The beauty of giving mercy is that we may also receive it in kind: "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy" (Matthew 5:7), and we all need mercy. The world would have us seek justice, but the Lord teaches us to extend mercy, "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful" (Luke 6:36). Applying or extending mercy when it is justified by the world to turn your back, hurt, retaliate, or respond in kind or worse, is only made possible through the Atonement and is applying the gift of Christ. Christ wants more for us than justification. He wants us to be sanctified through His healing power, grace, and His sacrifice, even the Atonement (see sanctification; Moses 6:59-60).

I have experienced the need to extend mercy when retribution or retaliation was justified. It was not easy, but it was, and still is worth every effort to be merciful. As we become good receivers we  make it possible to use this gift of healing from Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, on a daily basis. This Gift will heal the world. This I testify.

Here is a short video for your enjoyment: He is The Gift

Bonus thoughts and links:
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "A basic principle of Latter-day Saint doctrine is that we have to know that God is just in order to go forward. One of God's attributes is justice, and we would not have the faith- because of fear- to live righteously or to love better or to repent more readily if somehow we didn't think that justice would count for us, if somehow we thought God would change His mind and decide there was another set of rules. Because we know that God if just and would cease to be God if He weren't so, we have the faith to go forward, knowing that we will not be the victims of whimsy or caprice or a bad day or a bad joke. That assurance is very encouraging." (The Justice and Mercy of God).

Elder Dallin H. Oaks: He Heals the Heavy Laden