"Thy will be done, O Lord, and not ours" (D&C 109:44)

At the end of last summer I had completed three century rides. Each century ride consists of riding approximately 100 miles on a bike in one day as fast as one can; two of which I did two weeks apart. I was probably in the best shape of my life. There is a feeling of power, exhilaration, and freedom, that comes when I ride; and my communication with God would be for hours. I lived, for those rides. I loved training and preparing for them. Riding for me was so much fun, was such a blessing, and gave me something to strive and set goals for. I wish I could explain how much I love riding. I think about it every day. But, sometimes things change and the things we love are taken away or not even granted for whatever reason, and it gets really difficult and perhaps a bit confusing...

I have been dealing with a soft tissue injury for about 5 months. It makes it very difficult to sit for extended periods of time, and riding a bike is out of the question. Pain is pretty constant. I share this with you only because this is how my love for riding has been removed from my life and many other aspects of my life have been changed as well. I don't want sympathy because it is a very poor substitute for all the changes in my life; what I really want is to ride, but that isn't possible right now. I have good days and bad days as I adjust to what may be a new way of living. What really gets my through not only the physical changes but also the mental and emotional changes is my scripture study because constant pain really messes with my brain and spirit.

Frequently in the church we say that if you will be obedient you will get all the blessings you want. But that is false. God never says, Do all I say and you will be blessed with all that you desire. What we are here to learn and is even more difficult to apply, it is to say and live: "Thy will be done, O Lord, and not ours" (D&C 109:44). But we often think if we are obedient He will bless us with our will, even if it is a righteous desire. We frequently hear of people sharing their stories of how they were obedient and prayed and exercised faith then their desires were granted. But this doesn't always happen. Riding isn't an unrighteous desire, let alone being free from pain. But what about those who can't have children or are unmarried, and remain so? What about those who are unhealed or have a child that is disabled and don't get what they desire?

Elder Robert D. Hales said this: "As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we "wait upon the Lord" (Psalms 37:9; Psalms 123:2; Isaiah 8:17; Isaiah 40:31; 2 Nephi 18:17)  Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, "all these things shall [be for our] experience, and ... [our] good" (D&C 122:7) (Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done).

Things don't always go the way we want. The Lord doesn't say He will take away our pain, but He does promise and say, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you" (John 14:18). He wants to give us way more than a pain-free life or even all that we want. He wants to give us "all that my Father hath" (D&C 84:38). He wants to give us His greatest gift, eternal life.

Just like riding those century rides that were sometimes so long and very difficult, and it would have been way easier to quit, to give up at certain points, but I never did. Enduring is where we really prove how much we have grown and the reward is finishing all the way to the end no matter how painful. I testify it is the most amazing feeling to finish! Thus we are able to say, "Thy will be done, O Lord, and not ours" (D&C 109:44)" because we recognize His will is always better than ours.